Hail ye Chelish lords! Hail ye dukes of Isger!
Abbie plays at swords and wee devils with her.
Do you know the place called the Stallion's Hammer?
I saw Abbie Grace dallin' with a lemure!
Before the tears had dried for the dead Azlanti
Abbie she connived for to up the ante--
Marked old Gaspie's deck in her game of Towers
And Gaspie cashed his cheque for a wreath of flowers!
Abbie went to Hell! There is little doubt here
For that awful smell that always clings about her.
Who will stand his ground? Davy will defend it!
He'll wear the Chelish crown, though dented he will mend it!
Milani sent the call to Cayden and to Desna
To make the curtain fall on Abbie's fell adventure.
Davy's holding strong his Ostensan vira
While Abbie's gazing long in her infernal mirror.
Hail to Bobbing Don! And the Inheritor's Lady!
Hail to Lancer Tran-- her dancers all a-ready!
Davy's back in town and like an angry daddy
Take her knickers down and spank the bum of Abbie!
(Repeat first verse)
History:
Loyalist folk song from the Chelaxian Civil War (4626-4640), in support of House Davian. This song stands out for its thinly-veiled yet coded language, sardonic and crude sexual humor, and vitriolic anti-Thrune sentiment.
Attributed by Chelish authorities to the halfling bard Chimon of Kintargo (4598-4641), who was convicted of penning this song and was executed in Egorian for it. Most scholars outside of Cheliax doubt this authoriship, citing significant stylistic differences with other known works by Chimon. The internal rhyme scheme and coded language strongly suggest Varisian authorship, especially in comparison to the Varisian folk song "Came He O'er the Sea," which shares the tune. (See below)
Copies of this song were printed in Kintargo in handbill format in 4634-5 and widely circulated. All printed copies were ordered to be destroyed per Imperial Order 7-4321.1 subsction F, issued by Her Infernal Majestrix Abrogail I in 4640. Any person caught performing this song was to receive 30 lashes and have his or her tongue cut out.
The tune used is from the Varisian folk song, "Came He O'er the Sea," a similarly-satirical retelling of the First Battle of Conquorer's Bay (4405) near Korvosa. That song tells how an outnumbered Shoanti quah successfully repelled the first attempt to invade Varisia by Chelish forces.
line-by-line explanation of meaning:
1. Hail ye Chelish lords! Hail ye dukes of Isger!
2. Abbie plays at swords and wee devils with her.
3. Do you know the place called the Stallion's Hammer?
4. I saw Abbie Grace dallin' with a lemure!
5. Before the tears had dried for the dead Azlanti
6. Abbie she connived for to up the ante--
7. Marked old Gaspie's deck in her game of Towers
8. And Gaspie cashed his cheque for a wreath of flowers!
9. Abbie went to Hell! There is little doubt here
10. For that awful smell that always clings about her.
11. Who will stand his ground? Davy will defend it!
12. He'll wear the Chelish crown, though dented he will mend it!
13. Milani sent the call to Cayden and to Desna
14. To make the curtain fall on Abbie's fell adventure.
15. Davy's holding strong his Ostensan vira
16. While Abbie's gazing long in her infernal mirror.
17. Hail to Bobbing Don! And the Inheritor's Lady!
18. Hail to Lancer Tran-- her dancers all a-ready!
19. Davy's back in town and like an angry daddy
20. Take her knickers down and spank the bum of Abbie!
1. A call to unaligned Chelish lords (including those in the province of Isger) to unite under Davian's banner.
2. A warning against the rise of House Thrune:
"Abbie:" Duchess Abrogail Thrune of Egorian (later Queen Abrogail I).
"plays at swords:" double-meaning: an inexperienced military commander, and Varisian slang for having many male sexual partners.
"wee devils:" dismissal of Thrune strategy of reinforcing its ranks with called devils.
3. "Stallion's Hammer:" Infamous brothel in Egorian specializing in male whore-slaves.
4. An insinuation that House Thrune must debase itself to devils:
"Abbie Grace:" referece to Duchess Abrogai's title
"lemure:" foul, dim-witted infernal creature that is the least of devil-kind.
5. "dead Azlanti:" Aroden
6. (through line 8) An extended analogy of the war as a card game.
7. Accusation that House Thrune consipred against King Gaspodar.
"Gaspie:" King Gaspodar
"marked the deck:" cheated at cards; by extension betrayed the king.
"game of Towers:" double-meaning: both the well-known card game of Towers, and the political side of the war.
8. Accusation that House Thrune assassinated King Gaspodar.
9-10. House Thrune is tainted by its deviltry. Also a direct insult.
11. "Davy:" House Davian
12. "though dented he will mend it" (the crown): When it gains the throne, House Davian will re-unite a fractured Cheliax.
13-14. Hyperbolic claim that the gods are on the side of House Davian. Note that all the gods cited are diametrically opposed philosophically to diabolism.
15. House Davian successfully defended Ostenso from a Thrune offensive in 4532.
"vira:" A Chelish estate
16. Unclear. Perhaps this line calls out the hubris of House Thrune's belief in being able to control its infernal allies.
17. The last stanza is a rallying cry for allies of House Davian
"Bobbing Don:" Admiral Donwell Crispin (4592-4639)
"Iomedae's Lady:" probably First Sword Knight Pontia Voralius of Kintargo (4602-4644)
18. "Lancer Tran:" probably General Trania Davian (4598-4640).
"dancers:" probably a reference to the 19th Cavalry Brigade, "Darwath's Dancers."
19-20: Prediction of House Davian's victory in the war. Analogy that Abrogail is a child throwing a tantrum that needs to be disciplined by her father. Also note the sexual overtones of the final line.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
MapTool might be a possibility for drawing stuff. It's was I was going to use for my aborted Ravenloft PbP.
MapTool is free open-source VTT software written in Java. It has basic but effective mapping tools, including a grid overlay. It doesn't have particularly good export capability, but you could draw what you want and then use your computer's built-in screen-capture utility to copy out sections as JPGs. You could then use those JPGs in Google Drive.
GIMP is another possibility if you're having trouble with Photoshop.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Still curious about the orb, Val retrieves a vial of holy water and unstoppers the vial. Holding the vial over the orb, she lets one drop of holy water fall onto it, and carefully observes the orb's rwaction.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
After Meepo shows the party to its quarters for the night, Val channels Desna's healing energies. If anyone requires more healing, she will tend to wounds traditionally.
She had five uses remaining uses of channel energy, for 5d6 ⇒ (2, 3, 1, 6, 3) = 15 healing total.
Through the Dragon Door, Val regards the chamber and its single remaining glowing orb. Just inside the chamber, she takes a moment to scratch a stylized butterfly sigil onto the stone wall next to the door. With a grin, she muuters, "Another found-mark for me!"
Exchanging glances with the rest of the party, Val then examines the glowing orb, marveling at the notes emanating from it. She places her hand near the orb, feeling for heat, but takes care not to touch it.
She then steps back and casts a spell, her eyes glowing with a faint bluish light. She gazes intently at the glowing orb, her brow slightly furrowed.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
"Elion, I am in agreement that we should open the Dragon Door before we descend. However, we're all pretty beat up from the fight against the goblins, and then the fight for succession here."
"King Meepo, may we rest for a while in the same place we did last night? Also-- Do you have any idea what happened to Teral?"
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Hi, folks.
I wanted to give you all a heads-up that I'll be going silent the week after next. My family is going to England on vacation for a week. We're flying out of JFK a week from tomorrow.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Val gives a respectful nod to Anton, and addresses the new kobold king, "Another way to look at this is that you should exile her instead of executing her. That shows that you are so strong, you don't need to kill your enemies."
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
"Bellicus!"
Seeing the knight take heavy damage, Val changes her spell mid-casting. Her prayer to Desna switches from asking the Starsong to send send a divine servant to aid our fight to beseeching for divine healing.
A cloud of silver-and-blue energy glitters around her hand, and one can see faint images of butterflies fluttering therein. She steps past Meepo and lays her hand on Bellicus' shoulder. "Feel the healing power of the Song of the Spheres!"
Spontaneously casting cure light wounds on Bellicus.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Mike-- a quick question for you...
In the Desna article in Pathfinder #2 there is mention of substituting Desna-themed statistical equivalents of creatured conjured by summon monster spells. (IOW, same stats, different visuals.)
Would you mind if I did that with Valeria?
On another subject entirely... I just submitted a "Weal and Woe" article for Wayfinder #11 that includes a character that people in this game might find somewhat familiar. I am really hoping it gets published!
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Don't forget we're all blessed: +1 to hit & (the kobolds are -1)
Val starts singing an improvising a song about King Meepo and his dragon. She steps back between Meepo and Elion, and hurls her starknife at the kobold that had been threatening her. But the kobold parries the spinning blade, which clanks across the floor.
Val then draws the damaged magical starknife recovered earlier.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Re: the broken +1 starknife...
According to the mending spell, using it to repair magic items requires that the caster be at least the caster level of the item. The caster level to create a +1 weapon is 5th. Not sure if that's the CL of the item.
A +1 starknife, by the rules, should have Hardness 12 and 12 hp. I was going to ask how many hp it currently has (mending repairs 1d4 hp per casting), but since it's a 0-level spell, Val can cast it at will. (10 min casting time). Assuming a string of bad rolls, it will take at most two hours to repair it to full-- assuming that she's of sufficient CL to do it.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Spellcraft check, based on Meepo's description:1d20 + 5 ⇒ (1) + 5 = 6
Hmm... It sounds like Yusdrayl probably must have used some kind of MAGIC! Unless it's just a trick... ummm... I got nuthin'.
"Meepo, you would be a great king. And, I think you should treat your little dragon friend here better-- maybe not keep it in a cage, perhaps? And certainly not hit it with a stick! If you can get your dragon to LIKE you, imagine what a strong king you would be!"
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Mike: Quick question...
With our sorcerer on hiatus, and our bard taking a bit of a back seat right now, would you be OK with my juggling Val's skill selection a bit? She doesn't currently have any ranks in Spellcraft...
(Lack of skill points is one thing that makes playing an ersatz bard kind of difficult...)
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
I figured that you and Robert were kind of busy!
I think that a diplomatic approach might be best, backed up with force if necessary. I'm guessing that Yusdrayl isn't going to surrender without a fight.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Val steps into the room and gingerly picks up the unconscious dragon, making sure that it's still alive. She marvels at the creature's beauty, and at the danger the creature poses. She then locks her gaze on the gleeful-looking kobold and the sack he is holding, and regards him with an accusitory look.
"Given the reaction of this creature upon seeing you, it really didn't seem to like you very much, Meepo. I thought that the dragon was your tribe's friend, or at least a beloved pet, not a slave. I do not approve of keeping slaves. Honestly, it looks like the goblins were treating it better than you were!"
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
All I can say is-- in 30 years of playing D&D and its successors, I've never had a second-level character fight a dragon!
Val repositions, and attempts to strike the the dragon through the open doorway, but misjudges the angle. Her mace connects with the stone wall instead, sending a few sparks shooting into the corridor.
hp 16/16 | AC 16; touch 11; flat-foot 15 | Init +1 | Per +3 | Fort +4; Reflex +1; Will +6 | CMD 12
Not really having any other tricks up her sleeve for this situation, Val raises her mace and takes another swing at the cat-sized winged lizard. Seeming to get the hang of the balance of her new weapon, she connects!
