You’ve never been sure why, but you’re more alive than the soulless drones that surround you. You have more emotion, more passion, in your little finger than the average INFRARED has in his entire body. It’s all The Computer’s fault, of course. Back in the old days, people really knew how to live. Now they just drift along from day to day, muffled in a haze of boredom and drugs. But you’re different. Nothing makes you feel alive like a screaming match or a good cry. Sometimes things get too calm and peaceful. When that happens, you may need to shake things up to have something to scream or cry about.
Unsurprisingly, you’ve been designated this team’s happiness officer. By The Computer, this will be the happiest Troubleshooter team ever, even if you have to scream your throat raw and bawl your eyes out to make it happen!
SERVICE FIRM INSTRUCTIONS
Your Stove Rangers supervisor tells you, ‘Due to contamination of the spent bio-organic slurry we use to fertilize our hydroponics bays, we’re reassigning you to covertly investigate the food vats at Fun Foods PLC. Keep your ear to the vents; it could be an unauthorized R&D experiment or some secret society plot. Your team leader is R&D, so dig up some dirt on him and blackmail him for info.’
Later, your new ‘supervisor’ at the food vats tells you, ‘So you think you’re a big shot because you’re a Troubleshooter, vatslime? Well, you’ll get no special treatment here. You’re not on a mission, and that means you’re mine. Scrub that vat!’ You curse under your breath as he turns away. He’s everything you always hated in a supervisor, and listening to him brings back unpleasant memories of your early days as a vat tender for Soylent Enterprises. You can’t shoot him, more’s the pity, but if anyone else dares to look down their nose at you for working in the vats, you’ll gladly take your anger out on them.
SECRET SOCIETY INSTRUCTIONS
Your contact tells you, ‘R&D geneticists have recreated an Old Reckoning plant named ‘coca’. It’s the secret ingredient to the ancient miracle elixir ‘Coca-Cola’. You must find this plant and bring it back to us.’ He warns you a Sierra Club agent named ‘Doctor Bot’ is also looking for the plant. You may need to negotiate, or even kill, to get the plant. Trust no one! May the Force be—er, that is, keep your laser handy!
