The helpful pointers in the Zherog's "Critique My Query" thread are the kind of thing that would be very helpful to many of us before submission.
The problem with discussing un-sumbitted queries of course is that they shouldn't be public, as if they are accepted and published that should be the first time they are seen.
Can anyone think of a way around that?
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Find somebody (or a couple of somebodies ;) ) to proofread for you. The person doesn't necessarily need to understand gaming, just a good story. You need to find somebody you trust to be completely honest with you. In other words, you know for certain they'll tell you when something sucks.
Some things you can do on your own. Passive voice, for example. MS Word isn't a replacement for good proofreading, but it's very good at picking out passive voice. So let it do what it's good at; when Word find them, obviously you're going to fix them - but also take the time to figure out how you could've avoided it to begin with.
After you think you're done with your manuscript, leave it alone for a couple of days; after a few days, go back and actually read it again. Don't skim; read every word, and try (as difficult as it is) to put yourself in the editor's shoes. What's missing? What's difficult to understand? What's too verbose? You'll find a few things by going back over it again.
Mostly, though, finding one or two people to proofread is the best option you have.
Find somebody (or a couple of somebodies ;)
Fancy being that somebody, I would be more than happy to reciprocate. All the local people I can think of may have to also playtest. *smiles*
MS Word isn't a replacement for good proofreading, but it's very good at picking out passive voice.
I've just recently disovered all the extra usage checking it can do in addition to the grammar checking. It initially complained about passive voice for me mostly, though that has lessened recently as it is now making me think before typing.
Yep - I find myself being much more proactive about passive voice. When I started writing "professionally" in the summer of '04, I didn't even know what passive voice was. I struggled really bad trying to figure out how to rearrange some sentences - sometimes taking longer to edit those little green lines than writing the actual article. Eventually, though, it got easier and easier to fix them. Then I noticed that I wrote in passive less frequently. I'm still not completely there - I have spats where those green lines seem to pop up too frequently, and sometimes I stare at one of those green lines, unable to think how to rearrange the sentence. But I'm getting there. ;)
As for me being your proofreader... I probably can't check everything, but I can help you out once in a while. Here's some contact info:
e-mail: zherog at yahoo dot com
Yahoo! IM: johnsusanl
AIM: Zherog
If anybody attempts to contact me, please make sure you mention you're from the Paizo boards; otherwise, you might end up in my spam folder or get your IM ignored.
Thanks! My main problem is I can not tell whether or not my ideas are all too clichéd :) It's difficult to know yourself I guess. The other thing that's hard to pickup on when you have been condensing lots is whether or not plot holes have appeared and gone un-noticed.