I have several questions as a player, and please bear with me... what traits do you consider before you call someone an attention hog? Are they generally disagreeable?
Is there a wasted time requisite?
Is it just a tendency to be a narcissist?
It it possible to be one in a pBp or PbEm?
Can someone be an attention hog and still be nice (both as a character and a player)?
I'm unfortunately sometimes an attention hog when I'm a player -- although I like to think I'm a nice guy. It's just that I usually DM and hardly get to play; as a player, I get really excited and end up trying to fit 8 hours' worth of gaming into a 4-hour session. If I had a chance to play more regularly, it'd level off.
I don't thik Emile's talking about me, though.
I second that we might need more details.
It's not so much a situation as an accusation by another player that I jokingly agreed to for months, though I've thought about it. I can't tell if it's a tease or if there is actually something wrong.
I don't go out of my way to get engagement from the gm unless I've been ignored for somewhere close to ten minutes or something is going down the drain and I think I can do something about it, but I always worry that I'm taking away from the experience of others when I rp, even on the internet.
However, I often find that the dm calls on me because I'm a natural performer and my characters often have friendly NPCs or a family in game that I'm also expected to play. These interactions can take a long time, and while I try to do it quickly and the rest of the players seem entertained, the one player who calls me an attention hog always seems disgruntled. However, the character she plays is always someone who thinks they are the main character to the point that she starts sulking whenever she doesn't get to do something awesome and threatens to leave if the dm presents her with natural consequences of her actions or the actual ramifications of her alignment (which she always lists as something different while playing CN). She insults all of the other characters (in character), is an all-around angst muffin, and thinks the GM is always conspiring against her (even when I'm the DM). She always leaves the rest of the party when she's not entertained as a character, and yells a lot as a player. I'll admit that this has actually caused me to cut her off a lot in character, as she often ends up doing something that causes the party to start turning on itself and the players in the room to start something barely short of a blood feud. But perhaps I've become a bit belligerent?
Would that make me an attention hog? Is she an attention hog? What's going on here?!
Before you suggest it, I can't go to the GM. The woman I'm talking about is his girlfriend, and a decent friend to me outside of gaming, but I just... gah! Not to mention this is the only other GM that gms with any frequency.
Talking to her doesn't work either, as she always interprets it as a personal attack and makes under the belt accusation about me 'preaching' and being 'just as bad as her mother' sort of things...
On the internet though, I worry because in an rp I'm currently in, I have a character that always narrates or writes more than any other character in each post. The same character is always rescuing other characters and doing heroic things, but I worry that I'm robbing other players of the chance to do something cool?
Oh, well I guess it IS a situation.
I would say the situation is on the other player not you. Personally, they sound very rude, and I certainly wouldn't put up with them at my table. Honestly, I would try to find another group if at all possible. Most likely place is to simply look online to see if there is any pathfinder society games in the area. If that isn't possible...idk...passive aggressive types tend to be impossible to deal with in my experience.
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I'm unfortunately sometimes an attention hog when I'm a player -- although I like to think I'm a nice guy. It's just that I usually DM and hardly get to play; as a player, I get really excited and end up trying to fit 8 hours' worth of gaming into a 4-hour session. If I had a chance to play more regularly, it'd level off.
I don't thik Emile's talking about me, though.
Kirth, I've just started playing a charactger again after years of DMing and I'm embarrased to say I'm exactly the same. I've had two sessions with a Neutral Evil witch and both of them have drawn comments from my mates. I'll try and tone it down next game but like you, I'm just very excited to play and roleplay my character. <sigh> Sometimes it's harder to give up control than I thought.
Cheers
In a PBP, people have AMPLE opportunity to put in their actions and reactions. Never worry about that.
Thank goodness.
I would say the situation is on the other player not you. Personally, they sound very rude, and I certainly wouldn't put up with them at my table. Honestly, I would try to find another group if at all possible. Most likely place is to simply look online to see if there is any pathfinder society games in the area. If that isn't possible...idk...passive aggressive types tend to be impossible to deal with in my experience.
The only other GM I know in my area besides my own boyfriend (who much prefers playing, too)... Well, I...he... how do I put this? He's an elitist, and he hates anything he sees as weak or unoptimized, and he certainly doesn't like me. Or anyone like me. Or he's trying to look cool to such a point he just comes off as an a+#~&&#.
He is also very vocal in every opinion he has, and he's rather Machiavellian/Ayn Rand. I want to live and let live, but I tend to feel like crying after being in his presence for seven minutes.
The other person in your gaming group sounds at LEAST as much at fault as you -- though if we heard her side of the story that could be enlightening. If somebody else is an attention hog, you are hardly the only sinner for stealing the spotlight from somebody who'd stand in the spotlight all game if nobody stopped them. You also must consider that there could be Out of game reasons why you don't get along, despite being friends in that capacity. She might be jealous if she percieves (even subconsciously) that you are a better RPer... or likewise be contemptuous if she fancies herself better. People can be perfectly nice outside of a "sport" (I use the term loosely with respect to PnP) and be downright gruesome within it.
What I find the most sobering is that you seem to be so mindful of your spotlight time and perhaps genuinely concerned you're outshining other people. If you are confident that not just you and this other lady have their chance to shine at the table... then you are doing ok. If you really think you're dominating, use some of that force of personality to thrust other players into the dialogue so that more people get closer to "equal time" ...
...Now perhaps you are a very talented rp'er/performer... and that's the reason why you have all these sidekicks and family bit players -- because you CAN convincingly portray them. But does that mean you have to? If you ARE sincerely ... (I mean HONESTLY) concerned that you are taking up too much spotlight... DROP THE NPCs, and play YOUR CHARACTER ALONE. Let the people you're concerned with not getting enough time play multiple characters. This is the one part of your message that really makes me go "Hmmmmm" ... because if you really cared that much about not dominating the conversation... why give yourself so many voices?
That said, even if you are a devil, you may not be the only one. Ditch your NPCs or get new ones that speak only when spoken to, and leave them alone to do their jobs. Leave your family out of it, or if they are important to your story, mention them only in passing or hash out more involved aspects to the GM only, via EMAIL -- not at the table. If you're "Expected to play" your NPCs... talk to the GM about handling that as described, because if the other players have no emotional investment in your family or that aspect of the story... you may be thrusting that on them and MAN... even if it's done well, I wouldn't be surprised if it raised some eyebrows. If the plight of your family is something everybody cares about seminally to the story or there is a reason for them to capture the interest of the other players that puts it in a different perspective.
...But if they DON'T... then yeah, you may want to stop wearing so many hats and leave that air-time to the other characters in the story, the ones not played by you.
Best of luck sorting it all out!
On Play by Post/PBEM... take up all the space you want, though you may want to give identifiers for what is specifically your actions as opposed to description/rumination in case somebody in the PBEM can't read as much as the entire group puts out, in light of your output... but with the "Time" aspect out the window... "equal time" is less an issue. I'd say you are FAR safer and in the clear with play by post -- and in fact stuff that would be complete attention hogging at a table, if written well, becomes sweet sweet ambrosia in a PBEM... as who doesn't want MORE of the story their involved with (and the more posts the more the story is built) and nobody else has to COMPETE with you for air-time.
Final note though: The best indicator you can POSSIBLY HAVE as to whether you are an attention hog... is from your GAMING GROUP...
...if anybody at your table thinks you're an attention hog -- YOU ARE. (So ask!) If the reason they proclaim such is because you are hogging all the attention they want to hog, two wrongs don't make a right, but it doesn't make you any more right either.
Whew! was starting to hog the spotlight myself there!
I would say the situation is on the other player not you. Personally, they sound very rude, and I certainly wouldn't put up with them at my table. Honestly, I would try to find another group if at all possible. Most likely place is to simply look online to see if there is any pathfinder society games in the area. If that isn't possible...idk...passive aggressive types tend to be impossible to deal with in my experience.The only other GM I know in my area besides my own boyfriend (who much prefers playing, too)... Well, I...he... how do I put this? He's an elitist, and he hates anything he sees as weak or unoptimized, and he certainly doesn't like me. Or anyone like me. Or he's trying to look cool to such a point he just comes off as an a&*#$#!.
He is also very vocal in every opinion he has, and he's rather Machiavellian/Ayn Rand. I want to live and let live, but I tend to feel like crying after being in his presence for seven minutes.
Well...I...WHAT!? I would like to take a moment and apologize on his behalf as an Ayn Rand/Machiavellian/Libertarian myself. That guy isn't really any of those things (actually closer to a pure Social Darwinist but that is neither here nor their) and is really just a jerk.
At any rate, I think play by post is most likely your best answer at this point. I really do have to commend you for being as patient as you are given the situation.
Thanks for the tips, Vicon. I'll try not having any extraneous characters for a while and see what happens, and to Kitsune Knight, I'm sorry if I offended in any way, but you're actually pretty correct, I think. It's the whole 'the weak don't deserve to be loved' vibe I'm getting, after all.
Beggars can't be choosers, but I think this actually clears everything up.
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Amen Kirth. ;)
After GMing for 4 years straight, it has been really challenging for me to shut the hell up and let the other players talk. I'm just so used to talking for hours and hours and deliberately wringing every drop of description from every single event in the game.
Luckily, my fellow players are my former players, so they're still grateful from the long campaign I ran for them. Otherwise I'd just be a jerk.
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Oh, dear.
I'm afraid that when I RP my (single, uno, one) character, I have a tendency to dominate the roleplay portions of the game a bit. It's not intentional attention seeking, but I just get sooo into the character and the "moment" (or situation) that it can be hard to not react and let others talk too. It helps that I have a group of fellow players who are strong at RP and better than me at combat and mathing it up. (I can't add after 7pm, I swear.) We play off each other, except when I have a character that falls for an NPC. Heh.
It really is good to be into your character. I didn't read the OP's spoiler-y comment, so I may be missing something, but if you're playing one character and you're working within the party and speaking to the boundaries of the world, then HAVE FUN WITH IT and don't give as much credence to the complaints. Could be sour grapes.
That being said...if someone did the same thing at the table, if you'd be annoyed by it, then maybe don't do whatever it is...