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This is a wierd one.
A few weeks ago some colleagues and I were talking about students we used to have back in the day, good ones, bad ones, funny ones, etc., etc.
A couple days ago I decided to Google some of my past students' names to see what I'd find (remebering last names can be a pain, years later).
Anyway, the first kid I looked up was one of my favs from back when I was still working on my PHD and teaching part time at an elementary school.
I type in her name and find that last year she died of a brain tumor, only a year-and-a-half after High School!
I can't believe how hard this hit me. I just keep seeing this 9 year old girl's face in my mind's eye, talking about some of her favorite books and helping her with her math and such.
I just can't believe how distracted I am by this.
It's completely understandable that you are hit hard. It's a tragic story. And at least for me, as I get older stories about people dieing young hit me harder and harder because you know more what they missed and how their friends and family would be affected.
Sympathy for your young friend and you is all I can offer.
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Death especially when it happens to someone early in their life always hits hard. It shows us how fragile and valueable life is.
It is completely understandable that you feel devastated. You had a relationship which was cultivating her to join the world and become a part of society, which she was taken from prematurely.
I know I have lost a fair amount of people in my own life who left this world before one would think they should have gone. Ithink this lead to my more spiritual side but also to my ideals of, don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy life and appreciate the people you love in it, for life can be cut short at anytime. So try your best to forgive and move on.
At least you had the privilege of knowing her while she lived and she had influence in your life and you on hers. It is tough but sometimes it can be easier to celebrate the person's life rather than mourn their death. There is my 2 cps hope it can help you in this time. Which I know is tough.
I once (in the misty depths of 2003) decided to look up a specific friend from high school (you know, as opposed to my general friends). It turns out that he was killed almost two years earlier than the day I decided to look him up. He was crushed by a falling tree while on a one year anniversary trip with his wife, who also attended high school with us. She was severely injured, he died instantly. Just a day of high wind, and being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I hated him when I first met him. I thought he was a jerk. I got over myself, and, of course, we were ALL jerks (it was high school). We became good friends. Not close friends - I moved away too soon for that, but we genuinely enjoyed each others' company, and we parted on great terms.
The grief I felt when I read of his death was instant and deep, as though we had just spoken the day before. I contacted his wife, and we had a somewhat disjointed conversation, as my grief was fresh and immediate, while hers was two years old. It saddens me that this is what it took to reach out to an old friend. She and I still correspond, very rarely, and again I am saddened that this is how things are. I blame only myself. I should probably drop her a line.
Nothing weird or wrong about it. Just shows that you're human - aren't we all (except for me, of course. I'm a crab.) My condolences and sympathies go to you (and to the loved ones of the girl in question). While no two experiences are the same, I can honestly say I have a pretty god idea as to how you feel.
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Sympathy for your young friend and you is all I can offer.
That's what's so odd about this.
I didn't even know this person -- I mean, I sorta "knew" her as a part time elementary school teacher for 1 year back before 9/11.
It's not as if I would've ever seen her again in my life. Or ever even thought about her except for the rare trips down memory lane: Remember that student, "So-and-so."
But I guess you guys are right, anytime a sudden death hits so young one can't help but be affected.
Yesterday my Foreign Languages Chair said a similar thing happened to her -- it was one of her son's friends that he had known from another school, not an old student of hers -- but still, she had been pretty shaken up since the boy was a year younger than her son.
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There's nothing odd about this. It's a natural reaction to unexpected sad news. If anything, it proves you're human.
I had a similar reaction after coming home from the initial Iraq invasion. We heard about the downed helo with over 20 casualties. A few days later the command mentioned that a sergeant who had PCSed before our deployment had been on that chopper. He had been on the way home for emergency leave because his mother had died.
It still saddens me to think about it.
Maybe you can send a letter to her family?
I don't think this is a good idea. There is really no way to know how they are copping with this and it may just open very deep and very painful wounds. While it also could make them smile and be a good thing there is just no way to know one way or another.
However, in this case, the downside seems to be potentially much worse then the upside. The upside is a sad parent smiles fondly that some one remembers their daughter positively...the down side is a mother who has been in hard core grief counciling for years has a relapse because of the letter and slides right back down that bottomless pit of despair.
It might do a little good but it could do a whole lot of harm and your basically flipping a coin to see which outcome you get.