Low-fat Ranch Dretching's page

wtf are these polls I don't even

Low-fat Ranch Dretching wrote:

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

Poppyseed Dretch-ing wrote:

Spicy Nacho Slaad wrote:

slides out of a space warp wearing a shirt saying Gen Con 2012 carrying a bottle of Jaegermeister in one hand and a 4 month old infant in the other

What a vacation. I never "egged" so hard in my entire life.

<Eats baby.>

Ewww! That baby was crawling on the floor for a lot longer than 5 seconds.

I thought I taped it to the ceiling!

It must have fallen.

That was MY baby. Oh well, I forgot to change its diaper.

eggs Low-fat Ranch Dretchling

Sucks to be Low-Fat Ranch Dretchling, I guess. I haven't met him.

Poppyseed Dretch-ing wrote:

Spicy Nacho Slaad wrote:

slides out of a space warp wearing a shirt saying Gen Con 2012 carrying a bottle of Jaegermeister in one hand and a 4 month old infant in the other

What a vacation. I never "egged" so hard in my entire life.

<Eats baby.>

Ewww! That baby was crawling on the floor for a lot longer than 5 seconds.

I thought I taped it to the ceiling!

It must have fallen.

Beccles!

Jeremy Mcgillan wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

sausage

He said sausage uhuhuhuhuhuh [/butthead]

Should I also mention how I took a knife to it?

Eep!

I hereby establish that a)dretchings have genders and b)Low-fat Ranch Dretching is male. Edit: Oh s&~&, she's female! Um, she's empathetic?

Dr. Double Honors, Ph.D. wrote:

Gark the Goblin wrote:

And before anyone jumps down my throat, remember that you can interpret Shakespeare to mean anything you want.

WOW. I would never have been tempted to jump down your throat. Until you typed THAT. Now, you die by throat-jumping. ::Puts on spiked boots::

Edited to deflect blame!

<Cries.>

Low-fat Ranch Dretching wrote:

Mairkurion {tm} wrote:

Callous Jack wrote:

Wasn't that two weeks ago? Where you been?

I'll ask the questions here, thank you Mr. Callous Jack...IF that's your real name. Where were YOU two weeks ago? Reacting poorly to changes made to a game and then blaming someone else for your behavior, I shouldn't doubt!?

<Doubts.>

Nobody cares about YOUR internal epistemic acts.

Should I listen to this ghost? Am I going insane? Am I worthy of love?

<Self-doubts.>

And before anyone jumps down my throat, remember that you can interpret Shakespeare to mean anything you want.

Callous Jack wrote:

Wasn't that two weeks ago? Where you been?

I'll ask the questions here, thank you Mr. Callous Jack...IF that's your real name. Where were YOU two weeks ago? Reacting poorly to changes made to a game and then blaming someone else for your behavior, I shouldn't doubt!?

<Doubts.>

Ranch is the worst dressing.

<Cries.>

Easter Bunny wrote:

*lays an easter egg*

You look like me!

You look like me!

L. G. G., C. o. t. 101st G.A.R. wrote:

Infernal Nuisance wrote:

Horny Sarah Palin Follower wrote:

Hmm... I seem to have wandered away from Sarah's bathroom win- I mean, the political aliases thread.

Hey, anyone seen Sarah?

I don't have anyone to annoy...

Hey! All of you! Clear off! Directs the GARS to attack the interlopers, then shoots with grenade launcher.

Well, I'm already dead, so you can't kill me.

Sahrry, kid. We otta git yer resserected.

The wild magic of the boards has returned me to life! Yay!

Zap!

<Runs back with vegetable tray>

OK. We've got Ranch, High-Fat Italian, All-Fat Vinaigrette...not sure about that one. Someone tried to sell me Dretchings, though. No thanks!

Say, where'd everyone go?

Nah-one evar picks low-fat dressin's!

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

Cobb Slaad wrote:

<Pops up behind Greyish-Greenish Slaad>

HISS!!!!

<Vomits vinegar on GGS and retreats back into its hole>

{finishes healing herself with wand} Well, he hates Greyish-Greenish Poo-Dull, so he can't be all bad. Maybe we should keep him?

Awwww, they way he peeks in and out of his hole is cute. He's like our own spidery-slaadish-John Carpentery version of Ceiling Cat.

<Jumps down from another hole in the ceiling and lands next to Ambrosia Slaad>

HISS!
<Mouth distends to an impossible size as Cobb Slaad moves to engulf Ambrosia Slaad>
*Drool*
<Eight tongues, all of different material, protrude from Cobb Slaad's maw and lick Ambrosia Slaad>
*Yip*
<Launches back up into ceiling hole>

Dang varmint. We should call an exterminator.

He wuz killt by thet fatty Ranch Dretching.

{gates in, shaking, hysterical, eyes wild with terror} I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it!!! What Horror from Beyond have I unleashed?!?! {spies Taco Slaad, runs up, grabs his lapels, and shakes him} We have to do something!!! We are all in grave danger!!!

Oh, gawd!

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

Ranch Dretching wrote:

If you stab her with a celery stick during the date, then she'll know you're tough. At least that works with the lady dretchings.

Don't be so modest... I've seen you dual-wielding celeries and going all John Woo on a gang of Manes.

Although I'm always puzzled where all the doves come from.

Aw shucks! You're making me turn green...

Naw, ah jest thank you've been out in the sun too lawng.

Fruit Slaad wrote:

Potato Slaad wrote:

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

.....although now spicy Urnebes Slaad has been asking around about you (I hear she's into bad boys).

Hey, hey! That sounds pretty cool! Maybe she'd like to go to a picnic with me?

Sounds kinda tame to me... you should ask her if she'd like to go to a slaad bar. It's not exactly helping your "tough guy" image if you ask her to a picnic.

If you stab her with a celery stick during the date, then she'll know you're tough. At least that works with the lady dretchings.

You're sucha fat little freak.

other

Sahrry, but ah couldn't let the insult aginst a slaad stand. Plus, o'course, I saw that openin' a mil' 'way.

I have heartworms more destructive.

Them's fighting words!

Low-fat Ranch Dretching wrote:

Who invited the lards? &*#^!

I'll have you know I'm thinner than you! Now can I blast the duck yet?

Sahrry, ah misspelled. Ah meant lahrds.

Who invited the lards? &*#^!

Unholy b@$%@^&! Omigodomigodomigod... #&*& you! ^&*@ &*^ %# $#~@!

Ah'd lahk a liver. Elven, preferably. And I'll give you the address of a really powerful kobold lich you could kill and use his spellbooks. Or I know where a bunch of slaad are living too, if you'd like that.

Sahrry. Kin yeh take us to this kang?

Who is this kang yer talkin 'bout?

poof!
Whar is that damn duck? Ah, thar he is. 'Ey, duck, wait up!

Pop!
What the hell is this place? I was sure that stupid poodle thing was gonna get us.

runs off, following the duck

The duck will lead us back to the slaadi!

follows at a run

Poppyseed Dretch-ing wrote:

Ranch Dretching wrote:

Poppyseed Dretch-ing wrote:

Ranch Dretching wrote:

Yay! Poodle stabbing is my new favorite game!

Can I join in?

There's plenty of poodles to go around. Oh, hey, here's something Ambrosia called a a +2 Vorpal Salad Fork of Canine Bane. My pitchfork is bigger, so you can have this one.

Knock yourself out!

Oh, thanks! You knock yourself out too, you traitorous dretching.

Sheesh! It's a figure of speech. I learned it from the Jacks.

I think

I think you misunderstood and took it figuratively. Really. Knock yourself out and save us the trouble.

Hey, Mr. Fruit Slaad... whoa... good thang you got goin here. How kin ah help?

sees the poodlekin
Ah'll give you a hand wit' this varmint.
Draws trident with a piece of lettuce on it, then sees it, plucks it off, eats it

stabs the poodlekin in the back

Ranch Dretching wrote:

Sytt, Lesser Yugoloth wrote:

Egg Slaad wrote:

I have found the answer to reigning in the poodles. We can use an army of these hamsters to distract and then subdue the silly beasts in preparation for egg placement.

Those typically docile creatures should be easy to bend to our will ... or some such.

Unfortunately, their master will put a stop to that. You need giant space hamsters to deal with those guys. Fortunately, I am an expert giant space hamster breeder! I charge nothing but a bowl of slaad with some dretching on it.

Well, Cobb's still dead. And...

<Shoves Little Caesar Dretching in front of Sytt>

Here's a Little Caesar Dretching!

Excellent. They'll be here soon. Thank you for shopping at Yugoloth Services (TM). Yugoloth Services(TM)will not be held accountable for any injuries and/or fatalities due to the use of Yugoloth Services products.

Ranch, I'm going to kill you! You gave poor little Caesar to that evil Yugoloth!

Caesar Slaad wrote:

Anyone seen my dretching? I'm feeling a little dry...

I killed him!

Ha ha! No I didn't. That was someone else.

Yew got dat raht.

Low-fat Ranch Dretching wrote:

Whatever. I only date low-fat dretchings.

I can change, honey. See, I'm starting my exercise program right now.

<Runs 20 feet, then starts wheezing.>

I'm sorry, but we just aren't meant to be together. You're fatty, and I'm not. People don't change, Ranch.

Whatever. I only date low-fat dretchings.

Thanks for not killing me, guys!

<Eyes Low-Fat Ranch Dretching>

Hey, sweetheart. You're looking mighty fine.

So, about this limbo contest--when does the pitchfork portion start?

Ew, get away from me, fatty!

Hey y'all, Fruit said you guys were looking for someone like me. Whatya want?