I am posting this message here because I am working on a 4E adventure and I wanted to get feedback from the 4E crowd.
I'm contemplating putting a piece of short fiction at the end of the adventure. It is related to the storyline of the adventure, of course. It won't add much to the download size of the adventure, but it will add pages for anyone printing it out.
So what's the general consensus? Do you like fiction along with an adventure, or it is more trouble than it's worth? Clearly, if the fiction sucks, then it won't be worth it...
...so to that end I was hoping someone with an eye for this sort of thing might look at the opening (a battle scene; small PDF linked below) and give me their thoughts. I appreciate any honest feedback, good or bad. You won't hurt my feelings:
I am posting this message here because I am working on a 4E adventure and I wanted to get feedback from the 4E crowd.
I'm contemplating putting a piece of short fiction at the end of the adventure. It is related to the storyline of the adventure, of course. It won't add much to the download size of the adventure, but it will add pages for anyone printing it out.
So what's the general consensus? Do you like fiction along with an adventure, or it is more trouble than it's worth? Clearly, if the fiction sucks, then it won't be worth it...
...so to that end I was hoping someone with an eye for this sort of thing might look at the opening (a battle scene; small PDF linked below) and give me their thoughts. I appreciate any honest feedback, good or bad. You won't hurt my feelings:
You can always tell the printer which pages not to print out. I will review this tomorrow. Fiction adds fluff as long as it doesn't straight jacket the pcs.
Who's your audience?
If it is Digital Dungeon, they may frown upon any extraneous fiction attached to their current Adventure format.
Thanks guys.
Azigen: good point about the printing. No reason you have to print the whole thing.
The Last Rogue: what is digital dungeon? I'm not familiar with it. My audience is going to be any 4E gamers who want to download the file :)
Logos: Good points but not pertinent in this instance. The fiction doesn't try to incorporate the PCs, nor do the PCs have anything to do with it. It also doesn't affect the adventure in any way. I avoided all of that purposefully. It's basically just a story set in the same location as the adventure about 50 years prior, incorporating a couple of the NPCs that show up in the adventure. It's just a bit of background fluff and if someone ignores it, it will have no bearing on the running of the adventure.
The Last Rogue: what is digital dungeon? I'm not familiar with it. My audience is going to be any 4E gamers who want to download the file :)
Sorry. I meant to say Dungeon magazine in its current on-line format over at WotC.
Sorry. I meant to say Dungeon magazine in its current on-line format over at WotC.
Ah. No, I'm probably just going to make the adventure available for download on my own. But I want the quality of it to be professional.
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Um, personally I thought the story was good. Aside from the fact you need to use more adverbs (you said Grimr in almost every sentence and used the word goblin almost as much; change it up with "he" or something, you know?), I thought it was very entertaining. If I were doing it, I would have the fiction be a seperate download so that those who want to read it can and those that don't can avoid it entirely.
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Um, personally I thought the story was good. Aside from the fact you need to use more adverbs (you said Grimr in almost every sentence and used the word goblin almost as much; change it up with "he" or something, you know?), I thought it was very entertaining. If I were doing it, I would have the fiction be a seperate download so that those who want to read it can and those that don't can avoid it entirely.
Wouldn't those be pronouns?
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no, i don't know why i felt the need to correct that. i'm not even an english major.
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So, basically I'm retarded. Yes, he needs to use more pronouns. Saying Grimr in every sentence and only ever referring to goblins as, well... goblins is irritating at best. Switch it up with some "Pronouns" and speckle in some adjectives, too. For instance:
The goblin scampered forward, his wickedly barbed blade brandished before his hate filled eyes. His thrust caught Grimr on the inner thigh, a gasp of pain escaping his lips. The foul creature danced away, laughing in menacing glee. With axe in hand, the warrior swings in a massive backhand, severing the goblin's head from it's shoulders. Black blood fountained out of the stump. The monster fell forward onto the ground with a resounding thud. Grimr smiled grimly, leveling his gaze at his next victim.
Something like that.
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you may be confused about something:
Pronoun
Adverb
And McDonald's is a Noun.so when you told him to stop using Goblin or Grimr so much, you were telling him to replace his nouns with pronouns.
Also, the example of McDonald's would be more specifically called a proper noun.
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I'm sorry. I just can't resist. Maybe that's why I'm going into teaching?
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I am not a big fan of fiction mixed in with game products. In rule books its just bloat to the page count. Even if I read it I am unlikely to ever read it again but every time I go to flip through the rules - there it is.
The only reason to add prose to a mod is to give the GM a narrative peek into the adventure background or history. At the end it could give the GM or players an idea of the consequences of the events in the mod but that would mean creating two (or more) pieces to cover potential outcomes.
If the story has nothing to do with the lead in or follow up to a mod then I would not pay much attention to it regardless of how good or bad it is.
Thanks, everyone.
Good point about the pronouns. I went back and read the excerpt aloud and it was quite clear I need to tweak that part of it (and I found other wording I didn't like as well).
I think I'll just leave the fiction separate, and if anyone wants to see it after downloading the adventure, they'll have that option. People who only want the adventure will be able to download only that.
Thanks again!
Thanks, everyone.
Good point about the pronouns. I went back and read the excerpt aloud and it was quite clear I need to tweak that part of it (and I found other wording I didn't like as well).
I think I'll just leave the fiction separate, and if anyone wants to see it after downloading the adventure, they'll have that option. People who only want the adventure will be able to download only that.
Thanks again!
Making it a Web Enchanement never hurts.
