gullet of an alcoholic kraken. When all
was said and done, the Smurf Warband
painted themselves and prepared for battle against
six massive miniature beardless hairy dwarves named
Fuzzy, Scabby Dimwhittle, Wee Wanker Willy Whistlespittle,
Töflus, Gormless Gutboy Grumblebelly and Newton Fig;
the mighty woad-painted smurfs closed for carnage
, brandishing spiked chains and greataxes, and yelled
la OUCH!" as Scabby Dimwhittle's bladed flail
smashed into Smashy Smurf's skull, spraying brains
and turkey gravy into Skinny Smurf's mouth
who said, "this'll put some meat on
my scrawny ribs!". Sadly, the brutish dwarf
caved those selfsame ribs in with his
oversized warmace, before backhanding yet another frothing
smurf, who in turn dug his fangs
, injecting the dwarf with smurf venom. This
made the dwarf spasm, as he mutated
into a powerful version of Grouchy Smurf.
The other dwarves grew sullen and seized
the original Grouchy Smurf. "Do something, you
roit twonky feeb, oor oye pit yir
... wait... What was I sayin?" In a
maddening flurry of motion, the smurf host
stripped Gargamel and Azrael of their flesh
to feed the Smurf war machine. The
remaining organ tissue was fed to Smurfette
who had, by now become a ravening
blue vixon of havoc. Her shrieking warcry
was known to be, "Feast on the
pain of my evil Satanic Head Bitey
Spleen-gouging Flesh-shredding Pirouette of Doom!", as she
reaved a glorious deathdance through the assembled
, Video Smurf caught it all on 8mm.
Video Smurf had also filmed "Smurfette Does
the Laundry in a Bulky Parka," but
had production quality worse than 'Evil Dead'
and a soundtrack of panpipe versions of
The Girl From Ipenema. Smurfette was hot
in that parka. So hot, her face
had turned purple and melted over her
Miss Piggy sweater that she wore under
water when she went bobbing for clams.
However, even clams were smart enough to
dodge her feeble fumblings as she darted
back and forth in her sodden sweater
so she took up tatooing golfers. Texas
Wolf, who was the fastest gun west
of Texarkana, got himself a pretty butterfly
|
