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I Don't Understand What You're Talking About
Prerequisites: 7 or less Int, or 7 or less Cha.
The DC to intimidate or bluff you is increased by +6.
Derpy
Prerequisites: 7 or less Wis or Dex, or 8 and no higher Wis and Dex.
Any roll of 2 or 3 or 4 is treated like a natural 1. Instead of fumbling, an extra-disastrous effect happens (See the chart below). A roll of 19 is treated as a natural 20. A natural 20 automatically confirms the crit and does x4 crit, or is treated like a roll of 30, or the next save is an automatic success without a roll.
Consult this list. Roll 1d20 whenever you roll a natural 1/2/3/4.
1: You hit yourself with your weapon.
2: You take double damage on the next strike that hits you.
3: You get a -10 penalty on your next d20 roll.
4: You roll 2 dice for your next d20 roll and take the worse result.
5: You trip and fall prone.
6: You instantly sunder the nearest object, or if there are no objects within reach, your clothing, your magic items, the floor of a ship, etc. Pick the worst possible result.
7: You faint and fall unconscious for 1 minute. Takes a DC 10 Heal check to revive you.
8: You becomes sickened.
9: You lose one of your spells. Player must pick one of their highest level spells.
10: Your next diplomacy roll is counted as a roll of -10.
11: Lightning strikes you for 5d6 damage. Or if that is not possible, a piece of the ceiling drops on you for 5d6 damage.
12: You become flat-footed for one round.
13: Your roll counts as a natural 20.
14: You hit an ally within reach. If that is not possible, you hit an enemy within reach. The attack is automatically an critical hit.
15: You drop whatever you're holding.
16: You cramp your leg and are treated as if in difficult terrain for one round.
17: You cramp both your legs and become staggered for one round, along with the effect for 16.
18: Your roll is treated as if it was the actual number the die landed on. A 2, 3, etc.
19: Nothing happens.
20: You roll twice and take both results.