Ward Cleaver's page

How 'bout a Wand of Wonder Bread?

LOL - cursed Robe of Blending -- ouch.

I'm hoping the literati/theater buffs of the OTD boards can help me with this one. I am co-producing a Shakespearean-themed revue, and I need to choose a Shakespeare monologue.

Criteria:

It needs to be short, preferably under 2 minutes. (No "Friends, Romans, Countrymen...")

I'm 28. So no Lear/Prospero/etc.

Nothing so heavy and/or iconic that people are going to have expectations I couldn't possibly meet. (No "To be or not to be" or "Is this a dagger I see before me?")

No Romeo and Juliet, Henry V, The Taming of the Shrew, Much Ado About Nothing, or A Midsummer Night's Dream because those are already being featured in the revue.

Possibilities: I am considering Shylock's "revenge" speech from A Merchant of Venice or the opening of Richard III, but I'd like more options to consider.

Iago's monologue in Othello regarding "O" is a good one:

That Cassio loves her, I do well believe it;
That she loves him, ’tis apt, and of great credit:
The Moor, howbeit that I endure him not,
Is of a constant, loving, noble nature;
And I dare think he’ll prove to Desdemona
A most dear husband. Now, I do love her too;
Not out of absolute lust,—though peradventure
I stand accountant for as great a sin,—
But partly led to diet my revenge,
For that I do suspect the lusty Moor
Hath leap’d into my seat; the thought whereof
Doth like a poisonous mineral gnaw my inwards;
And nothing can or shall content my soul
Till I am even’d with him, wife for wife;
Or failing so, yet that I put the Moor
At least into a jealousy so strong
That judgment cannot cure. Which thing to do,
If this poor trash of Venice, whom I trash
For his quick hunting, stand the putting-on,
I’ll have our Michael Cassio on the hip;
Abuse him to the Moor in the rank garb,
For I fear Cassio with my night-cap too,
Make the Moor thank me, love me, and reward me
For making him egregiously an ass
And practising upon his peace and quiet
Even to madness. ’Tis here, but yet confus’d:
Knavery’s plain face is never seen till us’d.

for further ideas, this site is great.

Do you like to Brush his hair, its just so purply and ...sigh so strong...........

Thank you. This thread has just completely ruined any fond memories I had of my "My Little Pony" collection. In fact, I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit, there. So now I'm off to the Goodwill...

...then therapy. Yes, Thanks, thanks again.

Ward Cleaver wrote:

(enters wearing a flour-dusted apron, carrying a platter of scones)

June, dear, here's those goodies you requested for your tea par..

(looks around at the assemblage, non-plussed)

Well...my goodness. What an... ahemm... interesting group of ... of friends you have, my dear! I'll just set these down over here.

(crosses quickly to endtable while gingerly stepping over various bits of clothing, body parts, etc.; glances at Jack writhing around, notices the candelabra, leans over and whispers as Jack stumbles from the thread)

Take it from me, my boy -- a little bit of Crisco makes ALL the difference...

Get back in the kitchen. You're not done.

Yes... yes of course, dear. So much to do, really; brew more tea... polish the candelabra... shave the Beaver...

(exits room, wringing hands, mumbling to himself incoherently)

(enters wearing a flour-dusted apron, carrying a platter of scones)

June, dear, here's those goodies you requested for your tea par..

(looks around at the assemblage, non-plussed)

Well...my goodness. What an... ahemm... interesting group of ... of friends you have, my dear! I'll just set these down over here.

(crosses quickly to endtable while gingerly stepping over various bits of clothing, body parts, etc.; glances at Jack writhing around, notices the candelabra, leans over and whispers as Jack stumbles from the thread)

Take it from me, my boy -- a little bit of Crisco makes ALL the difference...

Well, Gosh, that just isn't so!

Why, I'm in tip-top condiiiiiiii <wrrrrclk> in tip-top condiiiiiii <wrrrrclk> in tip-top condiiiiiii<wrrrrclk> in tip-top condiiiiiiimmmmmrrrrrr

Dear, when you are finished assisting the Bulmahnauts, could you hurry home? It's just so difficult to spend quality time with the Beaver without you here...