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In my opinion, say close to your son, (who is just as much your son as hers, remember), is probably the more important thing. Particularly at such a young age, he will begin to (an already has) take in the world around him and realizing things. You not being there (as) often is a big one.
Without a good foundation early, a house can not stand, and dispite what people say about children and mothers, that shifts to fathers very quickly, (usually between 5 and 10ish). Except if the father is not there early, is not there for the child to understand and know to trust and emulate, it will be much weaker later when this does happen.
Fathers will teach, expecially boys, much more about life than anyone else, including mothers (no disrespect there), throughout there life. It just isn't as obvious, even to us, so it is very important to stay close and to be with each other as much as possible, the whole time.
A few other things I would suggest, is to make sure your family also gets to see him, (without others if at all possible). Again, he is just as much heir grandson/nephew/etc. . . as her family's, and this can be something easily fogotten.
Talk to as many people as you can. Priest/pastors, other docs, possibly even a lawyer, just to find out your options and seeking general emotional and morale advice. Include you GF and son if able, but sometime just talking, can help, and if she is able to hear what yo have to say a an observer, it might allow her to understand something (if she hadn't already).
Going for a walk, or to a park is a nice place to start if both are interested in salviging the relationship, which seems long enough, in my opinion, to not through away lightly, and worth fighting for.
Keep yourself distracted.
Hope for the best, but prepair for the worst.
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Roac,
I've had my own struggles with major depression and am fully aware of how it can affect both your personal stability and your relationships. Although I am not bi-polar, and cannot address manic issues, I can share what I consider to be useful advice for pulling out of a depressive episode.
First, self-education is key. You need to arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can find on depression as a serious disorder, as well as treatment options. Talk therapists are useful, and I do believe that they have a positive impact, but different psychologists have their own biases for treatment options, based around theoretical models that they accept to be true.
One of the best resources I have discovered is The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, an expansive volume that covers a variety of topics. When I read this (after losing a woman I loved very much due to my inability to deal with depression) it truly opened my eyes to the ways that depression affected me, and was a real blessing. I give it my highest recommendation.
Beyond that, the triumvirate of effective treatment options is exercise, medication, and therapy. The best way to cure a depressive episode is to engage all three of these options. More importantly, you should recognize that you will relapse, even after a full recovery. Multiple episode of major depression indicate that this will be a problem that you will struggle with for the rest of your life. Depression is never truly cured, but only managed. It is important to find strategies to minimize the impact of depression on your day-to-day life and to continue to employ treatment options even when you seem to be fine.
Outside of what I've mentioned so far, I also want to mention that time-management tools have been a godsend for me. After losing the woman I loved, I struggled with a deep sense of sorrow every moment of every day. Simple tasks like leaving my bed seemed to be titanic struggles, but they were (and are) struggles that were worth fighting. The only thing that gave me any real consolation during this period was adopting a strict and punishing schedule. I mapped out every hour of every day, maximizing my productivity, even with minor tasks like detailing my kitchen. Simply by staying busy and productive I managed to gain a sense of control over myself and my environment that, over the course of months, pushed back the despair that I was struggling through.
I'm not going to say you'll reconcile with your ex, nor will you ever truly get over her. In all likelihood, your relationship is done and you will always regret it. This sounds harsh, I know, but it is a reality you will probably have to live with. This is especially important if you want to stay on good terms with her so that you can continue to have easy access to your son. The more you push her for reconciliation, the harder the wedge driven between the two of you, which will make custody arrangements more challenging than they need to be. To even entertain the possibility that you could get back together with her, you will need to turn your life around and learn how to effectively deal with your depression. At this point, desperation will not serve you, only confidence and a dedication to improving your own life has any hope of winning back her heart.
Good luck, sir. I wish you the best of luck. You face a difficult road ahead of you, but I assure you that it is worth the effort.
