Hey yall. Some people I know have been encouraging me to become a male agony aunt of sorts because they believe me to be wise, worldly and levelheaded. The thing is that they might be blowing smoke up my ass or perhaps they are a poor jury where character is concerned. Due to my self-doubt I figured that I would do a little dry run here as it were and find out if this is a suggestion with legs.
Share your woes right here and I'll advise you on them as best I can, gratis.
I case of a zombie Apocalypse, what would you recommend on the following:
Tomahawk or machete, explain why?
Crossbow or Bow?
Mobility or fortifying your home?
Go solo or work with a team?
If you work with a team, whom would you choose?
Games Master Scotty, I think that the pop culture plague pit we share has led us astray wrt this hot topic, which is to say that a lot of the core conceits push a subtext rather than a simulation that is usually along the lines of how other people are the ones to watch out for. let's take a look at your questions here.
Tomahawk or machete?
I would have to go with the machete for its larger blade. as I understand it the main function tomahawks have over machetes is that it's easier to huck them into some poor fellow's head. however, as it stands in the popular imagination, the zombie apocalypse involves swarms of dead men who walk. I would not like to be the guy who nails one in the head with his tomahawk and is left emptyhanded as its peers mob me in a spectacle reminiscent of the beatles in their heyday. without a doubt the machete. the machete for sure.
Should I stay or should I go?
I would lean towards mobility given that supplies are finite and harder to obtain in remote areas you would figure; a lesson harshly learned for yourse truly in the game 'state of decay'.
(cross)bow?
the bow I feel is more badass, but the crossbow more practical. I understand that crossbows take longer to load than a regular bow but typically when we imagine killing zombies with either weapon it's a scenario where we are stalking the dead and trying to maintain stealth, where we have the luxury of taking our sweet time with the reload. with this in mind, the crossbow's relative compactness would make it the better choice. particularly if you are a mobile survivor like I believe I would be.
is hell other people?
personally I would advise a team. often in zombie fiction the team turns on each other and the subtext of the whole thing is that it's the living and their treacherous human nature that you wanna watch out for. however, it has been shown that isolation takes a serious toll on the mind and even if you were better able to avoid the hungry hordes, you would perhaps go nuts and wind up eating a gun because of how bleak and lonely your life is. plus others can pick up the slack should you fall ill or are inept in a certain area vital to surviving the new world.
who should I roll with?
my father, who is a former marine who has worked construction. jon bones jones. the rock. my doctor. any friends who survive. somebody who would raise our spirits in this bleak boneyard of a world. I'm thinking comedian patton oswalt who also brings to the table a solid understanding of zombie fiction and would probably have a lot of good routines about how the reality differs from the fiction we used to enjoy. even if he has a propensity to say nonsense words in lieu of an actual joke in a way that I find frankly cosbian
I hope that answers your questions scotty :)
Very nice, thank you!
.
The best weapon for a zombie apocalypse is a tie between
an aluminum baseball bat and a sledgehammer. Having a
bike is nice too.
If you have an edged weapon, it is only a matter of time
before you cut yourself (and thus get infected.) So, use
neither a Tomahawk or machete.
And does it need to be said why guns are bad?
.
.
Here is a question: If you lock in a zombie into an empty room all by
itself, how long will it live?
Some movies have it wrong and say zombies *never* die.
.
@ Grand Magus: correct on all counts, although the man asked for my opinion on tomahawk vs machete so that's what I told him. perhaps a better agony aunt would have suggested a better alternative though.
@ Grand Magus: correct on all counts, although the man asked for my opinion on tomahawk vs machete so that's what I told him. perhaps a better agony aunt would have suggested a better alternative though.
.
He was tricking you into approving a sub-optimal weapon. Beware.
.
Dear Big Justin,
What in god's green earth is a weeaboo?
a weeaboo is another name for a japanophile from the west I believe. usually an otaku with a distorted image of japan informed by anime. the word has become less prevalent in recent years which I believe is due to anime becoming more mainstream and socially acceptable among young people
Here is a question: If you lock in a zombie into an empty room all by
itself, how long will it live?Some movies have it wrong and say zombies *never* die.
this is something I don't think anybody can answer at present, however it would maybe behoove any survivors of the aforementioned apocalypse to chain up one of the dead and find this out for themselves. if zombies can starve to death than it would be a problem that might just go away eventually you would think. a morale booster for sure
|
Dear Big Justin,
What in god's green earth is a weeaboo?
a weeaboo is another name for a japanophile from the west I believe. usually an otaku with a distorted image of japan informed by anime. the word has become less prevalent in recent years which I believe is due to anime becoming more mainstream and socially acceptable among young people
Well thank you partner *Tips hat*
@Pan: one thing you could do towards meeting gamer girls is to look for them on okcupid, which I'm told has a higher prevalence of them than other dating websites. another approach would be to enlarge your social circle to include more gamer girls*. once that's done and you've met a girl you're interested in I would smile at them, flirt a little and pay them a nice compliment so that you can gauge their response to you. if your read is that they're receptive to this kind of attention then I would straight up ask them if they want to get a coffee or a drink or whatever date sometime like it's no big deal but with an amount of gumption that makes her feel wanted and yet comfortable with your advances. worst case outcome is that they will say no thank you or make an excuse. in my experience of being rejected by women, most don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and will let you down gently. nothing ventured, nothing gained is how the old aphorism goes and I think it's a good one.
*join a local gaming club or attending a 'gamers night out' group are options here
How does one go about meeting and eventually asking out a gamer girl?
1. Take a shower.
2. Look them in the eye and have something interesting to talk about -- forever.
done.
For those with Social Anxiety Disorder:
Make a list of 20 topics and subjects and jokes, and memorize it and practice talking in front of a mirror every day for 11 minutes.
Then, when you see some girls and you're super nervous, your practice will kick in, and you'll be just fine.
(Also, take a shower, lift some weights, you know ...)
.
agreed. weight lifting is a good thing to do. it builds confidence and lifts the mood. a lot of men in the pen do it because it's cathartic and keeps their mind settled as much as they do it to better protect themselves from attacks.
Will the Wallabies ever get their act together?
Can they win the Rugby World Cup?
Are we doomed to have the All Blacks lord it over us for another 4 years?
Do you think that England and South Africa are the only serious opposition for New Zealand?
In the Super Rugby do you think that the Waratahs can win the competition two years in a row?
There is talk of opening up the competition to Asian and North American teams (South America having all-ready secured a club in the post 2015 comp) Should it work on the conference system like US football or a pool system....?
|
Its more how to meet girl gamers than anything else. I work out regularly each week. I work in business and don't have too much trouble finding dates. Issue is the women I am used to meeting and dating are not gaming types. In fact, I often remain hidden because if I told them I am a gamer (video, TTRPG, or otherwise) I might as well suck my thumb and put on a diaper.
So I have met a gamer girl or two but I have no idea the places they tend to hang out. Now you can say the game shop, and that's true, but its not like being at a bar. Folks are often there to play games with their friends. Also, after all the horror stories I hear, the last thing a gal probably wants is to be bothered by strangers. I mean the one in town here is like the movies anytime a woman walks in, all the guys look up drop their dice and stare. Not good.
The okcupid thing sounds interesting Ill give that a shot. Tired of playing Crouching cougar; hidden gamer.
Will the Wallabies ever get their act together?
Can they win the Rugby World Cup?
Are we doomed to have the All Blacks lord it over us for another 4 years?
Do you think that England and South Africa are the only serious opposition for New Zealand?
In the Super Rugby do you think that the Waratahs can win the competition two years in a row?
There is talk of opening up the competition to Asian and North American teams (South America having all-ready secured a club in the post 2015 comp) Should it work on the conference system like US football or a pool system....?
I've been pretty lax about this so far as I'm cutting my teeth on the agony aunt game, but please restate your questions in the form of advice solicitation as there are several other threads in this forum for general questions
@Pax: best of luck. I think that it depends on where you're at and its demographics, but putting yourself out there more is always good. my buddy met a girl over steam and they hooked up and messed around. seems like kind of a long shot but I think it was over the final fantasy mmo
Here is a question: If you lock in a zombie into an empty room all by
itself, how long will it live?Some movies have it wrong and say zombies *never* die.
this is something I don't think anybody can answer at present, however it would maybe behoove any survivors of the aforementioned apocalypse to chain up one of the dead and find this out for themselves. if zombies can starve to death than it would be a problem that might just go away eventually you would think. a morale booster for sure
.
This is just wrong y'all. It's wack because they say Zombies live forever. [url = wack dope]
.
I have an inadequacy complex related to my job. There was a really popular guy who did my job before me and I just feel like people only find me acceptable rather than embraceable. What should I do?
thank you to the person who PM'd me a steam key for the game "Dead State" which promises to explore many of the issues explored herein and will hopefully offer me fresh perspective on the burning issues that occupy the advice abattoir at the time of writing I am currently playing smt nocturne but I will make time to play the game asap
I really fraking hate toasters. But then it turns out I am one! FRAK! Also, I had sex with a toaster after my wife died and got it preggers. Oh, then it turns out my dead wife was also a fraking toaster and she got res'd and now she's angry that fraked that other toaster.
What should I do?
Oh, and I'm a raging alcoholic with Tourette's syndrome if that makes any difference.
I have an inadequacy complex related to my job. There was a really popular guy who did my job before me and I just feel like people only find me acceptable rather than embraceable. What should I do?
well james, it's important to realise that 1) nobody in their right mind resents you for not being your successor 2) your successor probably built up a rapport with these people over time and 3) some people probably hated their guts but went along with the general consensus that they were a stand up guy because that's what people do.
in your shoes I would keep my eyes forward and be affable and diligent without appearing needy. people can smell that I think and it is usually off-putting. however, don't be afraid to say 'I hear that' to something you don't necessarily agree with. if you don't hit it off then don't beat yourself up about it. sometimes people don't mesh well and nobody is fault. popularity is by no means a guarantee of staying in work. good luck.
Big Justin, I noticed you are a horse. I also noticed that this thread is an abbatoir. Which is convenient.
[Pulls out knife]
Die, horse, die!!!!!!
I really fraking hate toasters. But then it turns out I am one! FRAK! Also, I had sex with a toaster after my wife died and got it preggers. Oh, then it turns out my dead wife was also a fraking toaster and she got res'd and now she's angry that fraked that other toaster.
What should I do?
Oh, and I'm a raging alcoholic with Tourette's syndrome if that makes any difference.
buddy I'm no stranger to absurdist humor but this is an advice column, not an improv workshop. regardless, many of us experience self-loathing at some point in our lives and it's important to take stock of what you can fix. I read somewhere that of the rare few who survive throwing themselves from internationally renowned suicide hotspot 'San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge',almost all leapers realised as they plummeted through the biting winds into the murky bay that there were solutions to all of their problems. I hope that this knowledge will help you, whatever your true problems may be
Big Justin, I noticed you are a horse. I also noticed that this thread is an abbatoir. Which is convenient.
[Pulls out knife]
Die, horse, die!!!!!!
dead wrong, so-fwikkin-wandom guy. I am but a young man who chose the horse avatar because I relate to the horse's ardenthearted ways, long face plus I eat from a bag
To the knackers yard with you, horseface! Gonna make me some glue, oh yeah!
After that I'm gonna kill me some dogs.
Down with pinkskins, horses and dogs!
Gobbos forever!
I feel obligated to warn you that I have platted shadows of mordor
Ok should I continue to support my national team, when it's full of d!**@eads, division and has a self defeating attitude?
buddy I'm no stranger to absurdist humor but this is an advice column, not an improv workshop. regardless, many of us experience self-loathing at some point in our lives and it's important to take stock of what you can fix. I read somewhere that of the rare few who survive throwing themselves from internationally renowned suicide hotspot 'San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge',almost all leapers realised as they plummeted through the biting winds into the murky bay that there were solutions to all of their problems. I hope that this knowledge will help you, whatever your true problems may beI really fraking hate toasters. But then it turns out I am one! FRAK! Also, I had sex with a toaster after my wife died and got it preggers. Oh, then it turns out my dead wife was also a fraking toaster and she got res'd and now she's angry that fraked that other toaster.
What should I do?
Oh, and I'm a raging alcoholic with Tourette's syndrome if that makes any difference.
Those are my real problems. Plus I really love that man Bill Adama, his uncle was gay but he isn't. He's dating the president, but she's dying of cancer. FRAK! Did I mention a fraking toaster ripped out my eye?
Help!
Horseface: Pfft. I walk with the millions of the low, the weak, the cursed, the spat upon, those who in their isolation may be crushed with impunity by your iron-clod hooves, but who, when roused together as one, can SMASH THE MIGHTIEST OF HORSE, DOG AND/OR PINKSKIN TYRANTS! Mordor?!? Pffft. Vive le Galt!!!
Comrade Dwarf: You're not talking about sports, are you?
Colonel Tigh: I cried so, when it was revealed that you were a toaster. Although, I suppose it is better than being a pinkskin.
Sorry to burst the bubble gang but Big Justin the wise teen was poached by Gawker over the weekend. They overheard him being wise at a party and he got hired. keep em peeled for 'big mans wisdom', the tentative title of this future feature.