Director of Narrative
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Some of you may know that I am running a leather shop at the Texas Renaissance Festival, and some of you may have read my rant of how it has put a hold on my game and how Rennies sometimes bug the s$&%e out of me. Well, this weekend my shop owner neighbor and I were drinking on Friday night in my little courtyard talking about our anxiety and predictions about this season out there. The talk eventually came to certain Rennies and what episodes would come to fruit this year. We had the idea to do a comedy routine for the small crowd that gathers in my courtyard for after-show drinking and carousing based on the Foxworthy schtick of "You might be a Redneck if...", but turn it to Rennies.
I know some of you posters are in the SCA and some might be Rennies ( high-tech Rennies that have a 'net connection ), but at least a good majority either know people who do Ren Fests or at least go to them. ( I saw this weekend alone at least three groups of paying customers who obviously were gamers playing their characters in a "safe" environment. ) So I was looking for help for material.....you "LotB"s are a funny buncha folks.
Some we had come up with...
You might be a Rennie if....
...the only time you break character is to bum a cigarette.
...beer is ALWAYS ale.
...you don't drop the freakin' accent to even order a double Whopper with cheese - supersized with a Dr. Pepper.
...you can't get through a conversation without using a Monty Python quote.
...you still refer to me as M'Lord when trying to buy something from me BEFORE the show opens when I'm sweeping out my shop in my completely modern clothing.
Just a start. More to come - it IS only the first week so far.
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If you have ever peace-tied a costume weapon...
If "comely wench" is your wife's pet-name....
If your wife's "period garb" isn't an old sweatshirt and loose T-shirt.....
If your favorite sport is Jousting......
If you meet someone with a hearty "Hail, traveler!"......
If you've ever challenged someone to a Duel of Honor.....
If peasant garb turns you on.....
If you have ever used the word "Huzzah" in a sentence.....
FH (lovin' the peasant garb!)
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Director of Narrative
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C'mon boys and girls...I KNOW some of you have experience in this area. Didn't mean to come off all demanding-like, but I'm about to be away from texhnology for the next few days and will have to do catch-up to get back on track with these cursed addictive boards.
A few more...
...if you've spent more money on your costume than you did on your car.
...if you've ever owned an ocarina.
...if you've ever witnessed a hook-up and break-up of the same couple at a drum circle.
...if you've ever worked a shop just to get a free pass.
...if you've ever owned ceramic horns on a string or a fox tail tied to your belt.
...if you've ever bought a pouch that was perfect for hiding your cell phone and wallet.
...if you've ever paid for something using only Sacagawea dollars pulled from a pouch or coinpurse.
Thanks in advance for you contributors and if anyone is in East Texas anytime in the next seven weekends head to Plantersville and come to the Texas Renaissance Festival. Look me up in shop #238.
...if you've ever paid for something using only Sacagawea dollars pulled from a pouch or coinpurse.
Hah! Been there, done that! How about these?
...if you've ever called someone to task for using snaps, hooks, studs, and other such modern contrivances.
...if you've ever spent more time/effort/research on your next Renn costume or purchase than you did on your term paper/homework.
...if you've ever attempted to convince your significant other that it's bad form not to ogle the wenches.
Weak, I know, but it's the best I could come up with on short notice.
For a second, I thought you said,"You might be a Rhennie if..." and then of course the list would read ,"..you live on a boat in the Flanaess", "...you live on a boat and have a super short temper".
I was with a whole bunch of gamer friends who were bowling (something I had not done for 2 or so decades) and I asked the serving wench (err, I mean bartender) for a pint of the only drinkable beer there. They all laughed and said, "It's a bowling alley they don't have pints". Lo and behold, 1 1/2 hours later I was served a beer in one of the (I suspect) 3 or 4 pint glasses they had (it was a 14.9 oz pint glass, but it was a bowling alley). I would have asked to go to a microbrewery if I wanted great beer.
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Director of Narrative
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For a second, I thought you said,"You might be a Rhennie if..." and then of course the list would read ,"..you live on a boat in the Flanaess", "...you live on a boat and have a super short temper".
Me's loves the river folk, but them's not the group I was targeting.
Edit: Though the gypsy nature of both are appropriate connections. And it's wise to keep an eye on anything not nailed down when dealing with some of them. Thank the gods for either a good Sense Motive or just a recognition of my previous roguish nature.
...you refer to your clothes as "garb."
...you find cloaks more comfortable than a coat.
...you can fix a five-course meal over a campfire or propane stove.
...you've ever stumbled your way at zero-dark-thirty to a biffie - er, porta-potty - and walked along the "pier."
...you have a detailed family history ready to go for your medieval alter ego, a character with at least four names.
...only 1% of your heavily sparkled breasts are covered by bottice.
...you show up to the most expensive sword booth at the faire every year looking at the same $8000 sword you want, then lament when you see that after ten years someone finally bought the thing... as if you were almost ready to take the plunge.
...you tell the bartender that you've never had mead before. That way when you order some you'll be able to show off, ad nauseum, your already well honed drinking-a-glass-of-it-without-using-your hands skills.
...your almost inconsolable when your dollar tip fails to yield even a single huzzah.
...faire goers walk up to you in your costume and ask a question because they think you work there. You explain that you don't, but their condescending smirking is proof enough enough that no one believes you.
...the first thing you think about when leaving for the faire is how you'll soon be avidly digging into a big greasy heap of fresh spawned potato chips covered in malt vinegar. You're happy about this because you suffer from a kind of amnesia that causes you to forget what that tater spunk is going to feel like once lodged in your defenseless stomach.
...you go to the faire so often that the only thing left to do is sit and watch those poor talented hammered dulcimer musicians who draw a crowd of three for each twenty minute gig. You buy their CD because you've been caught up in the pathos of the public's underappreciation.
...you've ever used an idiotically underpowered child's bow to pierce the red painted heart on a bale of hay.
...you find that the best part of wearing your costume is making love in it the minute you get home to your equally garbed lady fair. Oh yeah. S'good to be a rennie.
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...you find that the best part of wearing your costume is making love in it the minute you get home to your equally garbed lady fair. Oh yeah. S'good to be a rennie.
I thought they weren't allowed to mate.
and a couple more....
If you have an opinion, one way or the other, on the quality of butted-link chainmail in comparison to rivited-linked chainmail....
If you have an unquenchable desire for mutton, meade (with the "e" for true period flavour), grog, or a flagon of ale....
FH
...you find that the best part of wearing your costume is making love in it the minute you get home to your equally garbed lady fair. Oh yeah. S'good to be a rennie.I thought they weren't allowed to mate.
and a couple more....
If you have an opinion, one way or the other, on the quality of butted-link chainmail in comparison to rivited-linked chainmail....
If you have an unquenchable desire for mutton, meade (with the "e" for true period flavour), grog, or a flagon of ale....
FH
Oh, I'z always allowed to mate.
I was just at a rennie faire and got my car blocked in by other cars in the lot. The volunteer fireman who came to assist (had an air gun .45 in his tow truck) was nice enough to hang around a bit, but, perhaps because I wasn't wearing a costume, he and a cop went on about how annoying and pathetic the rennies were.
"S'cuse me sire... where is the-- NO! YOU TALK TO ME IN ENGLISH!"
They both had thick New Yawk accents and were tirading against people talking funny. Adorable. BTW, when I asked if his pistol was real he said, "If it was I would have already shot myself today." Not a fan of the faire.
That said, I'm no fan of people walking around doing Terry Jones imitations either. You want to walk up speaking olde or middle english, old french, whatever... cool. I'll at least respect your conviction and authenticity.
I guess that if there are trekkies and trekkers, I'm a rennie and not a renner. These days the thrill is gone. It's a bunch of hams at an outdoor mall. Nothing wrong with it but oh so boring.
...you brought your own belt-strung drinking mug.
If you have an opinion, one way or the other, on the quality of butted-link chainmail in comparison to rivited-linked chainmail...
Riveted-link chainmail gets caught in my hair. :P
Riveted-link chainmail gets caught in my hair. :P
If you have an opinion, one way or the other, on the quality of butted-link chainmail in comparison to rivited-linked chainmail...
Butted-link gets caught in my butt.
You are supposed to wear something under the bikini bottoms to prevent that :P
It was definitely a learning experience, that's for sure...
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Director of Narrative
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I guess that if there are trekkies and trekkers, I'm a rennie and not a renner. These days the thrill is gone. It's a bunch of hams at an outdoor mall. Nothing wrong with it but oh so boring.
I like the distinction. My shop-neighbor links rennies (now renamed renners) to hippies and american neo-gypsies. I think there are more colors to the rennie flag than that, although many of them are just transitory hippies.
...you brought your own belt-strung drinking mug.
Hey! We sell both mugstraps and leather mugs. http://www.leathermugs.com/
*end shameless plug*
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Director of Narrative
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WHOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!
It's over. Eight weeks of missing my Sunday night game while making belts for fat Texans has come to a close. No more dumb quesitons. No more fried food or food on sticks. No more working on the weekends.
I've also got a couple more...
...if your costume cost more than your car.
...if you have to climb a ladder to go to bed.
(or if you have to camp)
...if your tent is set up on a pallate.
...if you have to have someone else help you get dressed in the morning.
...if your "chamber pot" is a five-gallon plastic bucket.
Yay, I get to game again.
Also, I heard the funniest phrase that I have heard in a while this past weekend. This little girl gleefully exclaimed upon seeing the belly dancer performance from a distance, "Ooooh! Gypsies!!!" Upon noticing gypsies I usually heard people say, "Ugh, gypsies."
...if your "chamber pot" is a five-gallon plastic bucket.
Egads! Some people do live it don't they?
Glad to hear you'll be regaining some normalcy.
BTW, I missed your previous post the first time around. Those mugs on your site are quite amazing. As a vegan I can't buy them, but hey, if I didn't look I'd be dead, right?
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Director of Narrative
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Those mugs on your site are quite amazing. As a vegan I can't buy them, but hey, if I didn't look I'd be dead, right?
It's actually kinda funny that my wife and I are vegetarians and this year I noticed that at least three other leather vendors are vegetarians. Kinda weird how that works out.
Also, from your posts on this thread I can tell you've been to a faire or two. Where are you located and which faires have you been to?
"The beer is in the pickup truck"- traditional rennie saying that indicates that one is still talking in character long after cannon, or in the case of TRF, long after cannon and fireworks.
You may be a rennie if-
-you get these jokes: How many rennies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they screw in tents and trailers.
and What do you call a rennie boy without a girlfriend? Homeless.
-your moresca costume cost less than your Angelfire sword, but you've always wanted a more expensive one (either way).
-you get nostalgic for the smell of privies
-you know how to use a privy in the middle of the night on a new moon in costume and not get any on yourself
-even people who live next door to you (renfaire drive) know you better as your character than in real life (i.e: Clark/Ded Bob)
-you can't look at a turkey leg without either a feeling of revulsion or deep seated desire.
-you wear your costume to Halloween parties every year and people ask you: "what are you supposed to be" and you answer: "A peasant m'lord"
-you can't wake up in the morning without burning at least 20 sticks of Nag Champa and/or patchouli insence
-you have several tattoos, but they are all "in period" so crafts coordinators and faire managers don't bug you.
-you debate wether you should take your hat off before smoking a cigarette on a faire day because smoking in costume is a worse infraction than not having a headpiece.
-you refer to your tent as a house
-you look forward to upgrading to a pop-up
-you consider a trip to Dallas for Scarby a short drive.
-When King George comes walking down the way, you automatically look for escape routes.
-You know who King George is
-You are a flower seller who has ever been asked to make an interstate delivery (this happened to me)
As I stated in another post, Daigle, I am definitely jealous of you for being at TRF. I lived in Magnolia (out Nichol Sawmill way) for three years, and traveled with the faires for almost ten. I love that show and so many of my friends that I game with are there. We used to sit at the Copper Rose and play D&D all day Tuesday-Friday. This must have been the last weekend, but best of luck with future shows!
P.S: Jade, yours were hilarious. Did that happen at NYRF? I wonder. It happened to me in TX once when I was out of costume and out running an errand on a faire day. Someone asked me "Don't you hate those Rennies and their traffic?" The last one is oh-so-true, yes its good to be a rennie. It may take those ladies hours to get into the bodice, but with my successful Escape Artist check, I can have that thing undone as a standard action.
Daigle, it occurs to me that you may be the competition, as I am sorta "married into" the Bald Mountain family. Is Richard one of the vegetarian leather vendors you mentioned? Your mugs look really nice, though and I see you are based in Wisconsin. My fiancee is from Kenosha and ran Bald Mountain at TRF and others for many years, though she only does NYRF now.
It's actually kinda funny that my wife and I are vegetarians and this year I noticed that at least three other leather vendors are vegetarians. Kinda weird how that works out.
That is intriguing. Who woulda thunk it?
Also, from your posts on this thread I can tell you've been to a faire or two. Where are you located and which faires have you been to?
I'm in NY and I've been to the faire in Sterling Forest and the same corporation's faire in Arizona.
I was also at a MSR (museum studies recreation) faire on Long Island many years ago. There was a group there trying to recruit me to join them and sword fight with state sanctioned steel. "We're the only group in NY that is allowed to fight with steel."
"So... everyone else is using converted lawn furniture?"
"Ha Ha! Yes! We get money from the government."
Being that some of these knights were wearing sweatpants to the faire... I took their number but didn't pursue it. Not glamorous. Not glamourous at all.
Oh, and I bought a nifty harp there on which I taught myself to pluck a few reels.
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Director of Narrative
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Daigle, it occurs to me that you may be the competition, as I am sorta "married into" the Bald Mountain family. Is Richard one of the vegetarian leather vendors you mentioned? Your mugs look really nice, though and I see you are based in Wisconsin. My fiancee is from Kenosha and ran Bald Mountain at TRF and others for many years, though she only does NYRF now.
Thanks for the great post. It would have been great to share some of those musings with the other shopkeeps. As far as the vegetarian leather workers/shopkeeps go, I have no idea who in particular it is. This season there was this guy set up with a lowboy trailer with a huge smoker/grill set up on it and he sold BBQ inside one of the circles and sold to participants only. I got him to make bocas for a couple of weekends, but he stopped because it wasn't worth it to him. He was the one that told me about the other two leather vendors. It was in the 200 ring so that would include Bald Mountain but I don't know Richard. Also that ring of shops has Mike and Marla from Lost Art Leather, Ken Wilson from Excalibur Leather, the folks at Scarlet Leather and one more shop that I can't remember in addition to the one I ran. Also, I'm from Texas and live in Austin; I only run LaVigne Leather for Nick who is from Wisconsin.
It seems you know quite alot of people out there at TRF, maybe if you make it down next season stop by and you can know another.
Nice to "meet" you Daigle. I really enjoyed your wry take on the Faire in the other thread (I forget which one) Yeah, TRF is one of my favorite shows and certainly my fiancee's home away from home. She worked for Bald Mountain for her entire 14 year faire career, and TRF was her favorite show.
Thanks for the invite. I would be delighted to make your acquaintance and in all likelihood I will be at TRF next year. Mike and Marla are great, and I have owned countless pairs of their tights. That whole ring is filled with really cool people.
I hope your season went well, and enjoy the rest of the year. I wintered in Austin one year, and really loved it. Great music, food, people... all the things that put the icing on the carrot cake of life.
See you in Plantersville next year!
Hey Daigle, you out there this year? I'm going Nov 10th.
No ma'am! I quit the shop this year so I could use my weekends to hunt that elusive creature people call "free time". So far it's worked out well and as a bonus I've gotten to shower regularly, eat well-prepared meals and haven't smelled patchouli in ages.
Lucky you. I thought I was going to skip this year but friends from Australia are coming in & she hasn't been to one since she moved over there & her husband & his family have NEVER been to one. So.... patchouli smells in 2 weeks, oh joy. Glad the free time beast didn't allude you on the hunt.