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At your convenience, please comment. Thanks so much!

Belt of Borrowed Vigor
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot belt; Price 35,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This rough leather belt subtly leeches energy from its surroundings, using it to invigorate its wearer. As long as there are two or more living creatures within 30', the wearer gains a +2 bonus on all checks that are enhanced by the Endurance feat (core rulebook, p. 122). He also recovers from fatigue after half an hour's rest and exhaustion after one hour’s rest.

Additionally, by mental command the belt can drain even more energy into its wearer as an immediate action. All other living creatures within 30' are subject to a wave of fatigue. The wearer gains +2 to initiative for each creature so affected, and is immune to fatigue and exhaustion for one round per creature so affected (effects that would exhaust the wearer take two rounds off that duration). However, this function is extremely touchy; any time the wearer rolls initiative he must make a Will save (DC 15; treat as a fear effect) or trigger the wave of fatigue. This ability cannot be used more than once per hour, nor more than twice in 24 hours.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, vampiric touch, wave of fatigue; Cost 17,500 gp

-When anyone mentions the word, "gonzo." (Drink twice if they mention Clinton Boomer in the same post.)

And mix in a full can of Mountain Dew besides.

NSpicer wrote:

Tarren Dei wrote:

:: drops a cow patty ::

*SPLORT*

Shovel that, Spicer.

LOL!

You've just given me a new idea for the "Design a Monster" round.

Thank you. :-P

Careful, that idea could end up being crappy.

Yeah, he might be better off MOOOOOOving along.

(Though, Gulga probably has a use or six for a cow patty, no?)

Well...that's done. Now, the waiting.

As a wise set designer once said: "The first thousand drawings are the hardest. They're due on Friday." If you're even slightly tempted to do this, give it a shot! I promise, it doesn't hurt.

Nice to see my luck hasn't changed much since my first character:

S 8
I 9
W 11
D 8
C 11
Ch 8

Cleric it is! (And would be even if I were using the 2E stat order!)

Congrats!

*applauds* Great work, sir!

Sir, you are a gentleman and a scholar. Congrats on the great run.

Happy birthday!

Neil and Trevor.

From Shakespeare to Springsteen, then?

"Born to Run"?

Yes, sir! Interesting how much of that actually made it through intact-ish.

Your turn!

I do like me some Billy Shakes.

Since you got it right first, now it's your turn to post a quote for the rest of us!

Fair enough. I left the proper noun in this one, 'cuz it's just that wonky:

Hint below:

Golem --

Sorry so late -- been a hectic few weeks. Love the finished product; thanks so much!!!!

-S

Maybe?

One thing I questioned after my last read-through: what conditions is Volner waiting for before he puts this plague in motion? It would help explain why his carriers are hanging out reinfecting the poor suckers on the floor if we knew why he wasn't ready -- maybe the high priest is leaving town/going to be killed? He's waiting for a "secret ingredient" from Gulga (Volner, not the high priest)? The infection doesn't spread fast enough yet? Just...something to give us a sense of ongoing work and forward motion, rather than a relative stasis.

I agree with most other points that have been raised -- grammar, not mentioning the sick laughing guys in your read-aloud text, awfully low-key lair for a cleric/lich/handpicked servant of doom.

Actually, this does make a solid sub-lair, or waystation, or staging ground. Where I specifically get hung up is that your description of his chamber -- with its notes on all his evil plots, and a special hiding place for the notes, and custom-xorn-made staircase, and endpoint of his word of recall -- feels like it wants to be his MAIN lair, someplace he's put a LOT of time and effort into making defensible. And as others have said, the rest doesn't feel like the main lair of a CR17 lich.

I hope that's at least somewhat helpful. And I hope to see a lot more stuff with your name on it!

Really, this is good stuff here, but the lack of what happens with the crowd could be a killer.

The crowd is accounted for in tactics (under A2, Creatures paragraph). She will "have the crowd impede [the PCs], or influence the authorities to arrest them." Now, I could do with some hard numbers for the crowd -- even a simple "Commoner or Aristocrat 1," or a sense of how many there are, or which "authorities" are present -- but the basic presence of a crowd is accounted for.

Neil, I'm not quite ready to commit a vote yet -- LOTS of good entries this round -- but you have a VERY good chance of getting one from me. I like the basic thrust of the Playhouse, and how you use the little details to further your adopted villain's characterization. I like the sheer stones it took to do a lair for Sharina. And I'm an actor, so...some professional loyalty here, too. =0

Nice stuff! Break a leg!

If he's interested in commenting on Dalatai, he should feel free!

In 2E, both normal armor and bracers gave a flat AC, rather than any kind of bonus. If you wanted stacking boni, you went for rings of protection +X.

3.X = much better system in that sense. Imagine a lizardman, say, with natural AC 8 (10 is base, lower is better!), wearing chain mail and a ring. Heads exploded, but we didn't know any better. =0

*applause*

Looking forward to seeing these lairs!

I have a horrible time with names -- that was the last thing I came up with in my submission. I had a horrible fear that I'd actually leave one of the <name>s in when I sent it in. =0

What I finally used: Dalatai Shontrick.

Cheap, yes. But at least in round TWO, I didn't get any name complaints! =0

-S

Sorry you didn't make the top 16, but.... since you're out of the contest now, any chance of you getting together with Boomer and whipping up a 'Boomerified' version of Dalatai? :D

Stranger things have happened -- all of them Boomer-related, actually -- but I think I'll clean up the Coinshark solo after this weekend's auditions, and post him for feedback. That way I can see if I'm truly hearing what the posters are saying, or just making changes for the sake of changes.

Of course, he's Paizo's now anyway, so I might not even be allowed to do that...?

Thank you all again!

Congrats to the Top 17! Good luck on those stat blocks!

-Speck

Thank you, all posters, for your reviews, compliments, and reservations. Without writing a small novel here, I will simply say that I agree with almost all posted concerns, and own them as a writer -- in other words, the vision in my head would probably have answered them, but my ACTUAL SUBMISSION on which I was being judged was full of holes, many of which were pointed out by posters.

To oversimplify: in my head I had Don Corleone, or Niska. On paper, I submitted Badger. Interesting, many posters said, but just not villain enough. Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to rectify that.

Thanks again for your feedback, and to Majuba for standing up and saying "I voted Dalatai!"

-Speck

There's also the possibility of the bow being disguised as something else or hidden nearby as she evaluates targets. Or a new magic item, invisible bow. Or she could just stab with the arrows, Legolas-style.

These ideas are presented in the order of my personal preference. =0

2E Floppy-Eared Golem:

Sorry to take so long getting back to you! I really like the piece, especially the articulation in the limbs and the little details around the head and face (do insects have faces, per se?)! It's actually even more gruesome drawn than it was in my head (and that is absolutely meant as a compliment).

The one addition I'd like to see is something nearby to give it a sense of scale: a coin, maybe? The insect I had in mind was a little larger than one of the new American gold dollar coins, if that gives you a sense.

Thanks very much for doing this! May I post it on FB (giving full credit, of course)?

Thanks again,
-Speck

Steven -- thanks for the consideration!

-S

Philip -- does Demono's sell the sherry? Maybe a free bottle with delivery?

Dalatai will let you drink whatever you want...as long as it's from a pint glass, not a "half-pint" glass....

Vote Dalatai, and join the Shontrick Family Business!

Seconded, right down to "reservations? Who cares? HE RECOMMENDED ME!"

Elminster was the 2nd NPC I ever encountered in a game. (Lhaeo was obviously the first.)

Thank you all for your commentary. Pour it on! I'm here to learn!

Glad you liked the shout-out, Casey. =0

Roguerouge --

On the subject of "not big bad,"

Q1: What is a "villain"?

... A villain:
...
* Does not have to be a final boss, but he/she/it must be more than just a simple henchman

That leaves the door open, I think, to an Act Boss submission rather than "The" BBEG. And Jeroim is certainly capable of spawning plots and adventures on his own, before the dragon even becomes aware of the PCs -- he's hardly a simple henchman!

Just my two cents!
Thanks,
-S

I don't see where the dislike is coming from!

The backstory is extensive, yes. But it also gives us an excellent feel for his future tactics and goals (killing his family for money -- not even money UP FRONT, but as an INVESTMENT! Brr!), his personality ("greed of draconic proportions...absence of conscience), further tactics ("arts and philosophies of manipulation, intimidation, and blackmail").... This isn't just backstory for backstory's sake. This is backstory as a primer in running the character and a preview of things to come.

The angle of a monk's discipline being used to further a criminal empire struck me new, and it's well-explained by the philosophy of The Hoard. Even good monks tend to be self-centered in their search for perfection. This guy takes that to new and VERY frightening levels of "only I have value."

My *only* concern is that, from the players' side of the table, all this history will come up too late to really change their experience of the character...but the dwarven, oops, monkish discipline and sharp-edged neatness of his appearance and bearing provide a nice point of differentiation from the stereotypical "whiney/wormy/sneaky evil merchant" AND from the "loud/obnoxious/corpulent evil merchant."

And THEN they try to shove him around and he breaks out the Crystal Claw stance.

Nice work!

I agree with those who feel that the lair description serves to flesh Varrush out, rather than overshadow him. This is why set designers have a job: to reflect a person's personality and goals by that person's environment. What do we know from that description? He keeps slaves. He's wealthy. He pursues a hedonistic sort of pleasure. He's isolated. Probably more that I'm missing from memory.

Now, could all of that have been said without reference to his home? Yeah, probably. But it's his home and his base, so it's a marvelous way to characterize him.

I'm not totally sold on the monk angle, but "near-religious fervor" in pursuit of pleasure justifies it, I think, enough for story-and-mechanics purposes.

Nice work!
-S

Neil, you win this round in my opinion. The only way I could POSSIBLY see this not advancing is if everybody assumes that everyone ELSE will vote for you. Great work!

Thank you all for your reviews and commentary. Vote Dalatai and join the Shontrick "family"....

I thank the Four Big Judges for their feedback. It's been copy/pasted for further digestion (and rest assured, there will be further digestion). I hope the voters will give me an opportunity to show improvement on those points mentioned.

So on that note...votes, comments, and critique appreciated! Vote Shontrick!

Vladislav Rashkovski wrote:

Did anyone else picture his villain with his item? I did, and it didn't seem too awkward. I wonder if I subconsciously made a villain that would make a use of my top 32 entry.

No but I pictured them using someone elses'. ;)

So did I. Look for the cameo!

I really like this spell substitution mechanic. I really like the flavor of the bracelet. So there's a lot to like here.

Nice work!

-S

[redacted]? I'll show YOU [redacted]!

Anyone who wants to draw my villain is welcome to do so -- I guess I'd prefer to wait until voting's over to see them posted (though you can work on them between now and then).

I will not be drawing, since my artwork makes xkcd look like spy-sat imagery. =0

-S

With all this redacting, this board will look like the Watergate transcripts! It amuses me.

What Vladislav said. Of course, I've got auditions to keep me distracted, so I'll be even worse about villain comments than I have been about items. Which will ALSO keep me from commenting on my own villain. Lucky me. =0

I'm afraid it doesn't give you a whole lot to work with, but anyone who'd like to draw a dessicated insect corpse , I would love to have it done!

Thanks in advance!

-Speck

PS -- Hugo, great work on the Boomer/Emmy piece!

Here's the "director's cut" of Blightlady's Bread. (Well, I suppose the one up there is the director's cut, since this version has been reviewed and *smack*)

*ahem* Sorry about that.

Blightlady's Bread
Aura: Strong conjuration; CL 13 (see below)
Slot: Neck Price: 30,000 Weight: -

Description: This dessicated insect corpse, when worn as an amulet, allows the bearer to summon a swarm of locusts twice per day with a command word (DC 17 Knowledge (Nature or Arcana) check to discover). Treat this effect as a summon swarm spell with a CL of 3, except that the swarm is always composed of locusts.

If the insect is swallowed whole (which the bearer may do, if Tiny or larger, as a move action), the swallower may make a Fortitude save (DC 21). A successful save means the character is nauseated for the next 1d3 rounds, and sickened for the next 1d6+13 rounds. On an unsuccessful save, the character dies instantly; 1d3 rounds later, his body explodes into a creeping doom spell. The creature's remains are not sufficient for speak with dead or raise dead, but resurrection and reincarnate are still possible. Once swallowed, Blightlady's bread is destroyed.

Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, creeping doom, summon swarm
Cost: 15,000

*********

SHOWING MY MATH:
Summon swarm by command word, 2/day: 2nd level spell x CL 3 x 1800, x 2/5 = 4320
Creeping doom single-use, use-activated: 7th level spell x CL 13 x 50 = 4,550; x2 for being the higher-cost of 2 different abilities = 9,100
TOTAL: 13,420; ad hoc adjustment to 15,000 because of death poison potential.

**********

Thoughts on this version? I cut the dead vegetation and the save bonus to keep the word count down and expand on some of the points of contention. If nothing else, I think the verbiage is cleaner this time around.

-S

Lucas, you hit the nail on the head with the Lex vs. Mystique comparison (though, Mystique becomes more interesting from the story perspective if you happen to be Rogue...). Iago is another example, straight from the "What is a Villain?," who is no kind of combat encounter (again, unless you happen to be Rodrigo).

I absolutely went character over mechanics this round (too many script analysis classes!), and while I wouldn't necessarily want to stat out one of Boomer's Dew-bender-conceived monstrosities, I'm a bit worried about making my villain's stat block interesting if I'm lucky enough to make round three.

We'll see, I guess....eep.

-S

Joel -- I hear you on price. Unfortunately, that x2 multiplier for multiple different abilities REALLY kicks up the GP requirement -- and I didn't want to get booted based on the math.

I'm working on my "director's cut" now, and still discovering that doubling to be a pain; now that I'm not worried about math-based DQ on this item, I'm going to be freer with the ad hoc adjustments. Take a look in a few minutes, tell me if you like what you see!

Another thank you to everyone who's taken the time to comment on this item, complimentary, constructive, or both! It's a privilege to be in the Top 32 -- especially with some of the awesomeness I'm seeing in Clark's review thread -- and I appreciate the civility of this thread and forum a lot. Thank you all.

-Speck

I like the creepy -- obviously -- and the theme is solid. The execution is lacking, as covered above; others have said it better than I could. (I'm especially interested in the answer to Joel's point, above, regarding finding this in a treasure trove.)

Kudos to you for giving this idea a go -- it was a tremendous, gutsy risk that might not have paid off at all. And, since this coming villain round is all about flavor and ideas, I see things in this entry that make you a STRONG contender for my favorite villain.

Congrats on Top 32! Can't wait to see your villain!

What Steven just said. Congrats on Top 32!

Nifty! Definitely furthers a subset of play (magic traps, and glyphs in particular) that hasn't always gotten a lot of attention.

Other than kicking up the bonus to +4, my only other question: why limit this to "harmful" runes? (As best I can find, they're the only kind in the current spell list, but...) Sure, re-setting the explosive runes is fun...but what about stealing the villain's "escape hatch" teleport rune? Or just ONE rune from a summoning circle?

That's a TINY quibble, though. Great execution of a wonderful idea!

Congrats on Top 32!

-S

Not by itself, but we don't have mechanics to deal with in this round (other than the voting mechanics, of course). So a sense of style will go a long way towards making folks like your villain concept when they don't know exactly what your villain can do...but they know what he/she/it wants to do.