Without rancor, self pity or bitterness but with a sense of happy resignation and wonder for the few inspired and gifted enough to be published, when should an aspiring fantasy writer, both for literary and gaming fantasy, know that he or she will never be published?
Living a fulfilling life, when should an aspiring fantasy writer be able to just acknowledge that in all other spheres of life one is really lucky to be happy, that success in fantasy writing is just not meant to be?
Some of the best authors were never recognized for their talents until years after their deaths. My advice - write for YOU, because you love it and enjoy it. If someone, somewhere, someday wants to buy/publish/read it... well, consider that a bonus. :)
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Whenever you find yourself faced with rejection, you need to decide if you're willing and able to change your writing to accomodate your critics.
If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn't continue trying to break into the field. While your writing may be superior, of you're not providing what the publisher wants (no matter how misguided they might be) you're creating additional stress that you'd be better without.
However, that doesn't mean you have to quit writing. Just (at least for a while) give up on being published "officially".
Keep this in mind. A writer, well, writes. If writing makes you happy, then keep doing it. The end goal may not always be your preference, but no editor, agent, or publisher can tell you to stop writing. Write for you. Even if there is no room for your work right now, who can say what a publisher and/or the public may want 10, 15, 20 years from now. Keep writing, improve your technique, be creative and above all enjoy the process.
I think you are ascribing success too much to skill. I used to feel the way you feel, but I've realized that no one out there is that spectacular. Of course it is possible you are not a really good writer (although you will only improve if you love it and keep doing it), but the more I read, the more I realize that I can do just as well if not better than many if not most of the people who manage to get published. I mean, I'm not trying to take any credit away from people who write books--it is not easy at all. But, if you read a lot of fantasy novels (which I assume you do), you'll see that most writing is decidedly "whatever," if not poor. Of course you have to try your best, but in the end it is really about doggedly casting lines until you get some bites. Eventually, if you keep trying something you write will end up on the right desk or in the right inbox at the right time. Once you have your foot in the door, it gets much easier. Breaking in is really the trick.
Keep at it, persistence is the key, especially nowadays with so much competition. If you really want it, you just have to keep at it. Don't let up until you get there. Refuse to be discouraged by rejections, and don't assume that a rejection means your work isn't good. YOu might just have to keep shopping it around until you hit the right editor at the right time.
It's also good to remember that many authors write in their free time - they have some other job, and they write on the side. Not that many authors, to my knowledge, are successful enough to write full-time. For example, I found it really heartening to learn that Eric Boyd, an author I admire, is actually a software development manager who writes Forgotten Realms books on the side. If that's how he does it - clearly there's nothing wrong with being a part-time author!
Writing never leads to publication, unless you're a genius. Only rewriting leads to publication. Producing publishable manuscripts is a long, hard, but rewarding process.
Some people don't possess the time or the desire to work hard enough to render something publishable. It is a time-consuming process; some say a lifelong process. Some people prefer to write for the joy, for the spontenaiety, and share their work with friends. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and if it makes you happy, then do it!
-Amber S.