Clever ways to derail your game and annoy your GM

[yellowdingo]

Every time you pop into town from an adventure - fire bomb a merchant's shop. My favorite is to give away free booze in the street - so the city is drunk. Buy a barrel and roll it down an alley for the poor to get a free drink.

Cast sleep on a small house of some poor person and then sneak in with ten chests with a thousand copper pieces each.

[Laurefindel]

Read all Tintin's books featuring a drunk / delusional / hallucinating Captain Haddock.

Base your character on him. See how many times you can attack / get your companions in (deeper) trouble before getting kicked out.

[doctor_wu]

Train a goblin army.

[Alitan]

Nah, Doc: don't train 'em, just ARM them and point 'em at a town that displeased you...

[Oladon]

Whenever another PC asks a question of the GM, start answering the question as if you're the GM. Preferably with a completely inane answer that makes no sense in any context. Waiting a moment until the GM starts answering before you start (so that you interrupt him) will also earn bonus points.

(To be fair, the player we have who does this is 11... we're trying to train him in the area of maturity, but there's only so much you can do, I think.)

[KoolZombiez]

find a GM foolish enough to agree that bags of holding not only destroy a set amount of space when placed in one another convince them to let you make bag of holding bolas

also great white shark bolas

[EntrerisShadow]

Play a Chaotic Evil character. (Chaotic Neutral will work if your DM nixes evil characters.) Then do the following:

-Hire someone to kill the important tavern-owning NPC quest giver.
-Poison every bard you meet. Claim it's because you hate lutes.
-Cast obscuring mist during every single combat. Let your teammates accidentally hit one another.
-Cast grease on every piece of equipment being carried by any NPC of importance. Especially quest giving MacGuffins or decrees.
-Max out bluff and diplomacy and play a caster with a focus on enchantment. Convince some high ranking officials to call a big meeting, then when the whole town is gathered in the same building together lock the doors and burn it to the ground, Revolutionary War style.
-Pick a random NPC. Make it your character's mission to destroy his/her life. REALLY get into it. Find out if they have a spouse, children, whatever. Create an elaborate scheme requiring weeks of role-play and planning that will culminate in a gloating two-hour monologue about how you singlehandedly plotted their loved-ones death and then framed them for murder, turning their family and friends against them in the process. At the last minute have a change of heart and then construct an equally elaborate plan to restore their name and reputation.

[Nightshade89]

If you're a necromancer theres always the "Create Apocalypse Zombies and release them everywhere you go." If that doesn't work you can try cutting off pieces of one and dumping them in wells. If there isn't a walking dead style apocalypse in a few weeks then your DM has no soul.

[Deadalready]

One of the more annoying, yet funny, yet unintentional ways we derailed our GM's game was killing an NPC we were supposed to rescue.

For background we had to go into this portal and a side quest was to search out the previous team and bring any survivors back. After much gruelling dungeon crawling we eventually ran into the only surviving person from the previous adventuring group.
Of course this person was dominated and we had no way of breaking the enchantment. On top of this the GM had decided it was perfectly ok to build an OP monk/wizard, which our one, full BAB could occasionally hit on a roll of 15 or higher. She had monk saves through the roof AND the ability to block successful attacks against them (crane style?).

This monk was ripping us apart and there was little motivation for us to wait for our full BAB to roll a natural 19 to non lethally take out the monk.
In the end for self preservation and sanity reasons we killed the monk and our GM looked quite sad, "She was supposed to lead into the next storyline..."
Me to GM: "Dude, do you even realise what you just did?"

[Carl Hanson]

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

For over 20 years our running joke has been "a flaming couch falls from the sky and crushes your character".

This is an oddly specific gag that was also a favorite of a DM that I played AD&D 2nd Ed. under through the 90s. I wonder where it came from...

[strayshift]

There are too many ways to be a dick at a table, but for fun's sake:

Flirt with just about EVERY NPC and insist on role-playing every interaction.

In combat grapple everything (possibly to be combined with above).

Join the side of the BBG.

Ask the DM to prepare everything for some piss-poor reason (e.g. summons stat blocks) and utilise really obscure parts of the rules repeatedly.

I could go on but I suspect you will lose players and people willing to dm by doing these things.

[Aranna]

Well all these might work... But if you REALLY want to derail the game just talk about movies and TV shows during the game. EVERYONE who games probably LOVES movies, TV, books, or anime. Find the latest scuttlebutt and discuss it during the game. If the GM isn't a good one then your likely to completely stall out his entire game while you engage in speculation about everyone's favorite topics.

[Belulzebub]

Aranna wrote:

Well all these might work... But if you REALLY want to derail the game just talk about movies and TV shows during the game. EVERYONE who games probably LOVES movies, TV, books, or anime. Find the latest scuttlebutt and discuss it during the game. If the GM isn't a good one then your likely to completely stall out his entire game while you engage in speculation about everyone's favorite topics.

Game of Thrones . . . Just, Gane of Thrones.

Bonus if some, but not all, of the players have read the books. Guaranteed long monologues about the numerous differences and how THEY @!&#ING RUINED DORNE!!!!

[Kazuka]

I had a Kingmaker game where one of the players mentioned having heard there are power weapons in Numeria. So rather than go after what was the first guy they were asked to take out, they took a little detour. By the time they got back on plot, they were level 15 and armed with enough advanced weaponry to end entire kingdoms.

That was the last time we let that player play an android.

[Chris Lambertz]

Removed a post. There are ways to voice your displeasure with a thread's premise without abusive comments at the other participants in it.

[The Usual Suspect]

yellowdingo wrote:

Every time you pop into town from an adventure - fire bomb a merchant's shop. My favorite is to give away free booze in the street - so the city is drunk. Buy a barrel and roll it down an alley for the poor to get a free drink.

Cast sleep on a small house of some poor person and then sneak in with ten chests with a thousand copper pieces each.

OMFSM! We have a payer that tosses bombs about Sandpoint like he's tossing comments about the weather. And yes he's an alchemist. He's been banned from Temple, and from the general store, as well as about a dozen places in town. Our reputation in town is crap thanks to Boomer. The GM is not half as frustrated as we the other players.

GAHHHHH!!!