Wish granted. Everyone but you is rendered mute. You are the best singer on Earth.
I wish I knew what this "Candlejack" meme was abo-
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
You don't know Jack!
I wish I knew Jack.
Granted! While walking to your obligations, you fall into an open manhole, breaking both you legs. You spend the next two weeks in the hospital.
I wish I wasn't home sick with a bad cold.
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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Granted! While walking to your obligations, you fall into an open manhole, breaking both you legs. You spend the next two weeks in the hospital.
Too funny. What I had to do today did in fact involve a lot of walking down a street with manholes. And I did get out of it, although not that way.
Your wish is granted! You can beat ALL your video games... with a baseball bat.
I wish I had some decaf.
Granted! She just pounced on your feet and shredded your ankles.
I wish the weather wasn't so hot today.
Wish granted; everyone is buying your miniatures. From the black market. You never see a dime.
I wish I had a more awesome name.
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
Hmm, yes ye are now Ze Abandon'ed Artes. Also, you get in trouble with Abandoned Arts for making fun of their name.
I wish one could simply walk into Mordor.
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You are never allowed to simply walk into Mordor. Everyone else can.
I wish I could cook a Shishkabob.
Your wish is granted making you the best kabob chef ever, on the condition you never cook anything else. By December you are so sick of Kabobs you move into McDonald's and never again eat anywhere else.
I wish I could get off my butt and go home.
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Very soon, you will get a message from me explaining the rules for Warmachine, Hordes, Pathfinder, D&D, and d20 Modern. The sheer amount of ruling will render you inept at doing anything for a few days. This will take you to the hospital, and then wherever you live.
I wish I could win Warmachine, Hordes, Pathfinder, D&D, and d20 Modern more often.
Wish granted. You win more often by virtue of playing much more often. Your ratio of wins to losses remains unchanged.
I wish for a better phone.
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
Granted! You just completed a intensive six-month language immersion program in an Arabic-speaking country. Unfortunately, it's in Somalia, it's run by Al-Shabab, you got brainwashed into joining them, and graduation includes your first (and only) mission as a suicide bomber.
I wish that I was able to get more done at work today.
Your banned from Paizo.com That sucks :(
I wish I had more people for my Chaotic Evil Snipe hunt.
And you/we do! Who knew it'd hide at Pizza Hut.
I wish for the snipe to go down quickly.
You did sign in earlier, but then your phone rang and you forgot to go back to your computer after talking to a telemarketer.
I wish the *&^*^*%*$!! Telemarketers would stop calling me.
You are now a bard (beats commoner levels, and hey: bards don't suck!)
I wish DJ-Bogie would be careful about aiming the hypno-gaze attack.
The image of me stabbing people with my fists is out of your head, but not the me having sex part. Oh, yeah.
I wish I could get to sleep without the need of a wish.
You are now able to sleep without the need of a wish, but now have narcolepsy when having intercourse or driving or being otherwise actively occupied.
I wish I had a wallet that regenerated $1000 each night.
Contributor
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Your wallet regenerates $1000 each night by reaching into the ether and taking it out of the piggy banks of thousands of little boys and girls, all the while whispering through their tears that the theft is your fault.
I wish I could get more than one hour of work done at a time on my thesis.
Wish granted; you lose your internet connection.
I wish I'd caught up on Season 4 of Breaking Bad, so that I could have started watching the Season 5 premiere last night.
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
Granted! You took two days off work to watch a marathon of Season 4, but you forgot to pay your cable bill. The cable company cut service ten minutes before the premiere aired.
I wish I didn't watch so much TV.
Granted, the temperature inside your armor is now -18°F.
I wish the pictures I took of the moose had come out better.
You get an advanced bootleg copy, unfortunately when you open the box you find a blank disk.
I wish I could think of a more interesting wish.
Bamf, your an elf. As a result of your decreased Constitution, you get sick thrice as much.
The duck wishes to be medium-sized
Granted. Your size falls within the "medium" range for a normal duck. Your flavor text says as much. You didn't capitalize "Medium," thus it's not technically referring to a size category or game term. Rules lawyers argue your case, but errata is later issued stating that the duck with a gaze attack is "working as intended."
I wish Wizards of the Coast would sell Paizo the rights to the Eberron Campaign Setting.
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
Done, you have 1d3+1 ducks for dinner. However, what you didn't expect was for me to be alive still. The dinner becomes a horrible disaster as all the dinner attendees become turkeys as I look at each one of you.
I wish for world peace... For ducks (you horrible duck-hunting sacks of pointless meat.)
World peace is managed, but only because ducks received their own, separate planet. That was cool at first, but the atmosphere became toxic at night. Oh, well... at least they had a wonderful day.
I wish my protoplasmic god-eating cannon would stop jamming up with my grandma's tube socks.
You realize just a little to late that the problem is not the sock, it is the fact that grandma was still wearing them. At least it won't be a problem any more.
I wish I had video of the lightning I watched tonight.
I wish Tirq had made a wish.
Granted, you trip and fall backwards on that sword you always have slung across your shoulder chopping off most of the hair on your head.
I wish I could stop posting for a little while.
You stop, but only because I've found a way to send paralysis gas to your location through your IP address.
I wish I could have a garden.
EDIT: Without ninjas