Shaalwyd's page

My PCs are turning their pirate ship into a luxury cruise ship, albeit mostly non-magically. They have eight different types of alcohol available, from grog to Chelaxian brandy. Each crew member has a masterwork chain shirt, an underwater crossbow, and a silk hammock of their own. Fishguts is still on board as a five-star chef. They also usually travel with three times the crew required, so any given crew member only needs to be on duty four hours a day. Their most recent addition is a "ship's tail", consisting of five prostitutes from Quent who have signed a three-month contract to travel aboard the ship in return for gaining access to a captive audience with disposable income - crew members still have to pay for the services of these talented individuals. In addition to the single point of plunder paid to the crew every time they stop to sell their accumulated treasure, all the proceeds of every fourth or fifth ship they take are distributed amongst the crew.

They haven't talked about a garden onboard for fresh food, but they have discussed commissioning a custom wondrous item - a chest of gentle repose, that will keep anything stored in it (fruit, vegetables, meat, etc) fresh indefinitely.

hello thorne i am going to do grayt deeds an be a hero i will be the graytest shoanti dworf ther ever was i wil help peepil wen theyr sad an if theyr being bulleed i will hit the bullees in the fays with a hammr i dont no much abowt majik yoo must be relly smart it is good to meet yoo. hello mim andel says he will reriyt my jernil wen he has belmer an norts as wel for conteks i dont no wat conteks is but i didint want to tel him in cays he thinks i am dum wich i am not. yoo do a lot of reeding dont yoo get bord reeding so much it mayks my iys sor.

this is wat happind next we went bak to copy all the stachoos and myoorals an stuff an ther was a bloo goblin who had cayk we folowd him becos i wantid cayk but hee went down a hol so i folod him an ther wer lots of bloo goblins they throo stuf at me an it wasint cayk i got mad an hit wun with my hamr an he went spoot an then a big spidr tryd to eet me i thawt it wantid cayk too becos evrywun liyks cayk an it terns owt i did hav cayk the hol tiym it was in my bakpak but it was mostly crums becos cayks dont go in bakpaks wel i bet thorne nos majik to fix that i shood ask him folding cayk wood be the best thing evir. enyway we fawt lots of bugs an i got in trubbil sum with belmer an nort becos i went down a hol an they coodint fit down the hol becos they ar too big sumtiyms beeing litil is relly yoosful ther wer lots of bugs an i got bit a lot but they wernt werbugs so i dont hav to drink mor tee thank sarenray. we met a king he was a bloo goblin king his naym was zerk the magniffisent hes lost his pet hoo is klikylegs i sayd i wood look for klikylegs if hee wood look for my puppy he promisd hee wood ive nevr had a frend hoo was a king befor maybee hee wil mayk me a duches or sumthing that wood be neet. i am litil like the goblins but nort an belmer ar biggir but wen they didint fit down tunils and stuff we dug noo tunnils becos we ar dworfs i did the dekoraty bits its fun to be a dwarf i liyk it espeshaly the beerd wich is fuzy i liyk that bit on the insiyd wer it is soft on my fays but belmer says that is rong he is a paladin he has lots of rools.

the bloo goblins are reely skard of spydrs becaws the spydrs keep tryin to eet them i think mayby they lay ther egs in the goblins they gloo them to ther bak the goblins not the egs so they cant get away its reely sad. we fownd lots wat had grabd them an ther was a stampeed the goblins wer so skard they wer clyming ovr us to get away but it was okay we kild the spidrs but sum of the goblins got hert in the stampeed or wen we misd the spiders or wen we kild the spidrs sumtiyms they just dy. its reely sad but it hapns becos peepil dont look wer theyr gowing wen they run an they run into wun anuthir an if you fawl down you can get trampld. oh i forgot too say the bloo goblins that throo stuff at me befowr they ran away wen the big spydr caym i dont blaym them now i now how skard they ar of spydrs. im woryd they dint atak me mayby they wer tryn to hit the spidr that was abuv mee an i kild wun i told belmer an nort i kild the spidr an they sayd that was okay but i dint tell them abowt the goblin i dont want them to think im a bad guy cos im not im good i just hit peepil hoo try to hert me or my frends an sumtimes i hit too hard an they diy an enyway its hard to hit a spidr an not wats on its bak but it dusint mayk me evil. ther wus wun we kild we dint hav a choys it wus chasing bilyuns of tiny sentipeeds at us with a big broom i dont blaym him for not wanting them to atak him but we dint want them to atak us eethr an we did not hav a broom i coodint find a colapsibil wun i hav a colapsibil shuvil but yoo cant sweep bugs with a shuvil. i dont mind reely big bugs that i kan hit with a hamr but bilyuns of tiny litl bugs are not the saym they get in yor nowz an iys an undr yor armor an they biyt an biyt an biyt i hayt them the litl wuns ar the werst an theyr werstist wen theyrs bilyuns of them i dont want that. we got bit a lot an i felt week an my leg was a litil bit num but belmer had oyl i dont no wy he had oyl but he pord it evrywer an set evrything on fiyr an i took the broom from the goblin only he woodint giv it to me an i had to hit him first an then i sweept the bugs into the oyl wich is way hardr than i thawt it wood bee the broom burnd up but so did the bugs so thats okay but i want to go shoping for alkemists fiyr an maybee a tanglfoot bag an a broom befor next tiym an mayby a folding shuvil i relly liyk things that fold up smal theyr neet an they fit in bakpaks. only i hit the goblin too hard an he was ded not unconshus im relly sorry abowt that but he woodnt giv me the broom i sayd pleez.

i sayd we shood go hom becaws we got bit a hol lot an nort has a wand wat can fix the biyts but not the poyson but belmer got bit mor than me an he sayd he cood keep going so we keepd going. ther was a ovin fool of bug egs nort cookd them he is a cook but this was not the eeting kiynd of cooking it was the kiling kynd of cooking becos we did not want mor bugs. ther were skellingtons too i think maybee the spydrs eetd them but they wer the intresting kynd of skellingtons that moov not the boring kynd that just ly ther i ment the spydrs eetd the peepl they wer befor they wer skellingtons not that the spyders eetd the skellingtons becaws if they had ther wood not hav been skellingtons ataking us wich they did. and then we fownd klikylegs an we went bak to tel the king becos we didint want to hert him an the king sayd heed nevr seen us befor an told his peepil to atak us wich was a LIY an i bet he nevr evn lookd for my puppy i thawt we wer frends an then he betrayd me an i had to kill him extra it was reely sad an i tryd to tayk cayr of klikylegs becaws its not his folt his ownir was suk but he was up on the seeling an i thawt he was helping me get too him becos he sent down a rowp but then he tryd to eet me an i didint want that so i had to hit him with my hamr and belmer throo his anvil at him an nort shot him with a crossbo until he diyd an then he was ded an i fell of the seeling an that hurt too ther was lots that hurt an i wantd to go howm but belmer sayd no we haf to rest heer an nort heeld me. an now i am sad an tyrd an i mis my puppy an i mis my frend an im not teling sheela i got bitn by anything becos she wil mayk me drink mor tee an i hayt hayt hayt the tee this is not a good day even tho we fownd a heeling spring an i new it was a heeling spring belmer an nort sayd not to drink it but i did an it was a heeling spring i was riyt peepil think im not smart but i am too smart!

thers sum kind of monstr in a cayj i do not want him for a pet we haf to tel sheela abowt it is a rathspon and its reely uglee but its in a cayj so its not danjerus but its hard to sleep becos its making lots of noys i howp it stops soon the end.

so i am weeba im a shoanti an a dworf i was alwais a shoanti but i wasnt a dworf until i joynd the pathfindrs this is the story of how i becaym a dworf an its my pathfindr jurnal becos sheela says pathfindrs are suposd to keep jurnals an i am a pathfindr!

so i went to the pathfinder lodj in magnamar and sheela had a box it was a big box an she sayd it was relly old it had neet roons on it an wen you prest the roons they moovd arownd i dont know how to mayk roons that do that it was relly neet. i playd with the roons for a bit until i brok the box an there were puppys in it! they were relly ugly puppys but i wood not be byootiful if i had been in a box a long time neether an i cawt one an fed him so hees mine now eksept he teleportint i dont know were so he is a lost puppy if you find a relly ugly puppy plees bring him to the pathfinder lodj in magnamar there may be a REWARD. also sheela sayd it was ok that i brok the box becaws she wantd it open ennyway.

sheela runs the lodj so she cant leev but she had a frend she was wurried about hoos naym was natalia von cafskin she asked me an bellmar an nort to find her bellmar an nort are dwarves an i am a dwarf too now they gavd me a kilt but il get to that. we went to the sirkus to find a forchun tellr becaws they can skry on peeple an stuff an we askt him to skry on natalia but belmer was meen to him an he woodnt help us until belmer left an i askt him to tell me my futchur an he saw us looking for natalia and i said wats the last plas we look becos i am very smart an if we fownd her we wood not keep lookin he says the last plays we lookt is a towr undr a brij an so we went to underbrij but noboddy new eny towrs neer thayr. oh i forgot to say belmer sayd it wasnt an akshul towr we was looking for becos natalia was a towr girl they are a sarny gang. i tryd telling peepl i wanted to be a towr girl so the towr girls wood cum an find me but they didnt an peepl kept telling me i shoodnt want that an then belmer an nort got worryd that i was going to be a towr girl becos they ar the BAD GUYS exsept they are girls but i was not going to be a reel towr girl i was going to pretend. i dont remember how belmar an nort fownd the plas natalia had been living it was a yuky plas it smelld reel bad there was a siyn that sayd to leev a gift so i bawt a skarf becaws i thawt the towr girls leevd the siyn but it was a reel ugly man with a runny nose who leevd it i was so mbarasd! he likd the skarf tho an he new natalia he sayd the towr girls are reel bad but they pay the rent an we cood look for her an we did but there was poop everywere i dont meen the bad wurd kind i meen akshul poop like in a soor i gess the towr girls were just pooping evrywere it was gros an i fell in an sum went in my mowth an then there were gobblins an they throo mor poop an i didnt think beeing a pathfindr was going to meen id have to swim in poop an nort mayd me mayk too ekstra trips an i sayd he owd me too but he payd me bak i will get too that.

belmer fiyts with hamers liyk me exsept he yooses lots of difrint sizes an he has an anvil too wich he thros at peeple he is relly strong. yoo shoodnt thro anvils at peeple hoo are standing in poop becaws then yoo will haf to go poopdiving to find it agen that is not fun. nort dusnt liyk to fiyt i think he casts spels an stuff he is a heeler but he woodnt heel me il get to that. hes relly nice tho i liyk him bettr than belmar he cast the prestiv spell wat cleens stuf all on me an mayd ther be watr an i always cary soap so i washt and washt and washt evry tiym i had to go thru the poop mostly it was axidental becos we fell a lot. i will protekt him so he dusnt haf to fiyt im a relly good fiyter exept i loos my tempr an i dint stop when belmer told me too stop an i kilt the poop gobblin i dint no we wernt sposd to. i get relly tiyrd aftr fiyting so i took a nap wiyl belmer an nort lookd around theyr intrestd in lots of things an i mostly just liyk the carvings but they wont let me carv enything we fiynd but i hav carvd most of belmers tool handels wun is a dolfin an wun is a munky an wun is all ovr viyns an flowrs an stuff.

so we fownd natalia and the poop gobblins workt for her she was cakklin mad an sayd she wood rool magnamar an then vareesha an then the wurld wich is BAD GUY tork but it turns owt she was mad becaws she fownd a pees of a star wich was making her mad an wuns she dint hav that no mor she was niser only not very. nort has the star pees now but he isnt mad wich proovs he is not a bad guy he is awsum. we took natalia bak to sheela an sheela was relly glad we fownd her an then sent us looking for her agen becos now that we fownd natalia she cood tell us were the towr was it was undr the brij just liyk my forchun sayd it was wun of the struts that hold the towr up the towr girls live ther. exept we fownd her alreddy so why wer we stil looking that was the bit i dint understand ther wer lots of towr girls an they almost kilt us but nort savd us twiys hes my best frend now but il get to that. sheela sayd ther were lots of things in the towr the pathfinders wantd becos its relly old an historikl an stuff ther were byootiful myoorals an stachoos an stuff i mayd copees but sheela dint liyk them they wernt very good copees becos they wernt wat was in the wood an wantd to cum out. nort mayd beter copees but he dusnt heer the wood peepl dont understand that they think yoo can just tell a pees of wood or stown wat it shood be but it nows wat it wants too be yoo cant mayk it be an old wizzerd if it wants to be a driyd peeking owt from her tree yoo wood end up with a relly slinky wizzerd with a grate big staff bigr than hee is. we fownd relly old coyns that were mayd of elektrum but sheela took thos an we fownd lots of towr girls that wantd to kill us but sheela dint tayk thos even tho i woodnt have minded i dint like them.

enyway we talkd abowt sneeking in as dwarfish washerwimin becos we figird they woodnt liyk nort an belmer on akownt of them being mayl but with dwarfs yoo cant tell enyway but we coodnt figir owt how to explayn belmers anvil so we dint do it. we had to get ther in a rowbowt i dont think i liyk bowts i get dizy wen they go rownd an rownd in sirkles an thers no wer good to sleep. ther wer hundrids of towr girls that is only a litl egsageration they bilt barikayds wich are extra walls mayd owt of furnichur. also sum of them wer ratgirls an wun bit me wich is bad becos it cood mayk me a ratgirl too an i dont want that. ther wer lots of them an they kept running away wen i hit them so they wernt kilt but ther wer so meny we had to keep fiyting wiyl they went an had naps an we dint get naps an i got relly tiyrd an ther was blud evrywer an i was nokt owt i dint fall asleep yor not allowt to do that until the fiyt is over but nort dragd me owt an we mayd a strateegik retreet only i wasnt strateegik becaws i was nokt owt an yoo cant be strateegik an unconshus not even if yor relly smart wich i am. sheela mayd me medisin it was tee it tastd relly relly bad but i had to drink it so i woodnt be a ratgirl i drank three cups it tastd so bad i thawt i was going to diy. yoo haf to drink it until yoo feel relly bad an then wen yoo feel betir yor not going to be a ratgirl enymore its relly good medisin but its relly relly bad tee. the towr girls followd us howm an grabd belmer on the street when he was alown but he showtd an nort an me caym to help he is our frend an yoo dont get to mess with owr frends he dint have his anvil becos he throo it at a towr girl behind a barrikayd in the towr wich mostly mayd it a barrikayd with an anvil in it. enyway he dint hav his anvil so the towr girls was gonna beet him up but they wernt expekting me an nort we hurt them good an then i took a nap on a mans lap i dint get his naym but he was relly nice wuns he stopt tring to kil us but he dint meen it he was hird to do it it was just a job an belmer says evrywun needs to mayk muny its not his folt so i forgivd him. that was wen belmer bawt me a kilt an he an nort givd it to me an sayd i am a dwarf now wich i am. i dint hav my weppins eethr becos i dropt them when i was nokt owt, so we bawt me a new erthbraykr it is silvr wich is supost to hurt the ratgirls even mor an GOOD i dont liyk them they bit me so i will hit them in the fays with a relly big hamr an then they wont do it agen. peepl say i am not very smart but i speek three langwajes an also the langwaj of VILENS an evrywun nows smart peepl speek lots of langwajes so i am to smart so ther i now lots of things an wun of the things i now is that if yoo hit sumwun in the fays with a hamr they dont do things agen.

so we got new wepins an went bak an ther wer mor towr girls ther are always mor towr girls an sum of them triyd to run away out a windo but we needid to run away as well becos i got bit by another ratgirl an belmer an me both got nokt owt i dont want it to sownd liyk i get nokt owt a lot becos i dont but ther wer SO MENY towr girls ther liyk rats exept sum of them relly ar rats so its not so funy becos i had to drink mor medisin an it was relly bad i hayt the medisin i wil kil all the ratgirls. the windo was hidn it was an iloojun the girls wer tryn to eskap belmer sayd they cood but wun droo her wepin an i dint trust her so i hit her with my hamr that wus wen we got nokt owt an nort sayvd us agen i think it was my folt we got nokt owt becos i hit the towr girl but belmer was not mad at me even tho he got nokt owt too maybe that is becos we ar dwarfs togethr. we climd down the rowp an andel rowd the bowt ovr to pik us up wat wood we do withowt him an i promisd to riyt evrything that hapnd to thank him wich is what i hav don heer the end.

exept its not the end becos we went bak after i had the bad medisin an droo pikshurs of all the prity myoorals an stachoos so sheela cood see becaws she cant leev the lodj an we fownd lots of stuf an a sekret room nobody has been in for yeers an yeers but not as meny yeers as sheela kars abowt so we got to keep stuf we fownd ther it looks like wer natalia fownd the star pees so i ges nobody had been ther for yeers an yeers befor that ther was relly big doors that burn wen yoo tuch them with iys an thos neet roons that moov wen yoo pres them i want to lern to mayk thos i stil cant do it. i workt owt how to open them becos i am smart yoo jus moov lettrs arownd until they arr words but not the saym words they wer to start belmer an nort mayd paypr lettrs so i dint burn my fingrs lots ownly a litl. ther was stuf behind the big dors but it wasnt as intresting nun of the carvings moovd ther was a skellington but he dint get up an attack us he was just the regyoolr kind of skellington so i took a nap wiyl they lookt at stuf it was a niyc nap. now its the end.

this is for andel becos i promisd him i wood riyt it an hees my frend it is al troo but i am sory if i forgot enything. the end.