His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad, has called you to the moot house at the centre of Licktoad Village. Slorb, an overdressed Pompous Goblin, greets you at the door pushing his lens-less glasses up his nose as he does "Chief Gutwad waits." He opens the door and you enter a large room filled with trophies of Licktoad heroics; Stolen Weapons, Shiny treasure and the pickled bodies of small furry animals adorn the walls and shelves of the large room. At the centre of the room you see him, Chief Rendwattle Gutwad. He has squeezed his wide girth into a six foot high teeter chair. His Throne!!! The chief never speaks to anyone but his advisor Slorb and then only in whispers due to the great power of his voice.
Slorb moves over to the side of the great chair and his nasally voice rings out "Sit on the dirt!!" As you sit in front of the chief he suddenly speaks, his voice booming into the room.
“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission. You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!"
“I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
After he finishes speaking Slorb quickly leads you out of the hall giving you the map to the firework cache "Prepare for big fire now." before returning to the chief.
Me Slugglethorn will get fun all night and firework hunt next day! Me will get firework for Chief Rendwattle if me die doing it.
Dogface looks at Slugglethorn and shudders.
The site of other goblins always makes his skin crawl because it reminds him that he's even uglier than they are.
"Me named Dogface because me' parents said I had face like dog, which tastes good if you cook and add pepper. Me can also ride horse if me finds horse, and then me kill horse, and then me cooks horse over big fire. Dogface good cook. Make tasty vittles."
Dogface then stands, bows to Chief Rendwattle Gutwad, does not meet the chief's eyes, and says,
"Master, you want me to cook over big bon fire tonight, Master? Me does whatever Chief wants me do, including cook horse and dog over big fire.
:
Drizzal wiped druel from his chin, switching his staff from his hand to the off hand and back as he did.
"Yous two just stay away from me bags of bones," Drizzal said shaking his bag of bones.
He looked at Dogface, "Thase ain't fer cookin'," he said to Dogface, "An thase ain't for stealins!" he added turning to Slugglethorn.
He turned from both and muttered to himself, "I'd rather eats me toez jams than eats a feastz..."
'Me gettin' to old for dis s!+*z.' he thought as he tried to straighten his bowed back.
He turned back to the two other Gobz, "Letz sees dis maps" he says to them, with the intention of studying them and to see what he knows about where they are going and what he might know of it.
DogFace looks at Drizzal and begins to drool.
"Why you got bag of bones if you ain't eating bag of bones? Bones good in stew. Bones good on spittle. Bones taste good with big jug of human wine."
DogFace then cocks his head sideways, like a confused dog.
Why are they talking about maps when I was talking about food?
You study the map and realise that it is relatively simple, showing little more than the Licktoad village, the old shipwreck on the coast that supposedly contains the fireworks, and the creek that runs between the two locations. By following the creek, you should be able to easily reach the old wreck. You realise as you look at the map that the ship wreck is located in the lair of Vorka the Cannibal!!!
"Bones fer magiken, not fer eatin'," Drizzal said bluntly to Dogface before scratching his chin.
'Maybe LotsLegs should meet Vorka, that would be interesting...' he thought.
"But howz ta git it done..." he said aloud as his meandering thoughts took shape.
"Vorka! Me knows Vorka. Vorka eat deep-fried goblin with side of collard greens. Vorka stupid. He should eat horse or dog or bones".
DogFace then scratches a few bristly whiskers on his chin and it dawns on him that he might be talking about the bones too much, especially since Drizzal mentioned magic. Dogface takes two steps to his left.
"Me knows the way down that creek. Me show you and you and you to where Vorka live and eat goblin with collard greens and that's where we and you and you find fireworks. But if we see wild dogs, me run. And if we see giant cockroach, me run. And if we see monster, me run."
But if me see big-ass snake, me kill it and cook it over fire. Snake taste just like chicken.
Drizzal very slowly turned to Dogface, and took a deep breath before replying, "Vorka be a girl Goblin...".
'Breath through it,' he thought.
".. an she, and all that other stuff, be the least of yer worries iff'n you go rundin off." he said rolling his staff in his hand and tapping it on the ground to reinforce the idea behind his words.
DogFace stares blankly at Drizzal, then looks from him to Slugglethorn to the Chief, and finally back at Drizzal.
"That's what I said. She", he says, shuffling his feet.
Damn. If me Ma hadn't looked like me Pa then this stuff wouldn't be so hard for me. Besides, why we talk when we could be eating?
He turns back to the others.
"We go to bonfire now, yes? Get cooked meat. Eat cooked meat. Then go down trail in swamp. Kill rats and hobbits on the way. Get fireworks. Be heroes."
"Yes, take your gibberish and lead on to the bonfire," Drizzal said to Dogface.
"I think I may have just got a little dumber." he added, grumbling under his breath.
'If I live through this... I think I shall find me a Goblin woman that would wash my feet, he thought with a smile, waited for Dogface to lead on, so he could follow.
DogFace points at Slugglethorn, uses a crooked, nasty finger to motion for him to follow along.
"You come to bonfire, too. Eat meat. Me knows who's you are. You not talk much. Me know why."
No matter how badly a Bluff check is rolled and how high Slugglethorn's Int could be, he is still a stupid Goblin and follows "You know me? I knows me too! Much in common, me follow ugly Goblin."
As night falls there are several Goblins speeding around the camp piling sticks twigs and virtually anything flammable in a heap so that they can light The Greatest Bonfire. The smell of raw fish wafts by you as the biggest and best fishies are brought out. A great feast has been planned; snails, snakes, fish, Halfling fingers, Human nuggets and much more is spread across a huge makeshift table. A hush comes over the camp as a huge keg of apple cider is rolled across the ground it comes to rest at the table. Preparations are over and the Goblins silently stand and wait in awe as their chief is carried out on his Teeter Chair by four struggling Goblins. They place him near the fire and he lifts up a strange looking candle.
He lights a match, eliciting an audible gasp and suddenly shooting fireworks fly from the candle, they blast into the Bonfire engulfing it in flame. Screams and squeals break the silence.
DogFace stares at the fireworks with a gaping, open mouth and a blank, almost lifeless stare.
"Fire. Me like fire. Me like fire in sky."
Drizzal sat down indian-style away from the masses and plunked his bag of bones on the ground. I wasn't all that social to begin with, but most of the other Goblins were more enthralled by the fire and chief.
Leaning over the bag, he untied the end, and began to chant while waving his hands over the bag, channeling his energy as he did.
Slowly the bag to move, as if on it's own, and balloon out as the skeletal dog took shape within.
In no time, the skull appeared first, then the neck bones. Before he could blink the skeletal goblin dog had emerged. It stretched, as if it still had meat on the bone, its paws thrust out in front and its hind quarters raised.
Lazily it came and sat beside the Goblin who called it forth. Drizzal rubbed the top of the skull and the undead leaned into him.
'Now it's a party,' he thought as he looked around.
Seeing the bag shake and a dog (or something just as horrible) appear out of nowhere makes DogFace's stomach turn.
He gulps back a mouthful of puke.
The site of this nasty animal makes DogFace whip out his scimitar, its blade reflecting the fire light.
"That thing get near me, me kills it dead and grinds its bone into smaller bits of bone!"
As the night carries on drunken Goblins roamed the camp, however the majority made sure to stay clear of Drizzal and his Dog.
Eventually Slorb plucked up the courage to come over "Chief and me have come with challenges for heroes!!!" He holds up his arms One of you must dance with Squealy Nord!!!
You know that Squealy Nord is a ferocious pig and to dance means to ride on him for 3 rounds.
Here is a picture of the ferocious beast.
Slugglethorn gobbles up the Human 'nuggets' and tries to ride the pig
Drizzal always enjoys a good hog riding contest and cheers on Slugglethorn.
"You got 'em! Keep it up!" he screamed.
"YE HAW! Me is ridin' da Pig! Da Pig! Da Pig!" Slugglethorn stays on the Pig until he's told to get off.
You easily ride the pig, everyone screams, one female Goblin even begins pawing at you "You great hero!!!" Squealy Nord, squeals at you to be let out it's pen. The Goblins who are close his in fear.
Slorb picks out a strange circular object from his pocket. He runs over with it and hands it over. You see that it is a glass bottle filled with a strange liquid that bubbles and froths, the glass feels warm to the touch. "This give you dragon breath. BURN BURN!!!"
"See there," he said to the skeletal dog as he patted it on the head, "I knew he could do it."
"Me ride pig! Get out of Dogface's way. Me ride pig. Me kill pig. Me make fire. Me cook pig. Me eat pig.
"Watch this pup, this is gonna hurt," he said as Dogface mounted the pig...
Scant seconds pass, "See there, told ya." he said again to the skeletal form.
Drizzal stood.
*Clap clap clap*
"GOOD SHOWING DOGFACE!" he yelled.
At least he tried, he thought, Not the brightest git though...
*Chuckle*
He sat back down and resumed messing with his companion.
Slugglethorn gets off the Pig, takes the potion and to the Goblin lady Me know, and if you in room later, me show you! Dogface can't ride? Me ride easy.
Dogface falls from the pig halfway through the ride, but Drizzal's kindness stops the other Goblins from jesting.
Slorb suddenly shouts out "Me have more Dares for you all to do." He clears his throat and pulls out a strange wriggling bag from one of his pockets You must eat five Bull Slugs in one minute!!! You know that these slugs are nasty to eat even for Goblins. He pulls one out to show the ever gathering crowd, the slug is huge, deep black and incredibly slimy. Large blobs of slime drip from the slug as Slorb wiggles it in the air. He holds it their for a while before dropping it back in the bag. "Which big hero accept big challenge."
Dusting himself off after the fall from the mammoth pig, DogFace briefly pauses at the the of harsh words from Drizzal.
But the slug gets his attention before he can think this through.
And so, DogFace rushes -- practically leaping -- so that he's right in front of Slorb, his hands held out like he's taking communion.
"Me gobble down slug in one bite. Good protein. Good for bowels."
His oversize dog-like mouth is chock full of slimy black slug, while oily black ooze drips between his razor-sharp teeth. DogFace swallows in one huge gulp, regurgigates a bit, and swallows again. He feels slightly queasy, but that passes quickly enough because it's best not to think about ... well, anything.
So, he wipes his face with his sleeve, holds up his arms, and starts a victory dance in the middle of the festival.
"DogFace eat slug! DogFace eat slug! DogFace eat slug!"
As you finish off the Slug, Slorb turns away his sick spilling onto the ground. He recovers quickly and even though he is pale he quickly retrieves your prize. The Chiefs Dogslicer!!! "Chief let you Borrow his favourite weapon, Gorge of Gluttons. Chief killed many horses with this weapon. You must bring back to chief after victory or your head will pop!!!"
When he hands over the Dogslicer, Slorb is flanked by several mean looking Goblins carrying Clubs. One of the meanest ones growls "We play Hide or Get Clubbed." Slorb expands "One of you hide, they try to find...if they do you get clubbed. If no you win great prize."
Slugglethorn hides
DogFace hides as well:
Drizzal rose, "Why should the whelps have all the fun," he said to his pet. "Stay! I will be right back."
"I'll play yer games," he said eyeing the big thugs.
He decided to wait until they started counting and then to cast Disguise Self on himself to change into a young female Goblin.
DogFace, can see in the dark, so from his hiding spot he tries very hard to watch what Drizzal is up to ...
But it be awfully out here in the night time. Me notice this before about night, after the sun go down. Even when big fire roaring, and cooking meat on big fire, night time still dark. Make DogFace wonder why.
The Goblins stand several moments with there eyes closed "1...2...3...4...erm...1..." Before opening them again and charging off to find you.
Drizzal changes himself into a girl and most Goblins believe it dragging you off to help search for others until suddenly a Goblin clubs you in the head "Found ya." Everyone looks at him confused but just carry on anyway.
The Goblins search for what they feel is hours but is actually only a few minutes. Noone else is found. After a while Slorb shouts out "I have special ring that lets you climb real good. Come get it. This is loan from chief."
Last challenge is to beat the Rusty Earbiter. At his words several Goblins come running out with a strange looking assault course. Barbed wire, bent Dogslicers, Barrel Hoops, Vines and thorns all conjoin to form this strange creation. You also see 2 Goblin ears hanging from the numerous pointy objects. "Great inventor made this. Now Great Inventor high in sky...High in sky in Birds belly." Everyone pauses a moment remembering the inventor. "One Must crawl through here, to get big prize."
Slugglethorn easily gets past them, like a snake, his almost slithers along walls floors to get through. "Me makes it! Me makes it!"
Me do it, too! Me make great Goblin warrior! Me kill monsters now!
Drizzal rubbed his head, "Had my fun fer the night."
He shook himself out of his disguise and went to go sit by his pet.
'Leave the games to the youngens, that smarted!' he thought.
He watched the others as they maneuvered through the course...
After you escape the Earbiter with a fair amount of ease, Slorb brings over a strange looking Robe and says proudly "Chief’s Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful." He lifts it as high as he can showing off the strange patch work robe, several bulging pockets and patches lines the robe. Inside you find
Everyone needs to decide who gets what now. Split it fairly :)
Ok I will let you guys finish up the night then we can move on to the morning :D
But yep that's what you gotta split :)
i.e. the Dogslicer would work the best in Dogface's hands whereas the ring of climbing would work better in Sluggelthorn's. Then the elixir would probably be nice for Drizzal.
Obviously this is just Ideas been batted around so I guess it's up to the other two for deciding votes :)
"Me want ring, me already have sharp thingy, now me wants ring. You gimme ring?"
DogFace nods and throws the ring at Slugglethorn.
"Here your ring. Keep your ring. Me want dog-slicer. Me hate dog. Me hate dog more than me hate horse. Horse taste good if cooked, though."
He then picks up the Elixer and shows it to Drizzal.
"Do you want this? If not, me use it to marinate horse meat next time we kill horse. Me know how to marinate. Works good on pig, too. And goat. Make cooked meat taste even good-er."
He then points to the robe.
"Now, who get weird robe full of weird things? Me'mother wore robe. I never wear robe because me'mother wore robe and me'mother name me after dog. Me never wear robe. Ever. Never."
"I'll takes the robe, good for storing bones and things," Drizzal said as he held it up. "This other things may need to go though..."
He tried the robe on and seemed content. He glanced at the elixir then took it and held it up to the light, "Drizzal not much into potions and such, but it does fit nicely into this here pocket..." he said sliding the elixir into one of the compartments in the robe.
"Done, and done." he said finally, "Time for a good rest before we head out in the morning?"
"DogFace get cooked meat, eat cooked meat, then go to sleep with cooked meat in his belly."
Slugglethorn looks at DogFace "Me agree. Me eat food too. DogFace make me food?"
DogFace nods.
"Okay. Me cook meat for Slugglethorn."
He looks one way then the other, hoping to find a chicken, goose, duck, rat, or just whatever.
Suddenly, he spots a huge, bloated opossum digging through a pile of old bones and garbage.
He slashes it with his dog-slicer, which makes DogFace smile.
He likes the dog-slcer.
He likes it .
He shoves the dead opossum onto a sharpened stick.
He then uses his dagger to cut off its head.
And he places the head in his pocket.
DogFace always thought it'd be handy to own a head.
He cooks the opossum -- fur and all -- over the fire, using the critter's own fat for basting.
He then adds salt, pepper, basil, dirt, mustard seed, curry, lemon, parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.
He then hands it to Slugglethorn.
"You eat. Me sleep."
Just before you all set off for your home you here Slorb shouting "Be at Moot house early morning!!!" Then he slinks off to serve his chief, as he is carried back to his home.
The next morning Slorb is seen outside the Moot house, he will wait until everyone has arrived and berate those who are late. "Come on, Chief wait to see you off."
Trophies of animal heads once more stare at you as you enter the moot house. Everything has remained the same, even the way the chief slouches in his chair, but one thing. There is now a pile of fireworks sitting at the base of his chair. "Get rest of fireworks and bring them here to me." He motions to the fireworks by his feet "Take these to help on grave mission." You collect the fireworks and as you leave Slorb gives you the map to the shipwreck.