Urf Rotnose's page

When it got pointed out that they possibly were close to the potential ambush site, Urf let Itchy Butt off his shoulders and quickly hopped on the saddle, prodding the goblin dog to be ready to charge at a moment's notice. Lance in hand, he started to follow where Rissi was slinking off to, but was able to gather that she was just scouting ahead. The impatient goblin was able to understand that it was a sound enough decision to obey it, especially since he wasn't very good at hiding.

While he waited, it appeared that the others were getting ready. The fetchling and half-drow were obviously doing something magical, though Urf kept a close eye on Mika to make sure he wasn't using a book. He got distracted by Xarann and Illiana going at each other. Whether or not he could understand them since I don't know if Comprehend Languages was shared, he got a little irritated by it.

The few minutes Rissi was away elapsed, and Urf's short, nearly nonexistent patience wore out. Without warning and without hesitation, he spurred Itchy Butt to charge in the direction Rissi had slunk off in, lance raised above his head.

"Someone come out and fight Urf!" he yelled, obviously trying to draw attention to himself. "Urf bored! Urf need glory so Urf get ship! Who brave enough to fight glorious Urf?! Show self!"

At first, Urf was doing fine during the long walk, staying relatively quiet compared to his normal self. It even seemed like he was trying to keep an eye out for trouble, looking this way and that, his lance always within his grasp. Even Itchy Butt seemed on guard, his gait poised for the potential to spring into action. Perhaps he truly was a knight of some kind with experience in the line of work set before the party.

That lasted about an hour into the first day, where the goblin visibly and audibly announced that he was getting bored. He would shift in the saddle almost nonstop, groaning and grumbling to himself in Goblin. When they came upon the few duergar patrols, it seemed like he was getting ready to challenge them with increasing intensity each time. Thankfully, he always thought better of it or was talked down from it just in time, each and every time.

After a few days, having no doubt annoyed every other member in the party, when Xaraan suggested finding the last ambush site, Urf groaned loudly. "Urf tired of walking!" he said, rolling his eyes. "Itchy Butt not gonna be able to run if he have to walk so much all day! You not want hurt Urf's Itchy Butt, right?!"

It wasn't like the goblin had any other ideas, though, so after some more grumbling, he sighed out, "Fiiiine, we walk more, but Itchy Butt need rest!"

While most of the party would probably assume that meant taking a break for a couple of hours, Urf instead got off the saddle, gave a small whistle, and within seconds, Itchy Butt was draped across Urf's shoulders, the little goblin motioning to keep moving forward.

Not sure if Urf can actually hold him, but having a current strength of 17 should suffice. Goblin dogs don't weigh that much, anyway, and this is just funny.

When the leader told the party to hold, that prompted Urf to respond with, "Hold what?!" as he looked around what whatever he was supposed to grab. The rest of the party stopped while the guard talked, which distracted the goblin enough to abandon his search and notice just how many guards there were. He tried to count how many there were, but he ran out of fingers and didn't have the time to move to his toes before the conversation ended. Miraculously, he was paying enough attention to get the gist of what the gray dwarf was speaking of.

"Wait, that mean Urf have to walk west, or can Urf ride Urf's Itchy Butt west while Itchy Butt does walking?" he asked, obviously a little confused and not wanting to break some law; that would be quite a dash upon his record in the Order for sure. He was then about to ask about why there were so many guards, but it seemed the rest of his party were eager to set out and find the ambushers, so he prodded Itchy Butt to dash ahead with them.

Rissi translated what Illiana had said again, and though he was visibly irritated for being out of the loop again, Urf just nodded. "Maybe they having some big party," he suggested. "Normal dwarves like drinking, so why cave dwarves different?" Then the rest of them started to speak in Undercommon again, and he waited as long as he could to hold back his frustration: that was all of about a minute.

"What part of 'speak in language Urf understand' is hard?!" he yelled, turning backwards in his saddle to face the party, having taken point next to Xarann despite not looking for the trail. [b]"If not speak in Common, speak Goblin! Urf need know what say if Urf gonna help with plan!"

Urf's eyes were narrowed as Mika explained himself, and Itchy Butt seemed poised to spring into action at a moment's notice. Something seemed lost on him, though, when Mika said he was Kayal, also known as a Fetchling. "Which is it?!" Urf asked after that point. "You Mika, Kayal, or Fetchling?! You can't be all three! There only one of you, so you only one of them! Pick one!"

After Mika continued to explain that he was a mage of sorts, Urf gave him a rather...frightening look, especially for a goblin. "You not one that steals souls, right?" he asked in a low, slow tone. "Ask them what Urf do to soul stealers. Urf make example of magic guy with soul stealer in last fight." Itchy Butt even started to hiss and walked forward, putting Urf that much closer to the Fetchling. "Urf keep eye on you," he warned him. "You steal even one soul, and Urf make sure you regret it."

Almost immediately after that threat, Illiana spoke up in undercommon, making Urf feel frustrated again. About to burst out with something after she was done talking, Rissi explained just what she had said. "You mean naked lady do healing?!" he groaned, pointing to his arm. "Why not do that for Urf earlier?! And make her talk in language Urf understand!"

Mika spoke up again after that, and spoke of how he was looking forward to their partnership. "What with everyone wanting ships?!" he groaned again, hopping off Itchy Butt and leading him outside the room. "First king give us ship, now you want ship? How you even afford ship?! Urf gonna make sure Urf's Itchy Butt ready before beating up bad guys. Come get Urf when ready."

With that, Urf waited outside the building, running Itchy Butt through various drills of tricks, going through each one to make sure he hadn't forgotten any in the few hours they had been apart.

Urf, of course, attempted to claim the alchemist as his new underling to bring him with him to his own party, but quickly abandoned the idea when it seemed the duergar would have none of that. Despite that setback, his arm wasn't hurting anymore, and he gained at least a little insight into his task. He wasn't paying attention at all times while the slaves talked, however, so he only got half of each theory.

He was gone for almost the eighth hour by the time he got back, right as the grey dwarves were taking away their original sorceress. He thought little of it, thinking that she had hardly done anything, anyway, and proceeded to ride Itchy Butt to the room he had left his party from. He could hear them talking, but since he didn't speak undercommon, he had no idea what was being discussed. This annoyed him, so he sucked in a breath, preparing himself.

"Urf back!" he announced irritably, and Itchy Butt gave a small hiss in greeting. "Urf find heal guy, but cave dwarves not let Urf take him back with Urf. Urf hear that maybe cave elves behind attacks 'cause they want not pay beast that eats things whole. Sound funny to Urf, but--what that thing?!"

He pointed to the fetchling, and Itchy Butt crouched, ready to leap if it turned out that he was a threat. Urf narrowed his eyes, then asked, "Who you and what you do?! And speak in language Urf understand! How Urf supposed to glory respond if Urf not know what you say?!"

You forget mention best part of being in game! Urf and his Itchy Butt in game, so it glorious game! Who not want be in game with Cockatrice Order's best member?!

Urf can wait, but Urf get bored really quickly. Urf also in middle of city looking for healing guy, and probably need Gummy Mole no-face dude to tell Urf results of rolls.

Urf looked around at the others in the room, and it seemed to him that no one was either able or willing to help him out. "Who put group together that not have heal person?!" he angrily voiced as he stomped around, grumbling. "Urf need arm to stab bad guys! What do if Urf get arm bitten off?!"

Obviously irritated, the goblin grunted, then gave a quick whistle. Within seconds, Itchy Butt lept off the bed and ran to his master's side. "Urf go find heal guy somewhere in city," he proclaimed as he got onto his mount's saddle. "Be back whenever. Don't die while Urf gone!"

Unfortunately, Urf had very little in the way of an idea on where to go for magical restoration, so he had to ask around for directions. It seemed to him that being a goblin mattered about as much down in the Darklands as much as it did on the surface: there seemed to be few that were willing to talk with him.

Gather Information: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5

Hours spent: 1d4 ⇒ 4

During that time of frustration, though, Urf had another idea: he could ask around about what people knew of the ambushes, seeing if he could get a lead. There had to be at least one person that both knew and was willing to talk to him, after all. He hoped it would at least be worth it while still feeling stinging pain in his arm while riding Itchy Butt around the city.

Gather Information: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (18) + 1 = 19

Hours spent: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Urf let out a groan when the quiet game was brought up. "Rat need make up mind," he snarled, shifting around in his bed, obviously restless. "First want talk of plan, then want quiet? Which you want?" With another groan, he added in, "And why people always want play quiet game? Is boring game!"

A few more tosses and turns, a thought finally came to the goblin's mind, brought about when he put pressure on the arm that was bitten by the wolf during the arena fight, a twang of pain shooting up his short appendage. "Anyone got that magic to fix Urf's arm?" he asked, suddenly hopping down from his top bunk. "Stupid cave dwarves not fix Urf up after fight!"

Urf was obviously disgruntled as the party was led away again, constantly trying to pry off that band around his arm as he steered Itchy Butt with his knees. His attempts to free himself didn't distract him from the rest of the city, however, his eyes trying to get a good grasp of what was around the place. It seemed quite a lot like a surface city, with what appeared to be shops, homes, and other such buildings. There was certainly a lot more forges than most other towns, he thought, due to the smoke off in varying directions.

Then his eyes spied that big clock with markings on them. He didn't understand a whole lot of them, but that didn't matter; it was obvious to him what it was for. There could only be one conclusion to draw.

He started to look through his pack after talking to himself, taking some extra time to look at his crowbar as if trying to unravel a mystery. He then looked at his flint and steel, then back up to the stone clock, then grumbled and shook his head. "Urf might need hammer..." he muttered in Common, brow furrowed in contemplation. Looking back up to the clock, he grunted, and added, "Probably big hammer."

After arriving at their destination, Urf looked at the drab room, lips curled in a snarl. "Urf deserve better room than this!" he claimed without any substantiation. "There no glory in room! Make look epic!" His demands most certainly would have fallen on deaf ears, and he knew it, but he just had to keep up appearances.

As Rissi spoke up, though, Urf was already claiming a top bunk, and Itchy Butt was cozying up on the bed underneath. "What need plan for?" Urf asked. "All need do is charge in, beat up bad guys, get ships, then find water to sail out! Dwarves fat, so they don't swim! Is easy!" Laying down on his back, the goblin didn't bother to take off his armor; no telling if the duergar would attempt to take it from him again, which was the same reason he still held onto his lance. "Why wait 'til tomorrow, anyway? We still got all day to find bad guys and get them! Not been long since fight! Just need naps so magic guys get magic back, since they seem need it lots!"

Urf groaned when even Tlugos wanted to wait for the next day to lure in the ambush and fulfill the king's orders. "Why everyone tired?" he grumbled. "Fight didn't even last long! Not like it was long walk to get to castle, either!" With one final noise of disapproval, though, he rolled his eyes and tilted his head back. "Fiiiiine, we take naps before doing glory things."

Shortly after his acceptance of the delay into action, the brands were brought to them, and after hearing what they did, Urf obviously had some reservations about putting them on. "Urf not for owning!" he protested, making Itchy Butt back away a few steps. "Urf proud knight of Cockatrice Order! Urf serve king because Urf best for job, not because king own Urf! King need Urf, so Urf help! Make good impress...improv...improve...immense...make Urf look good if king owe Urf favor."

Despite his state of denial, he saw that his fellow slaves were subjecting themselves to the branding, so he grunted and lowered his guard, gritting his teeth. "You better not make Urf regret this," he growled as he allowed the band to be fitted on his arm. His entire body was tense, his breathing heavy and deliberate as his eyes closed. "If this make Urf get kicked out of Cockatrice Order, Urf coming for you first."

Urf was quick to start sorting through the contents of the crate when it was brought to the group, grunting as he pushed all the other things aside. He first pulled out his lance, the weapon looking like it had seen some battle in the past, for sure. He inspected the pole arm, just to be sure, and nodded when he saw the several nicks in the middle that he had put there purposefully. His armor came next, which he immediately started to don while the others found their major belongings. Once suited up, he gathered up the rest of his things, putting on his belt, holstering his other weapons, then storing his mundane equipment in his pack.

Once everything of his was gathered, he returned to his spot on Itchy Butt's back, giving his lance a few practice thrusts, visibly delighted to have his trusty weapon back. "What need spells for?" Urf responded to the half cave-elf with a snort. "You got sword; use that! Urf not wanna miss action 'cause gray elf and rat want nap! Urf not need spells to make glory examples out of bad guys, so spells not important!"

It was all Urf could do to keep his mouth shut the longer the moment lingered, the goblin noticeably shaking and gritting his teeth. Every passing question from his fellow slaves made him increasingly more paranoid, afraid that one just might be the wrong one and set the king off. At the very least, Itchy Butt was trained enough to keep silent, which probably was the best thing for everyone. When they were told their reward would be citizenship, however, he tilted his head, rather perplexed about it.

His curiosity didn't keep him from quickly exiting when the rest of the party was, however, the little goblin scampering out as fast as he felt was socially acceptable, prodding Itchy Butt to follow him. Once cleared from the doors, being very certain they were closed beforehand, he let out a sigh, then started to ramble about in Goblin, thinking the guards nearby couldn't understand him.

His last sentence, somehow, slipped into Common, which came out as, "There not even water down here for ships!" He then just grumbled incoherently for a while, hopping up on Itchy Butt's saddle, visibly irritated. His mind then remembered the part about the party's loot being returned to them, so he turned to the nearest guard and growled, "You hear king! Give Urf stuff back!"

Urf of course still here! Party needs Urf, 'cause they not have best goblin if Urf not here! All parties need a glory goblin, or else they just not good enough. Just waiting for others to say stuff for Urf, 'cause Urf not want make king mad.

Urf had been just wandering around the rest of the room on Itchy Butt by the time the guard came in to fetch them. The goblin had been grumbling to himself in his native language, and at first didn't even notice the duergar had come in until he was talking about torture. A sudden chill ran down his spine when the mention of beheading came up; he had seen his former troll masters behead a fellow goblin slave for daring to keep extra food on his person, and that image had stuck with Urf ever since. Besides, being beheaded would definitely reduce his standing in the Cockatrice Order, and it would take forever to build his glory back up! Glory leaves through the head, after all. It was certainly enough of a threat to keep Urf in line, at least in front of the cave dwarves.

Urf would refuse to leave Itchy Butt's saddle as they walked through the city. There was definitely a look of shock on the goblin's face to see so many people walking around underground. He said a few things in Goblin, mostly because he suspected the soldiers didn't speak the language, and he didn't want to get himself in trouble for potentially saying anything to make them mad; it seemed that underground-dwellers were touchy.

Then they all got into the citadel, and they were told they'd be seeing the king. A warning was given out, and Urf knew he had to be on his best behavior, and by that, it probably meant he'd have to shut up, since his Common was still rather poor. Besides, it would be bad to get on the worst side of a king; kings hold power, and therefore a lot of glory. If he were to get on the good side of the king, however...that would certainly raise his own glory!

When told to go inside, Urf lowered himself off his goblin dog and told him to heel, keeping a hand on its head to keep it calm. When the king made his comment about having to expect so much, it was very obvious Urf was holding something back, his body shaking and his arm squeezing his opposite bicep. He also did his best to pay attention to the speech that was given afterwards about how caravans were being attacked, but his attention did falter to wander around the rest of the room, trying to see how elaborate the decor was, and possibly getting ideas for how he would decorate his own castle if he lived long enough to get one.

When the speech ended and it appeared that his group would be tasked with solving the mystery of the ambushes, Urf looked to his party, hoping one of them would ask questions for him; there was no way he was going to let his broken Common tarnish any hopes of getting a king on his side.

Urf may not be expert on alignments, but Urf pretty sure that trying to murder someone just for saying words isn't very lawful.

Urf not really satisfied with post, but Urf not want to keep holding up game, so that just have to do.

Urf was hardly paying attention as Tlugos struck him, having just turned around and getting the flats of his claws across his face. A surge of emotions and sensations went through the goblin's mind after that, mostly anger and confusion, and Itchy Butt snarled and poised himself for a charge. Urf hissed something in Goblin, however, and the goblin dog relaxed and quickly plodded to his master's side, laying down on his belly. For the while, the green imp had shown little signs of pain from the strike, aside from the slight recoil on the impact.

The look on Urf's face showed that he was ready to challenge Tlugos, not about to take this slight lying down, but Rissi spoke just fast enough to make him listen. He closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath through his nostrils. "You lucky you needed for escape," Urf hissed. "Urf not give challenge...for now. For now, we work together; you could work with Urf after this over, but that no longer an offer. Urf need respectable underlings for his Cockatrice status, not hotheads that attack just because words spoken. Urf not even know why you think Urf be master if you underling; why Urf try to have slaves when Urf not like being slave? Urf try and be ender of slavery, not maker of slaves. Urf tired of slaves being a thing. You make sound like Urf try and be slave master again, and it be Urf that teaches YOU lesson."

Obviously offended by the insinuation he would attempt to make anyone a slave, Urf let out another irritated breath and hopped on Itchy Butt's saddle, directing his mount to wander around the place. Shortly after he turned his back to Tlugos, his hands went up to his face where he was struck, hissing and yelping things in Goblin while retching in pain.

Urf wait to see if someone intervenes, but if not, then Urf will have to challenge burly guy to keep glorious image intact. It all part of being in Cockatrice Order; taking such a slight will definitely reduce Urf's prestige, which is not what Cockatrice Order do.

...Not that getting captured and made slave already make Urf have less prestige, anyway.

Urf fix it, too. Urf wasn't sure which spot to put all the words in.

Also, just wanting clarification; did burly guy actually hit Urf with claws? If so, that may be bad idea, since Urf will have to defend Urf's glory if that the case, and that will make Urf have to request lance and plenty of room, which be bad for everyone involved.

Urf was preparing another charge towards the wolf that took several chunks of flesh out of his arm before the silence fell, and he realized that the fight was over. The goblin actually looked rather disappointed, slowly lowering his lance while grumbling to himself. His eyes looked over to the Drow he felled, prodding Itchy Butt to inch closer to the corpse. The blood oozing out the lance wound stained the floor of the arena, and it seemed like the green imp was, in a way, contemplating the impact that the death would cause. It was as if a monsoon of emotions were swirling in the goblin's head, like he felt with each life he took, the world around him became just a little darker, no matter the reason behind it.

Then he spat on the body.

The duergar started to clap his approval shortly thereafter, congratulating them on their victory. "Passable?!" Urf shrieked, sounding incredibly insulted. "That definitely a glorious battle! Urf surprised cave dwarf even able to speak after seeing such glory! No one able to be same after seeing Urf and his Itchy Butt charging into action!"

As the other duergar start to deal with the survivors and bodies alike, Urf at first seemed like he was getting ready to charge, but after seeing just how many there were, he begrudgingly lowered his lance and relinquished it to the dark dwarves. "Urf stay with Itchy Butt!" he did demand, however. "Itchy Butt not weapon! Itchy Butt part of Urf!"

When instructed to get dressed in the clothes offered, Urf remained seated in the saddle for a while until he was certain Itchy Butt wouldn't be taken away from him again. When seemingly assured that his companion wouldn't leave his side again, he slowly climbed down, giving his goblin dog a few rubs on the forehead, which the rodent seemed to quite enjoy. It seemed like all the clothes were pretty much the same for his size, so he just picked the closest set and stripped out of the armor quickly, leaving him briefly nude until he got the pants on.

"So big burly underling and cave elf obsessed with flowers know how to fight, kinda," he started to muse out loud as he got dressed, "but what rest of you even do? Rat thing just likes shiny things and getting behind people, naked lady probably part of one of those clubs, and stony lady not even do anything, really! So what do for Urf when escaping?"

Does Melaina know it her turn? No-faced Gem Mulcher never did change the thingie from Urf to her.

Urf could easily tell that things were certainly going in their favor, and that the obvious spellcasters were doing weird things to the others. Urf didn't care, though; all he knew was that Xaraan was taking care of the wolf, and he could finally charge that Drow again. "Urf not forget you!" he yelled as he pointed his lance at him. "Urf save souls!" It seemed the Drow was a little frazzled at that point; nonetheless, he made his charge, despite the wolf still being next to him; Itchy Butt's speed would make it difficult to hit either of them. If possible, Urf made sure to run his lance through that book as well as the Drow, though any part of him would do at that point.

Charge and Power Attack: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (12) + 11 = 23

Power attack, Spirited Charge, Lance, and Challenge damage: 3d6 + 42 ⇒ (4, 4, 6) + 42 = 56

Summary: Urf made his charge after a few rounds of desperately wanting to stab the Drow with the book, despite still being harried by the wolf. He pretty much just ran the Drow through. His AC goes up by 4 thanks to Mobility, making it 23 right now.

Urf was hardly paying attention to what the others were doing, save for when the priestess tripped the Drow after he had muttered something Urf couldn't understand. All that mattered was that the wolf was still biting him, despite having been stabbed twice already. "Your darkness broken, naked lady!" he called out to the priestess, shaking his arm after having been bitten twice. "Make it better next time!"

Frustrated that he couldn't charge the Drow still, the goblin grit his teeth and knew that he would have to just take care of the wolf. The half-orc that commanded it was still up, though, so if he felled the wolf, he was thinking he may charge after its master, especially since he wasn't looking. That would involve another few seconds of fighting that wolf, though. "This why dogs suck!" he hissed as he prepared Itchy Butt for another assault. "Goblin dogs better!"

Itchy Butt's bite: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (8) + 9 = 17

Bite damage: 1d8 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 11

Lance 1: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (17) + 9 = 26

Lance 2: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (13) + 4 = 17

Lance 1 damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3

Lance 2 damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

Summary: Itchy Butt attempted to bite, then moved 5 feet so Urf could full attack while also trying to set up a charge line, putting priority on the Drow, but also in a place he can charge the half-orc, if possible. He also complained that Illiana's darkness is defective and how dogs suck.

Urf never know what spell being cast. Urf just know that spells are bad, and Urf kill people that use spells because they dirty scum that make words from souls!

...No offense.

Urf let out a yelp of pain as that wolf managed to get to him through the shroud of darkness surrounding him, tearing some flesh off his arm. To top it off, the book-wielder just separated himself from the goblin and his mount with a deep pit after simply sidestepping his glorious charge; things were not going as planned. The goblin had to think about the best course of action.

Eventually, he figured that it would be best to take care of the wolf, while at the same time attempting to navigate himself around the pit in order to make another charge at the Drow. Prodding Itchy Butt to bite the wolf, he then had him take a 5 foot step to put the wolf in reach of his lance while heading in a direction that would start the process of getting around that large pit. The wolf would probably be a little tough to hit, though, so Urf decided to aim a little more carefully, rather than put all his strength into some wild stabs.

Itchy Butt's bite: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (1) + 9 = 10

Lance 1: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (12) + 9 = 21

Lance 2: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 = 24

Lance 2 Crit confirm: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (18) + 4 = 22

Lance 1 damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3

Lance 2 (most likely)crit damage: 3d6 + 6 ⇒ (4, 2, 2) + 6 = 14

Summary: Itchy Butt attempted to bite, then took a 5 foot step to put Urf in reach as he full-attacked, making sure to start moving around the pit and start to put himself in a charge line for the Drow

Urf thought Xaraan just readied, not delayed, so he should go before gnome starey thing.

The wolf, on the other hand, does roll to hit.

You forgot to roll that 20% miss chance on Urf thanks to him being concealed in shadow

Urf getting feeling that Urf made pretty bad move. Urf blame the fact dice hate Urf. Probably not going to make it out of this one.

Urf flinched a little when Illiana touched him, having not expected anything to come his way. "What you do to Urf?!" he demanded, before he realized he was being cloaked in shadow. "Oh, this make Urf not seen, right?" he tried to confirm, before he looked across the way at his opponents. At first, he was rather interested in the mutant-arm guy, thinking he would be a challenge, but then he saw the drow clutching a book; that was a bad thing to do in front of a goblin.

"You stealing souls!" Urf yelled at the nervous-looking Drow, no doubt making him jump in his boots. "Urf know what do!" Pointing his lance at him, there was no doubt that the goblin was laying down a challenge for him. A split-second later, Itchy Butt was charging forward, Urf's lance pointed forward, aiming straight at the Drow. No doubt he would be questioning his life choices for about a second before Urf got to him.

Charge with Lance, Power Attack and Challenge: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (7) + 11 = 18

Damage if hit connects (challenge damage from Cockatrice Order +8 since only threatener, and power attack damage + 4, making base: 14, triple due to mounted charge: 3d6 + 42 ⇒ (1, 5, 6) + 42 = 54

Urf have to post tomorrow, but Urf need to know if there people in the way for Urf to charge drow with soul-stealing thing (book).

Urf and Itchy Butt already as buff as needed! Though if Urf do get shadowy thingy and enemies target Itchy Butt, Urf can just do Mounted Combat to make sure Itchy Butt not get hit so hard; Urf really good at Ride checks!

At first, Urf feared that he was lied to and that Itchy Butt wouldn't actually be present in the arena as they were led into the antechamber. About to speak up, though, he heard the familiar hissing noise of his goblin dog, and turned to watch the dwarves bring him in. "ITCHY BUTT!" he yelled as that cage was opened, spreading his arms wide to receive that pounce from his mount. The goblin then proceeded to wrap his arms around the creature's head, nuzzling him and letting him lick his cheek, all the while saying things in Goblin; those that could actually understand him would probably cringe.

The next bit assumes that Itchy Butt has his saddle on; if he doesn't, just replace the notion with it just being bareback, and it's fine.

It took the goblin a good chunk of time to settle down, just in time for the burly tiefling to ask his question. With Urf still holding onto Itchy Butt's head, he made a few gestures, and the goblin dog threw his head back, letting Urf fling himself into the air and land right in the saddle on the goblin dog's back perfectly, holding his lance out in his hand; there were many failed attempts in the past to get that trick just right. "Urf and Itchy Butt most useful!" the goblin confidently proclaimed. "Itchy Butt run fast at bad guys, then Urf make them go splat on lance! Big people don't keep kneecaps when Urf making them pay!"

Then the goblin turned the tables on the tiefling. "What YOU do?" he asked, pointing at him with his lance. "You may be Urf's underling, but Urf not sure just what you do. Cave dwarves seem scared, but Urf not see why. If they not cower from Urf, they no cower from you, unless you know dark secrets...like they sleep naked!"

Urf was so ecstatic to hear that Itchy Butt would indeed be in the arena for him, he even let the rat comment slip by. "Take Urf to Itchy Butt right now!" he demanded, bouncing up and down, having also ignored the comment to zip it. [b]"It been hours since Urf saw Itchy Butt! Itchy Butt better not be hurt, or you be sorry!"

I'll be ready to go after work, which should be about 3 or 4 hours from now.

Upon hearing the old duergar talk about his mount, Urf felt a wave of warm relief wash over his heart. That had to mean that Itchy Butt was still alive and well, it just had to! Muttering to himself in Goblin, it was very obvious he was happy to hear that he most certainly would be reunited with his companion. Then came the topic of taking them to an armory, and about an arena, and Urf knew that he was about to fight. He really hoped that he would get to fight some duergar; those arrogant cave dwarves needed to learn respect due to a member of the Cockatrice Order.

Urf attempted to fight back when being led down yet another corridor, but there wasn't much he could do about it. When reaching the room, he quickly looked around for his own stuff, to which he was disappointed when he didn't see any of it. "Where Urf's stuff?!" he demanded, though he knew he wasn't going to get any of it. "Urf's lance better be in good shape, as well as Urf's belt that make Urf feel strong! And the firemaking metal and stone thing! Urf gotta make fires!"

Despite his outburst, the goblin eventually just grabbed a lance of his size and some hide armor, taking the time to make sure it was fastened properly. He was so used to his own set of armor, it was a little difficult, but he managed to secure it and cover up his most vital areas. He looked around at the other slaves that came with him, and wondered just how they all would fight. It seemed the half-drow obsessed with flowers preferred to swing a blade around, and the big burly drow-looking tiefling that the armed guards, for some strange reason, were afraid of wanted to use a javelin, or at least have one around. It was hard to see what the nude drow lady wanted, though it seemed to Urf that clothes were still not one of them. It would be rather distracting to everyone if she went out nude, which certainly worried him.

Shaking his head again and looking over at the duergar that brought them there, he walked up to them and then said, "Urf almost ready to fight! You bring Itchy Butt to fight, too! Urf don't fight without Itchy Butt!"

Before Urf can make post, is there stuff for small races in weapon thing? Since Urf one of two people that small, and since duergar are mediums, it make sense they may not have small weapons/armors for Urf.

Urf need to know if the weapons being offered are of the same stuff people bought before becoming slaves. Urf's lance has a few notches in it that Urf put on so that Urf can find it easy when Urf forgets where Urf left it.

Also, it made for small things, so Urf can actually use it.

When the duergar first came in to take out some prisoners, Urf was a little busy looking at the nude drow female again. It wasn't until they were starting to cart some people out that he noticed, and he had just a few moments to speak up before they were gone. "Hey, you take Urf to Itchy Butt before Urf make you regret it!" was what he yelled, before adding, "and get elf lady clothes! She naked, and that make Urf uncomfortable and slightly confused about...things!"

Then they left, and Urf started to pace about, definitely agitated. He was grumbling to himself in Goblin, not wanting the others in the pit to understand him.

The goblin seems to be paying less attention as the duergar keep gathering slaves, up until the fourth one where he was addressed. Snapped out of his funk, he got a small spark in his eyes when the duergar approached him. he raised his fists, imitating a martial pose he saw once in an exhibition match in a town he managed to not be run out of. "You no touch Urf!" he yelled, trying to sound intimidating, while bouncing back and forth on his feet. "You just gonna take Urf out of here and take Urf to Itchy Butt and--GAH!" He didn't get too far into his speech before he was grabbed by his neck, struggling to free himself from the grasp of the dwarf in vain.

The goblin was paying little attention when brought forth to the book keeper, constantly looking around for an escape route, as well as the potential place they were keeping Itchy Butt. Once addressed and told to state names and occupations, though, Urf snapped to, always loving to tell anyone who he was.

"Urf is Urf Rotnose!" he proudly proclaimed. "Urf big member of Cockatrice Order, and with Urf's mount Itchy Butt, glory is earned all over Golorian! Urf's name known in many villages as finder of things, ender of banditry, savior of kittens in trees! Dumb cave dwarves should know Urf's name, as all of Golorian should know of Urf and his fearsome Itchy Butt!"

Urf still tired from vacation, so Urf try and post tomorrow if not still sleepy and fuzzy-headed. Have thing Urf wanted to say before being picked up, but probably not important.

The goblin clearly had no idea what the half-drow was talking about, his face scrunching up as he tried to think about what all of that could mean. "This no time to be thinking about flowers!" was just about the only thing he could think of to respond with. "Flowers don't even grow down here, Urf pretty sure! We need just think of way to get out of here! Urf not gonna be slave again!"

Shortly after that, the ratfolk came up and spoke more about this Dawnflower. "What with everyone worried about flowers?!" Urf hissed, shaking his head and walking off, obviously rather irritated. He looked around the rest of the pit, not noticing too many others that looked as capable as he, himself, was. That was until he noticed the big, burly drow-looking tiefling, and his eyes lit up as he rubbed his hands together.

"Now here someone that can help with escape!" Urf said with glee as he looked up to him. One thing was for certain, though; the man was much too tall. There was probably call to fix that later, or so the goblin thought. "You may make for good underling to Urf. You be part of the plan!"

Without waiting for the burly man to speak, he continued to look around for more able-bodied people. He spotted the dark-skinned woman walking around, attempting to converse with the others, but she was much too skinny to be of use for the goblin; there was no way she could do anything important, or so he thought. One more scan, and he saw the nude drow, and he stopped for about a minute. Part of him was disgusted to see the nude form of anything but a goblin, but at the same time, it was sort of alluring. Shaking his head after the minute, he looked away and grunted, continuing his patrol for helpful escapees.

Urf fix things in stat block for no-face Gummy Martyr and introduce self to slaves. Urf gonna be in charge 'cause Urf have most glory! Also gonna save his Itchy Butt!

Urf did make assumption duergars wouldn't let Urf have Itchy Butt in the pits. Also not sure if Urf naked, have armor, or have like slave wrapping things like trolls gave Urf.

Among the new slaves was a rather rambunctious goblin, actively struggling in his bonds until finally thrown into the cellar. He was spouting off quite a few threats in his broken Common, though the deep dwarves obviously paid the little green imp no mind. "Urf gonna make you know why Urf's name feared all over Golorian!" was one of the many things he said before those doors closed. "And you better not do anything to Urf's Itchy Butt, or you be sorry! There won't be anything left after Urf done with you!"

After he realized that there was no way the duergar were going to either listen or hear him, Urf let out a sigh before turning to his fellow slaves. Clearing his throat, he stepped up on some debris or a table, whatever was closest, to make himself taller. "Everyone listen to Urf!" he called out, even if it seemed no one was paying attention. "Urf is Urf Rotnose, big member of Cockatrice Order! That mean Urf got more glory than all here! If people want out of here, then you leave it to Urf and his Itchy Butt!"

It appeared that he had a bit more to say, but he eventually found the half-drow sitting by himself in the corner. This made Urf almost immediately dart for him, giving him some pokes on the side of the head. "Hey!" he yelled in the elf's ear. "You pay attention to Urf! Urf gonna have big plan to get out, save Itchy Butt, then beat up cave dwarf things!"

Urf goblin; Urf supposed to be bad at math! And Urf not small! Everyone else just too big! Urf may have to fix that...

On a serious note, I'll fix it when I get back home. I always forget about size bonuses when doing stats, and probably forgot a few numbers when leveling him up. I get home pretty early in the morning tomorrow, so it'll probably be in the evening when I get to it.

As far as the ride skill goes, goblins get a +4 racial bonus to Ride and Stealth, so that's how it's +17 (6 ranks, 4 Dex, 4 race bonus, 3 class skill).

Yeah, Ginger-Muffin dude with no face wouldn't pick Urf if Urf just instantly get self killed! Not that Urf can be killed. Urf too awesome for that! Plus Cockatrice Order would lose best member If that happen, which be bad news for duergar dudes!

So far the only ones that worry me are Illiana and Urf.

Why would Urf cause worry? Only enemies of Urf should worry! And those that are jealous of Urf's glory. And afraid of Urf's Itchy Butt.

...But if you worry, that mean you afraid of Urf's glorious Itchy Butt!

Urf do feel bad for those who not get in, for they not Urf, which make life harder than already is. But they fear not, for if they find an Itchy Butt like Urf's Itchy Butt, they can start on glorious path like Urf!

Urf report in because big voice from recruiting place said to do so. Of course Urf get in here, and of course Urf first pick, for Urf is best pick!

Of course Urf against grain! Urf is cavern...carpen...carnival...

...Urf eat meat.

Urf not get big deal about dark elves. Urf can see in dark, so Urf can see them! So they not that scary or tough! Urf clearly gonna do better than all of them!