Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday's page

I've decided I'd go with being a vampire this time.

Thankfully it's way better than being a werewolf.

I actually had to find the dragon shout in Volsygge so it all worked out perfectly plus there was this other dungeon with another shout on the other side of the same valley so I did a rampage twofer!

The other one was Hag's End which I've done at least a thousand times by now so I went in on full rampage mode and destroyed the place with Dawnbreaker, a frost atronach, and muscle memory.

Oh man, I hate Krosis! Whoever decided that it would be hilarious to have you fight a dragon priest at the same time as a dragon is an a+@~@*+.

Done with Saarthal, talked to the archmage, and then moved on retrieving the books for grumpy library dude.

For some reason I decided to mostly clear out the dungeon before unlocking Orthorn's cell and then used his assistance for confronting what's her name, in a twist since Orthorn survived she offered to trade the books for Orthorn, and remembering what a suicidal prick he is from previous playthroughs and not really wanting to waste any more time, I took the offer.

Now I need a new friend.

Got the stupid Arcwind glitch. You'd think they'd fix that one of these days.

Anyway, so I had to rampage across Skyrim to find Northwind something or other to cancel out the Arcwind glitch, unfortunately (for the dragon) I remembered where it was wrong and ended up at the wrong dragon lair and then took out the one in the middle of the hot springs just because before I finally made it to Northwind something or other and smote the s&$+ out of that dragon.

On the way I befriended this really cool wizard lady named Illiani or something and so she joined up with me hoping to do some good for once.

Alas, we were fighting these spiders on the way to the wrong dragon lair and I shouted her off a cliff. Whoopsie!

Now I need a new friend.

Also, I've never done it before. Of course I've also barely allied with the empire that one time.

In other news, I'm now a landowner! With a garden and everything.

Also, my last play through I was a wood elf and I gotta say, I miss not getting mauled by cave bears.

It turns out I was getting a book for Urag-Lub-Lub (spelled might be off, but I doubt it).

After I returned his book and gave him my elder scroll I went off and joined the Dawnguard. They gave me a crossbow. I threw it out on the front steps, I f$&*ing hate crossbows.

I think after I'm done dying my way through Hag's End I'm going to go see what all the Dawnguard business is all about.

There was a Dawnbreaker on the floor, there was a Dawnbreaker on the pedestal.

Guess who has two Dawnbreakers.

Emerges from cave, peppered with arrows and a giant jagged ice spear stabbed through the shoulder.

Quests! No one told me their were quests!! And here I've been wandering in the wilderness following the goats like a chump!

On the plus side, I found Azridhal's Ring of Exploding Zombie Bunny Bombs, so that'll be fun.

So, that's why I couldn't find any Deathbrand armor, I'm not high enough level to trigger the quest.

Good to know. It would have been nice to know before I sold the book out of spite, or even before the guy I sold it to was killed by a random dragon attack.

Back to Wikipedia to find out where I can find another copy.

Eye twitches, ever so slightly.

Went on a little expedition with some dude that dug my Thalmor murdering and Skaal rescuing. Ended up finding a dragon priest and something like 25 Draugr Deathlords guarding 6 words of power.

All for nought because the d**!#ead didn't have a mask.

Hey f#&*head! What the hell man, I gotta a collection going on!!

It just isn't rewarding kicking an ash pile.

Got through Fablebarf, found some Thalmor d&$*+eads horning in on some dank stalthrim so I murdered them, and a pack of inbred werebears that have been following me around, as well as a Not Goblin entourage, an attention seeking dragon and a wayward lurker that both wanted in on the melee.

It was a busy morning.

Stupid g*~!+~n f*@$ing Fablebarf!

I went and pillaged a couple of Not Goblin villages, which was needed after the tentacle assisted anal flossing I took from the Cthulhustain bears.

Great, now I'm stuck in a book with the Cthulhustain Bears.

Typical.

Also, those little pricks on boars don't paralyze.

The best part is the bow I purchased only paralyzes for 2 seconds so they fall down, then get back up, just to get hit by another arrow, and with all the people on high ledges and towers in Soltheim it's only a matter of time until someone slooowly falls off.

There isn't nearly enough milk and butter in Skyrim (or no one I've murdered or place's I've pillaged have had any) to fully utilize my kitchen, I'm disappointed.

Someone is going to die.

And let's be honest, that's probably going to end up being me.

In my wanderings (I'm a wanderer now) I found some s*$%hole named Valhume?... Valthume?... Volume?... Some place with a ghost two days from retirement keeping some wizard down and since I was here, why don't I do it! type of situation.

Well, alright, but only because I collect douche bag masks.

Oh, wait, I just did that that yesterday.

Never mind, I'm good!

I use it to slaughter draugr every day.

So, so many draugr.

Or at least, there was.

Also, hiding, shooting a giant in the face with an arrow, shouting at his wooly mammoth, and then running away is a lot more fun than it ought to be.

The evil thing I've been doing this time is I animal allegiance shout at goats as I'm engaging with dragons.

Just hook it to my vein!!

Skyrim!

You haven't lived until you've been plastered across a scenic waterfall by an angry giant while you were fighting a dragon, two frostbite spiders and a f~$!ing saber cat.

Wait! What's the opposite of live? Whatever that is.

The point is, it's a really fun game.

I looted the tomb, vanquished the necromancer, and got the beacon lady's pretty sword.

What did she want now?

Vegetables bathed in sunlight...

Whatever she said, I learned desecrated corpses are an easy source of cash.

Whilst traipsing through the steam beds and one finds a plucky vein of iron one must remember to keep a wary eye out for any dragons.

Lest they breathe frost on your backside whilst you mine.

Random kids keep hinting they need a place to live, and I'm like "listen kids, I have goat heads in every room and someone breaking in when I'm gone and baking s%&+, it's no place for children"

I'm still doing terrible things to video games.

Why I decided every room needed a goat head mounted on the wall is beyond me.

I spent the last two days building up my house.

This time, I'm killing and grabbing everything.

So far in my trophy room I have a saber cat, dragon skull, and big f!*+ing spider with a goat head above the doors.

Also, whoever is breaking in when I'm gone is an excellent baker.

Turns out I found his brews while pillaging Ustengrav.

After he gives me my property, then maybe I'll murder him.

The lazy good for nothing Jarl of NowhereTownButWeHaveAGreatCemetaryVille sent me out for craft brews.

Somehow I don't think my talents (f+#*ing rampaging) are being utilized correctly...

Second lesson learned.

Just because you can cast fury on everyone, doesn't mean you should cast fury on everyone.

I'm a huge fan of zombie bunny bombs.

I'm also working on my illusion spells like fury and fear.

So far I've pissed off a wolf enough he attacked... Me.

And scared a bandit enough he ran away and got all his buddies...

I might need to work on my strategies with those spells...

"You're pretty, I'll give you that, just stay away from my husband!" - Some lady walking by.

First lesson learned!

While shooting chickens with a bow is a hilarious way of experience mining, it turns out the guards get super pissed if you shoot them all.

Or at least more than one.

NobodysHome wrote:

So hang in there, focus on your productive hobbies (Skyrim is NOT a hobby!)

You might be breaking CY heart with this statement...

No, he's right, it's not a hobby.

It's a way of life!!

scrapes self off the side of the very scenic cliff to go die some more.

Or something at least.

There was a giant squatting in my garden, eating all my cabbage and swamp fungal pods. I let him stay for awhile, but then he started hanging out by the front yard stomping about.

So I summoned Flamer the Flame atronach, got my brand new shocking bow out, readied my force shout and get a nice healthy distance from it and plink him in the forehead, and let loose my shout.

Bad idea!

He gets up and blasts Flamer with one ground pulverizing blow and comes after me. So I run, go to the neighbors house, their door is locked, so I run some more (so that's what stamina potions are for!) And happen across Mister Bear. Sorry mister bear, no time today! So now I have a giant and a bear chasing me and I'm running out of potions. But luckily my shout was back and I could summon Flamer again! So I shout, summon and let loose a wild barrage of arrows, took out mister bear almost immediately and with Flamer's ever so momentary delay of the giant I was able to both back up and continue to fire arrows, no panic, just keep firing, and then as he was about to paste me across the mountain range three counties over I shot the killing blow pretty much up his nose.

I honestly thought I was going to die.

Rampageth!!!!

Beware the frisky tentacles. They're everywhere over there.

Crawls out of a hole, confused about the headache, and serious lack of snow.

F+~! you Alduin!!

Where's my bow!

...gren-ade... launcher... never mind on the bow!

I have no idea who Captain Hanpar was, but he's dead now.

Hey John, Paralyze is a spell that's way more fun than it ought to. Especially when coupled with your favorite summoning spell. I only regret not finding out how awesome it was until recently.

The Twilight Sepulcher is going to be more difficult than I anticipated.

Apparently, there's a room filled with some sort of poisonous gas.

Captain Yesterday's eye twitches noticeably as he starts having Dead Money flashbacks.

Looks at the trail of burned and decapitated bandits and Draugr Overlords left in his wake.

Oh, I think strength of arms works just fine.

That'll do Stormy, that'll do!

Since I still feel angry, and don't like feeling this way, I'm going to go play Skyrim for a while and kill a bunch of stuff.

May The dragons and trolls quake at your approach.

And then twitch as you drive your mace through the tops of their skulls.

Yes, a bit dark, but hey, It's a rampage!!!

Don't forget to grab their bones and fat, you'd be surprised what doubles for furniture in Skyrim. :-)

I couldn't sell the Nightingale gear, but I sure as hell could drop it.

Despite having a sneak of 97 subtlety is not my strong suit.

picks The lock of the front gate, paralyzes Vold, and waits with Stormy for him to stand up and die.

I love how all the default answers for thieves guild missions involve bragging about using stealth over strength of arms and that's the opposite of how my character rolls.