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Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
It never rains on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has no doors in his house, only walls he walks through.
Chuck Norris can grate fresh parmesean cheese with his beard.
Chuck Norris can turn back time simply by staring at the clock and flexing.
Chuck Norris won a staring contest with Medusa.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
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It started maybe 10 or 11 years ago, when someone clever compiled a list of the incredible things Vin Diesel can do and it circulated as an email forward throughout the world.
I thought it was funny then. Then it got applied to the dude who wants to be President of Texas after it secedes and I was less impressed.
Like many actors / celebrities, I can watch his movies (I remember liking the Octagon as a kid, 'cause of all the ninja!), but when he opens his mouth in real life, I want him to shut it before he goes all Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise with his conspiracy theories.
* Sidekicks (1992)
I watched every minute of that damned thing...six times. I blame my Jonathan Brandis phase. But damn I can't think of a movie more dedicated to kissing someone's posterior. Religious movies are low-key by comparison.
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Hmm...I think your brain doohickey that allows you to sense humor on the internet is on the fritz. You should have that checked.
Unfortunately I am one of the few people left who does not have a doohickey that allows me to sense humor on the internet.
This fancy thinking box often confuses me and I know nothing of the culture of internet-speak.
I'm the guy who has to ask what LOL means.
I'm the guy who still hasn't gone to MySpace, FaceBook or YouTube.
The only Cookie I know is the one sauntering on Front St after dark.
When asked about my Memory I brag about my Junior High locker combination.
I have a face even my Motherboard doesn't love.
My Hard Drive ain't that hard.
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I watched every minute of that damned thing...six times. I blame my Jonathan Brandis phase. But damn I can't think of a movie more dedicated to kissing someone's posterior. Religious movies are low-key by comparison.
* Sidekicks (1992)
I know, it is my guilty pleasures movie. Its so horrid, I can't help myself. :)
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I know, it is my guilty pleasures movie. Its so horrid, I can't help myself. :)I watched every minute of that damned thing...six times. I blame my Jonathan Brandis phase. But damn I can't think of a movie more dedicated to kissing someone's posterior. Religious movies are low-key by comparison.
* Sidekicks (1992)
The white ninja suits kinda sucked though. They looked like giant diaper suits.
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The white ninja suits kinda sucked though. They looked like giant diaper suits.I know, it is my guilty pleasures movie. Its so horrid, I can't help myself. :)I watched every minute of that damned thing...six times. I blame my Jonathan Brandis phase. But damn I can't think of a movie more dedicated to kissing someone's posterior. Religious movies are low-key by comparison.
* Sidekicks (1992)
Hmm...I think your brain doohickey that allows you to sense humor on the internet is on the fritz. You should have that checked.Unfortunately I am one of the few people left who does not have a doohickey that allows me to sense humor on the internet.
This fancy thinking box often confuses me and I know nothing of the culture of internet-speak.
I'm the guy who has to ask what LOL means.
I'm the guy who still hasn't gone to MySpace, FaceBook or YouTube.
The only Cookie I know is the one sauntering on Front St after dark.
When asked about my Memory I brag about my Junior High locker combination.
I have a face even my Motherboard doesn't love.
My Hard Drive ain't that hard.
There, fixed that for you.
HEY THAT'S MY LINE!
The white ninja suits kinda sucked though. They looked like giant diaper suits.
Come one, come all! Here for an exciting one night engagement, Chuck Norris in a giant Depends suit!
Also featuring Beau Bridges as the father who believes because his son has asthma, he's a worthless waste of air who can never accomplish anything!
And tonight only! For those with exclusive prepaid premium tickets! A little boy in a wheelchair will do things with a Chuck Norris magazine for your questionable entertainment! Police will escort you "home" after the show!
Seriously, young Barry didn't need confidence. He needed medication. Giving a kid with serious mental problems instruction on how to seriously hurt someone? Way to go, guys. You know the next year he was roundhouse kicking teachers in the throat and they had to take him down with elephant tranquilizers.
In general, however, most of the things I have heard about Chuck are positive. He is said to be a very kind man in real life.Interesting. A few years ago I talked to a nice lady serving breakfast in a hotel in Houston, who claimed Chuck Norris was there the day before. "So I say to him, 'Mr. Chuck Norris! I love your show! My daughter and I watch it every week! And I ask him if he wants the check, and he gives me a mean look and he says, 'Do I look like I get checks? You give him the check!' (motioning to his producer/agent) And then he throw his napkin on the floor and walk out... I don't watch his show anymore."
Of course, this is a guy who claims that there's an atheist conspiracy to destroy America by keeping Bibles out of schools, so maybe he's just taken one kick too many to the head. Also, the lady was of Mexican ancestry, which is said to set Chuck off (even though -- or maybe because -- his birth name is "Carlos").
Still, he had some great movies. I love the scene in Good Guys Wear Black, when a guy tries to run him over with a car, and Chuck does a running jump kick through the windshield and into the driver.
As usual, Kirth has some info that I didn't know that runs contrary to what I heard. If that's true, that's awful. I'll be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he just heard something from his agent that he did not want to hear.
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Chuck Norris can ask for his waitress' phone number and get it.
I asked for a waitresses' number at a Bennigan's once, way back in high school. She wrote something in a matchbook and left it with the check. She wrote "Shelly, 1-800-EAT-SHIT". We paid cash and I wrote her a note. "You should have just said "no, I don't give my number to customers, or, you should have waited until after we paid and tipped to piss me off".
Oh, well.
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As usual, Kirth has some info that I didn't know that runs contrary to what I heard. If that's true, that's awful. I'll be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he just heard something from his agent that he did not want to hear.In general, however, most of the things I have heard about Chuck are positive. He is said to be a very kind man in real life.Interesting. A few years ago I talked to a nice lady serving breakfast in a hotel in Houston, who claimed Chuck Norris was there the day before. "So I say to him, 'Mr. Chuck Norris! I love your show! My daughter and I watch it every week! And I ask him if he wants the check, and he gives me a mean look and he says, 'Do I look like I get checks? You give him the check!' (motioning to his producer/agent) And then he throw his napkin on the floor and walk out... I don't watch his show anymore."
Of course, this is a guy who claims that there's an atheist conspiracy to destroy America by keeping Bibles out of schools, so maybe he's just taken one kick too many to the head. Also, the lady was of Mexican ancestry, which is said to set Chuck off (even though -- or maybe because -- his birth name is "Carlos").
Still, he had some great movies. I love the scene in Good Guys Wear Black, when a guy tries to run him over with a car, and Chuck does a running jump kick through the windshield and into the driver.
I've met Chuck a couple of times, he was always cool.
I've met Chuck a couple of times, he was always cool.
Are you a Mexican lady? I mean, I know a number of people who are cool to me, but not necessarily cool in general... Still, if you've met the dude, I'll be the first to concede that your information is a lot better than mine.
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I've met Chuck a couple of times, he was always cool.Are you a Mexican lady? I mean, I know a number of people who are cool to me, but not necessarily cool in general... Still, if you've met the dude, I'll be the first to concede that your information is a lot better than mine.
I am not, in fact, a Mexican lady, so, true, my info is only relevant to my personal experience. ;)
I am not, in fact, a Mexican lady, so, true, my info is only relevant to my personal experience. ;)I've met Chuck a couple of times, he was always cool.Are you a Mexican lady? I mean, I know a number of people who are cool to me, but not necessarily cool in general... Still, if you've met the dude, I'll be the first to concede that your information is a lot better than mine.
I reckon your daughter will be glad to hear that.
Once a year, Chuck Norris chooses one lucky child to throw into the sun!