Medieval Trash Talk? Let's get creative!

[TheMightyDMess]

Hello companions!

I'm currently mastering a campaign with some new players. Last time I was a bit too generous with the loot and now I want to sell them useless items.

One of them, will be a small bottle of milky liquid. Every time it is opened, insults gush out of it.

Now I'm under a bit of pressure because I really want to make it funny. And the only thing I can think of is "Your mother is ugly" and "If venereal disease had a face, it would be yours".

I appeal to your creativity. What can you think of that would be really nice fitting insults that make sense without context?

I'm excited to see what the crew will do with this item. You know what I'm saying... boys will be boys.

Yours sincerely,
The Mighty DMistress

[Sibelius Eos Owm]

Obligatory, "Your [insert relation] smells of elderberries!" reference...

"My friend, it would seem you have a good face for business--if that business is terrifying small animals!"

"You smell like an ogre that forgot how to bathe."

"Somewhere around here there is a village missing its idiot..."

[TheMightyDMess]

I love it! Please continue!