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FOOLS. THERE IS ONLY ONE DEMON WORTHY OF SUCH SPECIAL ATTENTIONS.
AND IT'S ME.
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DEFINE 'BORDERS,' 'SIR,' 'MADAM,' AND 'LICENSE.' I CANNOT FIND THEM DEFINED ON THE PRD, SO THEY MUST BE MEANINGLESS ACCORDING TO THE RULES OF THIS REALM.
DID I KILL ANYONE? I HOPE I DID. I DO NOT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. I THINK I HAD TOO MANY BOTTLES OF SAMAEL ADAMS.
AFTER A CONVERSATION WITH MY LAWYER AND THE EVENT ORGANIZERS, I PROMISE THAT I WILL REFRAIN FROM CONSUMING PEOPLE AT THIS EVENT. ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE, I WILL BE HOSTING AN AFTER-PARTY. JUST STEP THROUGH THE PORTAL TO THE ABYSS IN THE LOBBY.
741. WE SHARE SIMILAR HOBBIES AND INTERESTS. THEY HAVE SOULS, AND SOULS ARE RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS. 742. I THINK I HAVE A CHANCE WITH THE GNOME CHICK.
UH, NO THANKS. I LIKE MY SKIN. IT KEEPS MY BLOOD INSIDE MY BODY, AND I LIKE MY BLOOD.
I CAN COME YOUR WAY ANY TIME, JUST SAY THE WORD. THE WORD IS "SEXY-TIME." YES, THAT'S ONE WORD. IT'S THE MAGIC OF HYPHENS.
I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT THE ABYSS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ON THE SIDE OF FREEDOM AND IS HAPPY TO SUPPORT ANY REBELLION AGAINST LAWFUL AUTHORITY. ON A RELATED NOTE, WE ARE ALSO OFFERING A SPECIAL DEAL ON WISHES, BY THE WAY. THE FIRST CALLER THIS MONTH GETS A WISH GRANTED FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF ONE SOUL. THIRD-PARTY SUBSTITUTIONS ARE ACCEPTABLE, CONSENT OPTIONAL.
YES. YES. THE TEARS OF PATHFINDERS MAKE A FINE WINE. I TAKE GREAT JOY IN WATCHING YOUR AGONY.
YES, I AM QUITE OLD, THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT. REACHING THIS AGE IS NOT PARTICULARLY EASY IN THE ABYSS, YOU KNOW. I ALSO WOULD NOT PLACE TOO MUCH STOCK IN THE CR SYSTEM. I AM TOLD BY MANY OF THE PEOPLE THAT FREQUENT THIS "BOARD" THAT IT IS BROKEN AND MEANINGLESS.
MY POWER COMPREHENSION IS WELL ABOVE THE 9000TH PERCENTILE. I HAVE THE TEST SCORES TO PROVE IT BACK AT MOTHER'S. I WAS CALLING YOU BY WHAT YOUR NAME LITERALLY TRANSLATES TO IN ABYSSAL. OBVIOUSLY DEMON PUNS GO OVER YOUR HEAD. THAT WAS ANOTHER JOKE. YOU SEE, BECAUSE YOU ARE A BIRD, AND SINCE BIRDS FLY, THEY TEND TO BE RATHER HIGH IN THE AIR, MEANING IT WOULD TAKE A GREATER AMOUNT OF EFFORT FOR SOMETHING TO GO OVER YOUR HEAD. LASTLY, DON'T THINK YOU CAN IMPRESS ME WITH YOUR VIRGIN BLOOD DRINKING. YOU PROBABLY ONLY DRINK BRAND VIRGIN BLOOD LIKE FOSTER'S CHILDREN OR SAMAEL ADAMS. APA'S--THAT'S ABYSSAL PALE ALES IF YOU DON'T KNOW--ARE VASTLY SUPERIOR.
YOU KNOW KOTH, I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT OVERGROWN POULTRY TO ROC. I HAVE HALF A MIND TO STUFF YOU IN YOUR OWN OVEN! YOU HAVE REVEALED YOUR OWN IGNORANCE, BIRD-MADE-OF-CHOCOLATE-LIKE-EASTER-BUNNIES. THE ABYSS ITSELF IS OUR OVEN, SO IF YOU ARE STUFFING ME IN IT, THEN YOU ARE SENDING ME HOME, WHICH WOULD BE RATHER DELIGHTFUL, AS I HAVE NOT VISITED MOTHER IN MILENNIA.
BE QUIET HROTHDANE HUMAN. YOU WILL REVEAL SECRETS. AND MAYBE CALL THE ROC AGAIN.
KOTH'VAUL IS MUCH MORE BURLY THAN THOSE PATHINDER FOOLS, ESPECIALLY THAT ANDORAN MAN-WHORE, COULSON. THE ONLY APPROPRIATE CHALLENGES FOR THE LYING HORNS ARE GODS. AND MOTHER, BUT THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.
YOU WOULD PUT YOUR FAITH IN OVERGROWN POULTRY, LAMONTIUS? HOW DISAPPOINTING. EVEN THE SUPPOSED MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF FANS THAT FOLLOW THIS "ROC" CANNOT HOPE TO MATCH THE LYING HORNS HIMSELF. IN FACT, THEY COULD JOIN THEIR FLIGHTY MESSIAH IN THE SKY WHEN I REVERSE GRAVITY UPON THEM. EVEN THEN, THEIR NUMBERS ARE THEIR GREATEST WEAKNESS. YOU SEE, ALL I NEED IS ONE WEAK SOUL. ONE FOOL THAT THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT THE HOUSE.
WHEN HIS WORLD CRUMBLES APART AROUND HIM, I WILL BE THERE TO OFFER HIM SOLACE. HE WILL ASK FOR A WISH TO ESCAPE HIS TORMENT, AND I WILL GRANT IT, HIS DELUDED MORTAL MIND NEVER REALIZING IT WAS MY WISH ALL ALONG. YOU SEE, SMALL CREATURES OF TREMBLING FLESH, REALITY ITSELF IS AT MY COMMAND. WHAT HOPE DO YOU HAVE?
NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS. ALL THOSE TIMES OUR STAT BLOCKS ARE READ BY FILTHY, SNEAKY PATHFINDERS LOOKING TO GET A CHEAP ADVANTAGE. ALL THOSE TIMES A CHARACTER "JUST HAPPENED" TO HAVE BOUGHT AN "OIL OF SCREWING OVER DEMONS NAMED BOB" RIGHT BEFORE AN ADVENTURE WHERE THEY FIGHT BOB, OVERLORD OF ETERNAL SUFFERING AND DEMONITUDE. HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I SHOULD USE THIS POWER WORD SPELL ON YOU AND JUST TAKE THAT BAT. HOW MANY LEVELS OF THREAD PERSON ARE YOU AT? I THINK YOUR STAT BLOCK SAYS ONE OR TWO. UNLESS YOU SOMEHOW GOT OVER 50 HP OUT OF ONE LEVEL, I THINK THAT'S...4D4 ROUNDS OF STUN. ALL THOSE ROUNDS OF FULL-ROUND-ATTACKS.
EVIL OUTSIDER BANE THINGS BELONG TO A MR. BANE. HE IS CURRENTLY WASTING TIME SPARRING WITH A HUMAN/BAT CREATURE ON A DIFFERENT PLANE, AND IS THUS INDISPOSED LUCKILY, I AM AN ACQUAINTANCE OF MR. BANE, SO I CAN GIVE HIM ANY SUCH ITEMS YOU COME ACROSS IF YOU WOULD KINDLY PLACE THEM IN MY POSSESSION.
DID I SAY FIRE RESISTANCE? I MEANT FIRE IMMUNITY. *closes laptop with PRD open and set to edit*
TELEPATHY: AHA. YOU DO NOT REALIZE THAT I HAVE FIRE RESISTANCE. IT SAYS SO IN MY STAT BLOCK, SO I'M NOT MAKING THAT UP.
NOW PEOPLE ARE BRINGING UP CLOWNS??? THAT'S IT. YOUR DEATH IS ASSURED NOW. TRIFLING LAMONTIUS, YOUR ARROGANCE WILL BE YOUR UNDOING. YOU FACE KOTH'VAUL, GLABREZU LORD OF THE ABYSSAL LEGIONS. JUST STAY RIGHT HERE, AND I WILL COLLECT THEM. brbafk @#$% YOU, LAMONTIUS.
YOU LEAVE MOTHER OUT OF THIS. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH, WHAT WITH HER SON BEING IN LOCK-UP FOR 10000 YEARS AND FATHER RUNNING AWAY WITH THAT NINJA SUCCUBUS SLUT. THAT IS TRULY BEYOND THE PALE.
YOUR WORDS ARE AS EMPTY AS YOUR FUTURE. YOU EXIST BECAUSE I ALLOW IT. IF I MUST TEAR YOU APART, LAMONTIUS, I WILL.
HAHAHA... I SEE YOUR SPIRIT IS AS HAUGHTY AS EVER. YOUR RECOLLECTION APPEARS TO BE OFF, THOUGH I DO SEEM REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT BOOTS... AH, YES. IT WAS FROM THE SOUND OF FILTHY PATHFINDERS RUNNING AWAY! HAHAHA... NEXT TIME WE MEET, I SHALL NOT BE SO MAGNANIMOUS.
I DESTROYED IT OVER TEN THOUSAND YEARS AGO. MWAHAHAHAHAHA
IF IT IS INDEED I MAKING AN APPEARANCE IN THIS SCENARIO, PITIFUL MORTAL CORRIDORS WOULD NOT CONTAIN MY MIGHT. FOOLISH PATHFINDERS THAT ATTEMPT TO FACE ME WILL BE...WHAT IS THAT TALDAN WORD? AH, YES. SCREWED.
I SHOULD SHOW UP IN MORE SCENARIOS. |