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I don't know about all of you, but when i am GMing and acting as a croupier and trying to subtly introduce various NPC's that will crop up throughout the rest of the adventure, the last thing i have brain capacity for is making up witty insults! So i cobbled together a brief list from various internet joke sites to refer to while running a game of ghoulette. I figured i'd post the list here so you can focus your prep time on more important things.
I take no responsibility for whether they are appropriate, funny or insulting.
1) Appearance
As ugly as you are, did your mother wear a blindfold to breastfeed?
Hey, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
Every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!
Can I borrow your face for a few days? My butt is going on holiday.
2) Bloodline
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
3) Dmeanor/Presence
Well, they do say opposites attact...this guy’s looking to meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
4) Hygiene
Do you raise pigs, or just smell that way on your own?
You know there is a way to get rid of that rotting order.... try maggots
Did you ever consider braiding that nose hair?
5) Skill
The good thing about a game of chance is even a moron like you has a chance!
Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
You're quite a craftsman, The only things you ever make are mistakes.
6) Clothes/Equipment
Is that a cloak or did you get caught in the curtains?
You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
Ohhhhh dressed up tonight, only three stains on the shirt, i’m honored
7) Body
I’ve heard of a pear shaped figure, but your working on pomegrenate.
I've seen better hands on a leper!
Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a banana?
8) Race
Hmmmm, well look at you.... and they said rats an orcs couldn’t have offspring.
Wow hatchling, what laid your egg?
Question about your parents... who or better yet what mated with a grimlock?
9) Courage
I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.
Here’s a man who takes comfort in his own courage, when the going gets tough, he pees himself
You sure are a colorful hero... all yellow
10) Profession
Where did you get money to gamble, youre to stupid to have a job
I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
Youre quite a craftsman, The only things you ever make are mistakes.
11) Brains
Look at this idiot... he’s so dumb he thinks the Taldorian border pays rent
Are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.
You're the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.
12) Something Nice
Hey.... i seem to be missing my body, can i have yours?
Wow and just when i though the whole place was filled with total chumps, 1/2 chump here wlaked in.
Hey sweetcheeks wanna go for a spin?
You know your friends said you were stupid and ugly, but you don’t seem that dumb to me
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I put together a long list of Ghoulette insults, mostly translating "funny insults" off comedy websites into D&D. Here are some more, so other DMs don't have to spend the time:
Appearance:
"By the gods, look at you! Anyone else hurt in the accident?"
"You have the face of a saint -- a Saint Bernard!"
"See, that's what's meant by dark and handsome: When it's dark, you're handsome!"
"Don't you need a license to be that ugly?"
"You know what it would take to make you look good? About a mile."
"You'd be a shoo-in to win an ugly contest, but they don't allow professionals."
"I heard when you went to the beautician, it took 12 hours ... just to get a quote."
"If you ever got married, your wife would want to go everywhere with you, just so she wouldn't have to kiss you goodbye."
Bloodline
"How did you get in here? Did someone leave your cage open?"
"If you don't want to give anyone a bad name, make sure your kids are illegitimate."
"All that you are, you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a copper and square the account?"
"Well, look at you. And they said rats and orcs couldn't have offspring."
"Which one of your parents was an otyugh?"
"Your family tree should be cut down."
Demeanor/Presence
"You look like you're happily-married, sir -- too bad your wife isn't."
"Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?"
"The sign on the privies says 'Gentlemen,' but pay no heed to it: Go right on in."
Hygiene
"Now there's a man who always manages to keep his neck above water. I can tell by the color of it."
"Don't look now, but something must have died in your pockets."
"To say that you have the personal aroma of an otyugh would be an insult to the otyugh."
"I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of one nostril like that?"
Skill
"Your performance is sure to catch people's attention: No one's ever dared to do something so pathetically in public before."
"If failure were a crime, you'd get a life sentence."
Clothes/Equipment
"I heard you got mugged on your way here and the thugs ended up giving you 3 gold."
"Nice weapon/armor. Did you let your pet rust monster play with it?"
"Your boots are so filthy, you have to wipe your feet before you go outside."
Body
"You've not only kept your youthful figure; you've added so much to it!"
"You could make a fortune in a strip joint: They'd pay you to put on your clothes!"
"You're so fat if you got a flesh-devouring disease, you'd have 5 years to live."
Race
"Any similarity between a half-orc and an intelligent being is purely coincidental."
"I would never say dwarves are stupid; that would be an insult to stupid people."
"Please tell us everything worthwhile your race ever did. It will only take 10 seconds."
"The great thing about the Hold of Belkzen is that if another star ever falls from the sky to make the land desolate, it will look exactly the same afterward."
"If halflings were any less intelligent, they'd have to be watered twice a week."
Courage
"Now here's a man who doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fear' -- but then you don't know the meaning of most words."
"Your personal standards for bravery are set very low -- and you constantly fail to achieve them."
"I admire your courage: it takes a lot to be seen in public like that!"
"I have to hand it to you: You must be a brave man to enter a battle of wits entirely unarmed."
Profession
"You're good at what you do like halflings are good at being tall."
"You should go into politics. You could make this country what it once was -- a howling, desolate wasteland."
Brains
"Don't let your mind wander: It's far too small to be let out on its own."
"You must be lost in thought. It's only natural: It's unfamiliar territory for you."
"You've got such a narrow mind, when you walk fast, your earrings bang together."
"Don't you have a terrible, empty feeling -- in your skull?"
"Here it is -- living proof that a man can live without a brain."
"Your brain must be good as new -- you've never used it!"
"You're so stupid, when you heard most accidents occur at home, you moved!"
"I'd like to leave you with one thought ... but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it."
"They say ignorance is bliss. If so, you must be the happiest person alive!"
"Good news! They say that what you don't know can't hurt you -- so you must be invulnerable!"
"Looks like a thought just crossed your mind. It must have been a long and lonely journey."
"Most people live and learn. You just live."
"If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless."
"Something Nice"
"I don't think you're a fool, but what's my opinion compared to thousands of others?"
"I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"
"I'll never forget the first time I saw you -- although I'll keep trying."
"Someday you'll find yourself -- and wish you hadn't."
"I'll admit, my first impression of you wasn't positive. But now that I've gotten to know you better, I really hate you!"
"I look forward to the pleasure of your company. I haven't experience it yet!"
"You're lucky: You were born to be a hero. I, on the other hand, was born to be a big, fat liar."
"You have a lot of well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you into one."
"You must not be yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately!"