Thedan

Gnomeland Security Enforcer's page

14 posts. Alias of Klaus van der Kroft.


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<Announcement blasts from a series of thimble-sized megaphones... miniphones?>

STOP FADING INTO VIEW!

FADING INTO VIEW FROM A STATE OF PREVIOUSLY UN-VIEW IS AN AFFRONT TO GNOMELAND SECURITY!

CITIZENS ARE REQUIRED TO BE FULLY VISIBLE AT ALL TIMES!

TRANSPARENCY OF ALL KINDS MAY ALSO BE SUBJECT TO INTERROGATION!

FAITHFUL CITIZENS SHALL REPORT THEIR NEIGHBOURS IF THEY FEEL THEY MIGHT BE HARBOURING GOBLINOID SYMPATHY OR ENGAGING IN ALTERNATING DEGREES OF DIAPHANOUSNESS!


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Nonsense! Goblinoid propaganda at work! If you leave them to their devices, they can MESS WITH YOUR MIND.

Shoo, you pointy-tooth encroachers, shoo!


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I was just doing my daily inspection of another forum segment when I witnessed an unauthorized summoning of a goblinoid, followed by the appearance of ANOTHER goblinoid!

This raises some serious concerns within the Department of Gnomeland Security, for it is clear these malodorous menaces are up to something.

So I ask you, good non-goblin citizens of Paizo, how can we deal with this?

We cannot let this continue! Next things we'll be seeing, what, bugbears tending at cake shops? Gripply masseurs? ABOLETH BALLERINAS?

Madness, I tell you!


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Dissenting citizen I see!

We have a way to deal with the likes of you!

<Proceeds to ineffectively tumble and jump around the place, legs and arms too short for it to appear in any way stylish or dramatic>

Have at you!

<Pokes Simon with a hopelessly non-damaging mini-dagger, more in the line of a dull butter knife>

YEARS of training in Gnome-Fu!

<Attempts an unsuccesful manouver to break his leg. Only pushes the foot back a bit>

MASTER of the hidden art of Gnomebobulation!

<Pretty comfortable slap on the neck that releases some piled up muscle stress, though it was meant as a death choke>

Hah! You'll be dead any moment now....

<Disappears into the shadows, but bumps against the wall. Then tries to slowly crawl his way out the window>


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Dicey the House Goblin wrote:

Alright, I watched the stinking video (when you Summon Comrade Anklebiter, Dicey the House Goblin "just shows up" to see what's going on) and here's what I'll say: I far prefer "Concernocrat" to "Social Justice Warrior" as a pejorative term for those I disagree with. Beyond that, I have no opinion.

Oh wait, I too think that a person has to have done more than play a video game once a week to deserve the classification "Gamer," but that's sample methodology for you.

Who keeps letting these goblins in?

Don't you realise they are a THREAT TO GNOMELAND SECURITY?

I'm watching all of you....


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Nooo! Unsummon, unsummon!


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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
bugleyman wrote:


3. Gradually raise the SS eligibility age.
To what? A quick google search reveals that I wouldn't qualify to receive my full benefits until I turn 67. My parents are 64 and 60 respectively. How much longer do you think they should have to work before they are able to draw benefits?

Goblin Maximum Age: 40 +1d20 years

I'm sorry, Comrade. But it's in the book.


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Dicey the House Goblin wrote:
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

You're next, Dice! After Terquem and all you other pig-dogs!

Huh? What, Comrade Gnomunist? Oh.

Uh, nevermind, Dice, Terquem, everybody, nothing to worry about. You can all go back to yelling at dear Sissyl. Nothing to see here.

It's too late, Doodlebug; I named names.

We ARE watching you, citizen.

No one escapes the sight of the Regime.

<Steps back into the shadows while pointing at his eyes. Then trips on a step and ruins the moment>

By Gnomsky! This I why I keep telling everyone back home we shouldn't be working with goblins!

<Crawls away into hiding>


General Buck Turgidson wrote:
Suuuure, you would say that... typical Commie gnome propaganda.

Consider yourself under permanent surveillance from now on, citizen.

Those silent, smiling, never-blinking "decorative" gnomes showing up every night in your garden? Yes, we know, oh yes we do.

<Walks away while pointing at his eyes>


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A Man In Black wrote:
meatrace wrote:

Pixies are overrated

*ducks*
I respect your right to be so very wrong.

We are watching you, pixie sympathiser.

Brownies, those we go along nicely with.

But pixies... we at Gnomeland Security have them high on our list.

As we now have you.

<Points two fingers at his eyes as he walks away backwards, slowly>


Conspiracy Buff wrote:
Gnomeland Security Enforcer wrote:
We are not stealing your underpants! They get here CARRIED BY THE WIND! Fasten them better and stop sending letters, we won't give them back!
That's what she said!!! You're with HER, aren't you.

No we're not! We're with HIM! If you want HER, check with those blasted svirfneblin!


We are not stealing your underpants! They get here CARRIED BY THE WIND! Fasten them better and stop sending letters, we won't give them back!


Ah, yes, yessss! Our plan to make the goblins wall themselves in by making the humans poke into their territories seems to be comming into fruition!

Soon, it will be time to unveil the next step in the plan to become the ONE AND ONLY TINY RACE!

Mwahahahaha!

<Flies away in his steam-powered gyrocopter>


We're watching you, citiz... oh GOD, look! It whirls, it WHIRLS! I want two, no, THREE, but make it four!

Ehem... as I was saying, you and your topic are both being closely monitored by Gnomeland Sec... four? who said four? I WANT FIVE WHIRLY THINGS, and by five I clearly mean six.

Me. You. Watching <points eyes with fingers>