Hrothnar: Ask a Barbarian!'s page

AM BARBARIAN wrote:

PEE-SHAW. THIS AM WHY BARBARIAN EXIST. EVERY PROBLEM CASTY PRESENTS AM NAIL IF HAMMER AM BIG ENOUGH.

So, what you are saying is that you are capable of 'fixing' wizards?

I am perfectly capable of "fixing" wizards. Inspired by my kinswoman, Amiri, I cary the warhammer of a frost giant. I find that is it a sufficiently large hammer to "fix" any nails/wizards that I come across.They soon find that all the shadow puppets, owlbear dung, and chanted nonsense in the world cannot help them when their skulls are caved in.

Becoming a wizard is for cowards who would prefer to cower behind cover playing with owlbear feces, making silly hand gestures, and chanting nonsense while a battle is raging. They can occasionaly be useful in non-combat situations, but they're often so frail and cowardly that they complain that they need to sleep after the group has killed only a few hundred orcs. They also insist on having someone who CAN be useful in battle hang back to protect them, should any enemies manage to sneak up behind the group. In doing so, they rob a warrior of his potential glory.

Wizards...pah! *spits*

Don't bother trying to make them afraid of you. Just kill the arrogant fools before they have the chance to stop underestimating you.

And the modern player expectation seems to be survive until level 20...

Feh! *spits* I expect to die every time I enter battle! If I die, then all has gone according to plan. And if I survive, then it is a joyous day! If I wanted to survive, I would cower in the back behind a tower shield, chanting nonsense, making shadow puppets, and playing with owlbear feces. But that is not the way of a true warrior! And why would I want to live such a life? If you do not enjoy the visceral feel of cleaving through an orc's skull while surrounded by more of the orcish horde, then you are not alive!

Becoming a wizard is for weaklings who would prefer to cower behind cover playing with owlbear feces, making silly hand gestures, and chanting nonsense while a battle is raging. They can occasionaly be useful in non-combat situations, but they're often so frail and cowardly that they complain that they need to sleep after the group has killed only a few hundred orcs. They also insist on having someone who CAN be useful in battle hang back to protect them, should any enemies manage to sneak up behind the group. In doing so, they rob a warrior of his potential glory.

Wizards...pah! *spits*

Pah! *spits*

And when none of this other stuff works: Axe Handle.

Two words: Axe Handle

Becoming a wizard is for cowards who would prefer to cower behind cover playing with owlbear feces, making silly hand gestures, and chanting nonsense while a battle is raging. They can occasionaly be useful in non-combat situations, but they're often so frail and cowardly that they complain that they need to sleep after the group has killed only a few hundred orcs. They also insist on having someone who CAN be useful in battle hang back to protect them, should any enemies manage to sneak up behind the group. In doing so, they rob a warrior of his potential glory.

Wizards...pah! *spits*

Hmm...wizard and bonded item? I say this, if the wizard wears a ring on every finger of his left hand, don't waste five different attacks sundering five different ring! Use one attack and sunder his damned wrist! Even if you didn't get his bonded object, then he won't be able to make those silly hand gestures anymore.