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I'm kind of new to writing fanfic so I'm looking for some reviews of my stuff.
I've decided to write some fanfic detailing the new adventures of the Enterprise crew after the events of the latest movie. Enjoy if you're interested and reviews are very welcome. Only two chapters so far. But more are coming!
I'm kind of new to writing fanfic so I'm looking for some reviews of my stuff.
I've decided to write some fanfic detailing the new adventures of the Enterprise crew after the events of the latest movie. Enjoy if you're interested and reviews are very welcome. Only two chapters so far. But more are coming!
Kudos to you for producing, and for having the courage to get your stuff out there. I think it is pretty good. You're writing the characters well and you jump right into the action, which is important for this kind of writing. I think the overall quality is roughly comparable to that of some of the Next Gen novels I have read. A couple of things:
1)I know you are just working through it now, but proofread and edit carefully, and have others look it over, too. Here, for example:
"looking over the shoulders of Scotty's shoulder"
2)Watch out for wordiness. Try to keep it tight and terse. Here, for example:
“Five standard days at present course and speed, Keptin,” his navigator replied exuberantly, his pronunciation of the title slightly off, a quality most of the crew found endearing in the Russian whiz kid.
You can throw in adverbs here and there, but be wary of overdoing it. I'm being silly to make a point, but dialogue like:
"You bet," he said quietly.
"Great," she said quickly.
"Let's go,"he said happily.
can kill a story. A good option for dialogue, if you are intent on adding information is to use a single action verb rather than a verb and adverb. For example, “Five standard days at present course and speed, Keptin,” his navigator beamed. If you are a writer who has never read Hemingway, I can't recommend him highly enough. No one has yet managed to out-Hemingway Hemingway, though many have tried; his prose style is really exemplary. Writing with too many modifiers is something many writers struggle with, and Hemingway I think is still the textbook.
Also, once you have misspelled 'captain,' you have made your point (whether or not that is a good strategy is another question), and anyone reading is already familiar with the character, so there is no need to inform the reader that he has an accent. The last part I think is cumbersome exposition. You're giving a bit too much information, and the crew's opinion of Chekhov's accent and the fact that he is a Russian genius are really not relevant here.
In any case, I hope some of this is helpful to you, and I wish you good luck.