WIth so many monk threads flowing about, I figured it was high time for some therapy. So please lay down on my therapy sofa +1 and tell me all about your problems.
<starts the meter>
"Hmmmm, and how does that make you feel?"
I... I can't see any monk threads. Is that a problem, Doc?
I... I can't see any monk threads. Is that a problem, Doc?
"Mind if I smoke?"
<removes a plastic bubble pipe and starts to fill the air with polychromatic bits of aerated soap water>
<taps his pen on his chin>
"I see, I see. Tell me about your mother."
My mother was a saint! She wasn't a monk though.
I'm a Monk whose campaign is dying... What do I do? I really like everyone in the campaign...
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*has Vow of Silence*
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If people argue in a monk thread when its hidden, does it make a sound?
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GM: The monk lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, flailing its limbs trying to hit its opponent, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
PC: {angry at the suggestion} What do you mean, I'm not helping?
GM: I mean: you're not helping! Why is that?
This looks like a job for a professional therapist. I'll see if I can't go find one.
I'm no therapist, but my girlfriend did read some Freud once, and it is clear to me that all the monks problems stem from one thing. Penis envy.
You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress.
The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled monk stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled monk.
<eyes you closely>
"How does that make you feel?>
<fingers trigger>
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Hi, my name is Killstring, and I have a problem.
In the Council of Thieves game that I play in, the party Monk is by far and away the most optimized character.
...
Did we do something to make god angry?
Did we do something to make god angry?
<wake up in SEATAC>
<wake up in SFO>
<wake up in LAX>
"You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you, he never wanted you. In all probability - he hates you."
<wake up in O'Hare>
(feel like a copy of a copy of a copy)
Yeah, I couldn't find a professional. I guess I'll have to do it.
*reaches into bag*
*pulls out a couch*
Sooooooooo, tell me about your childhood.
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Yeah, I couldn't find a professional. I guess I'll have to do it.
*reaches into bag*
*pulls out a couch*
Sooooooooo, tell me about your childhood.
In my childhood I was known to run a-monk!
<perfectly timed rimshot>
Yeah, I couldn't find a professional. I guess I'll have to do it.
*reaches into bag*
*pulls out a couch*
Sooooooooo, tell me about your childhood.
In my childhood I was known to run a-monk!
<perfectly timed rimshot>
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Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had.
After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"
"Yes, I'm the chip monk."
I know a monk that flies...a ton...He has a serious problem...should I bring him to you?
"How does that make you feel?"
Hey, who is the licensed therapist here?
That's right.
How does that make you feel?
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Rather slow since he leaves me in the dust while singing This As he flies through town and the dungeons.
Can we meditate?
"I feel like we have made real progress here."
<warmth in his eyes as he reassures you that you are doing everything in your power to fix all things monk>
"You are in a safe place. Why is it that you refuse to hit when you flurry again?"
"That's all the time we have for this week, please tip your waitresses on the way out and remember to take baby steps."
<books that same time for next week>
"Let's work on our monk feelings for Monday."