Let me TELL you a STORY, Tall-Fellow:
The one called Jerbo Bat-Ear was born to a small goblin tribe, in the mountains of cold and boring. With a natural talent for alchemy, he excelled in part due to intellectual patience, gnawing on the puzzles he found long past when others gave up. But with his at archery and listening, he was also an excellent scout, brought on goblin raids from a young age.
In one fight, Jerbo saw an enemy pink-skin use proper magic. What a surprise! What had the goblins been doing all day, busy biting and stealing from each other when they could be learning real knowledge? On his next raid, Jerbo snuck off from the rest of his troop, uninterested in killing or eating enemies when there was a town wizard to rob. And, wondering in the marvels of magic items, Jerbo soon discovered one with the power to disguise his green skin and pointy teeth. Most goblins in his tribe were not very close, and it was not difficult for him to simply leave, and not come back.
What wonders the little goblin had missed, in the petty, filthy caves of his ancestors and their petty, filthy savagery. The world outside goblin lands had such wonderful things! Books! Furniture! Clean water! Soon, with his skill as a quick study, Jerbo graduated from stealing food and clothing from the towns he passed through to disguising himself as an acceptable traveler. Wearing many layers of scarves and hats, and putting a foreign-sounding pronunciation on his name, “Gerbault” gradually traveled toward the coast, learning languages as he went and peddling his trade as “Alchymical Secrets of the Most Mystickal East."
And then the little one found Ustalav, land of big cities full of big universities full of big books. Big lectures, too. It was easy for small fellow to pick locks on windows and sneak into the back of a classroom, learn secrets of alchemy and mathematics. Much more still to learn, of course.
There were pointy-ears here, too, though with small heads and pink skins, and Gerbault learned to speak their language and pass as one of them. In human-centred Ustalav, few looked too closely. And SO MUCH to EAT! The cities of the North are full of abandoned dogs, living in streets, cold and slow and forgotten, so easy to catch, and so tasty.
But Gerbault, with his fanciful “foreign” airs and his lack of understanding of many of the more suspicious local customs, often found himself in fights and brawls. He began to make a name for himself among the sort of university students who fought illicit after-dark duels, disarming rash youngsters and earning a name for himself as a champion swordsman. Now, the eccentric “halfling" duelist, quick to anger and impossible to defeat with a blade, is a bit of a student legend among the right universities. With trouble brewing close to home, he’s decided to chase down what monstrosities he can find and end them with flourish and fire—and he's happy to accept pay from any local authorities for his expertise.
