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I made him for an earlier game that died
Hallo,pretty lime lady in blood soaked coat! Darts be good gobbie! Am knowing how hard it be to act like peoples.Peoples runs away or try squish Darts. Make Darts sad. But Darts fast like greased pig with tail on fire chase by Worgs,so he no worrying.No can catch Darts. Can give advice to make so people's not try smoosh Darts every time he goes to people village? Darts only wants be goody and be person,but am hard...Crested Fe-Dwarf who teach Darts truth of words and soap said be good but Darts forgot to ask her how before Darts left. ...Darts forgot where she lived.Have you sees her?! She brownskin dwarf with eyes like shinies peoples trade for foods and wearings and big dark pinky crest of hair on head like axe! Darts knows! Can Darts come withs Pretty not-orc lady and learnings to be person?
Okay. Tired of waiting. What to do about this...?
Bump?
Snatch 'n runs!!Darts declared. He darted out from his hiding spot and took off further into the streets,staying to the shadows and evading any obvious fight. He came a yellow blur.
Hearing Slicy's comment,Darts hissed back in goblin,Darts not loving Longshankers. Stupid gobbies like these reasons why we's gotta hides and sneaks or get ears sliced off for bounties. Why Longshank come raid and wipe out tribes. Because stupid gobbies like themselves give gobbies like us bad names because they run into Longshank house and burn and kill and rrrrrwarrrrggr!! The yellow goblin dissolved into angry gibberish in a mix of Goblin and Common,yanking at his hair.
Perception Darts ducked out of sight to watch and access the situation and weigh his options. He squatted under a table with steaming food on it. Stealth
Darts frowned fiercely at the thought of the murderous hulk so close to him. And the fact he was a blubbering sad sack. Evil and lonely didn't mix well. If any Humie found out the hairy bugbear had killed the guards,they would automatically be blamed and most likely attempted to be killed. He went through a series of increasingly exaggerated facial contortions of horror,frustration,dismay and finally resignation. Maybe he could turn this situation around somehow.... You want stroll wit gobs like us,you do things differents.First,no more killy humies just coz. They gets mad and send big group to tracks youse down,kill everything,pop ears off,and get shinies for it. Means we gobs can't be walkings arounds--gotsa always be sneakings.The yellow goblin whipped his hair back,looking quite impressive as the black locks gleamed under the firelight in the smoke-choked night. He started to strut around the bugbear,casually twirling his fangfile in his right hand as he spoke.
We be goblin adventurers. Have fun,get treasures,get famous,set things on fires. Much betters than normal,stupid gobbies that don't appreciate special gobbies likes wes. Like youse. First things gobbies like us do is crashing party. Blame everything on other gobbies so they gets killed instead we. Pretend help humies and get rewarded...Loot places while theyse busy. Get cookies and goodies. He turned his head slowly to cast a meaningful glance at others,Right,gobbies? He made a heart shape with his fingers at Slicy while looking at the bugbear sideways.Pretty Slicy here also got some tasty juice she might share with new friend-Hairy. Right,Slicy? He handed the bugbear a Desnan candle firework with a forced grin.Here youse go. Pretty,sparkly,Banger for new friend. Light it on fire and see what happens. Well...Darts goings on shears. Cookies and clothes to gets. Heh-heh...
Darts skidded to a halt,eyes going wide as he recognized that the figure was a bugbear-- one of the largest types of goblinoids there was. And one of the most vile. They fed on fear like others breathed air. They didn't kill for the sake of killing-- they killed simply to sow terror. Judging by the pile of bodies behind him,he had been throughly enjoying himself Darts shuddered. Whatever was happening in Sandpoint was very VERY bad. Goat watch over me... Hiyas. W-what going ons?
Right now she is helping surpress the marauding goblins with repeating crossbow,maulaxe,and acid and acid. They might stumble upon her facing down a goblin dog and goblin commando. She saved the hunting dog and is in the process of protecting a noble hiding behind a rain barrel. Also there is a snivelling coward of a carriage driver who unhitched the only horse and ditched when a group of goblins with fireworks attacked. He thought she died,she survived and killed the group of fireworks carrying goblins and came to Sandpoint. Apparently he hamstrung a couple fleeing a goblin that had cornered him in an alley as bait before he ran and left them to be mutilated and killed. He too might run into Darts and Co.
Loopholes! Is this Rise of the Runelords? Are we slipping into another AP?! As man,got me excited! If it is,guess what? Right now,I have one of the dwarven characters who captured him after he escaped from his baby cage and followed the raiding party that got slaughtered and... more or less adjusted his alignment from NE to N with good inclinations and a penchant for reading,writing,and baths. They let him go and sent him on his way--where he met the mysterious Goat before ending up in Brinestump Marsh. Her name? E-Terah Deepheavy! Dwarven oracle of stone cursed with Tongues. She'd remember the odd little yellow gob she name Darts...and he SURE remembers her. She was determined to make him civilized even if it killed him--literally. She succeeded somewhat. Darts sees her as a parental figure...like a mother you fear if you screw up but crawl back to for support after enduring the beating and scolding of a worried parent. But he still likes her. Almost as much as Goat. He'd approach her with a sheepish grin and cringe. And introduce his new friends and hope she approve.
For some reason the yellow goblin could not fathom he started running pell-mell towards the town of Sandpoint and the rising smoke. He knew instinctively that where there was smoke,there was fire,and where there was fire there was usually other goblins that started it in the first place. Or worse. Yet despite this knowledge,Darts knew he should hide or turn someplace else. But still the yellow goblin ran on. What he knew to be even more trouble...
Uh-ohs.
Darts starts to drool.Cookies like crunchy,gooey,DELICIOUS bread with candy in it! Almost as good as cakes and pies! We go to bread-makers called bakery.We steal or buy. Buy if we want fresh...gots to wear disguises. Look like halflings or gnome. He cast a dissaproving eye back at his...noticeably fragrant and grubby companions.We must bathe. Wash arses and hair. Humies notice things like that. Woof-woofs,too.And we get shoes and cloaked. Hide faces. He picked at his teeth thoughtfully.Which ones of youse talks Humie? Darts cans. He left out the part being able to read and write. Who knows what'd they try to do to him if they knew.
We go Sandpoint. It closest.We get cookies and clothing. We adventurers now so we dress like them. He plucked at his well maintained rags.Then we go to big city!
Darts glanced over at Nuggle,grabbing a skyrocket and several Desnan candles. We trappings tunnel. They follow,they fry.
Darts eyed him in a squint.Adventurin'!
Darts stopped himself and scowled at the new arrival.Stupid gob and stupid axe-face Turkey! Darts almost Burns you to charcoals! Never running out at peoples--gettings youse killed! He tucked the potion away into his vest and stood as tall as his height of 2'8" would allow,crossing his arms. What youse wantings? Whose youse? Darts Torchfist be me.
Darts came pelting out of the rather small exit of the underground tunnel,which was cleverly hidden in a prickly bush that scratched at his clothes and earrings as he squirmed past Hammy and Slicy,the yellow goblin practically bursting out if it in a spray of leaves. He saw a goblin sitting in the middle of the clearing with a mangy ragged black cat gnawing on its tail beside it. It spit out clumpy bits of dirt and squinted bright green eyes set in its dirty,odd-tinted greenish brown face. When he took in the particularly large head and large eyes,he had trouble identifying its gender. Hearing the high,squeaky rasp,he figured it was female. He skidded to a halt,bare feet digging gouges into the dirt and dropped to a wary crouch.His hands hovered near his dogslicer. Darts yellow coz he shine like the sun! Burn eyes out of head!he responded to her comment.Whose youse? You with Licktoad and Rendwattle Fatwad?! Then he whirled about in alarm when the biggest Turkey he had ever seen came charging out of trees,its beak and crest on its head forming a jagged shape like an axe. He reached for the vial of alchemists fire tucked in the single pocket of his vest. Axe-faced Turkey!?
Since I got Goblins of Golarion and Dread Codex:Goblins,anybody want some goodies from it? I can post info from it. Just let me know. Got some cool goblin gear....even drugs and diseases. Like a centipede pot or goblin pot--a pot full of bitey creepy crawlies a goblin hurls at foes. Or goblin subtypes--watef goblins,rock goblins,so on and so forth. What are we gonna call ourselves? I was just thinking ...GOBLINS BE WE
Wait,youse a fe-gob?! Don't worry about inner party strife...Darts is N with good and mischievous mean tendencies . Don't go after no kids. He don't like that.
Wow. Chaotic Evil. Darts gonna be after Polly and his Kitty cat,too!
Darts nearly ran up the side of his willow tree home at Nuggle's screams. His ears shot up. He saw Slicy and Hammy flee back into his tree to the tunnel. He hissed and turned back to Flygob.Deals. We go NOW. He bolted back into his tree and into the tunnel like a weasel.
Darts snatched the potion out of her smelly hand and shoved four two paper candles,a Desnan candle,and a skyrocket into her arms,making her stagger back. There. Switchies fireworks for potion-juice. When he heard her request,he sneered until he resembled an angry lemon with earrings. Halfsies?! No! Youse get third of fireworks! And why you suddenly wantings going with wes, eh? Why should we takings Flygob?! If Flygob wantings coming with wes, she has two be doings three things!
What bout Darts?!
Ha! Zodt. There has the same traits and feats almost. Weird. Another rogue too.
Darts sees whereings this goes. Darts says okies
Go for it.
Showings Darts rings,weapons,and stinkiest. Darts sees what youse got themselves trades. Darts got shinies,too. The yellow sneak turned his nose up at her,arms crossed over his scarred chest,knobby elbows sticking out sharply.
Darts scowled with anger as he realized Korg betrayed them. Then he gagged at her smell. Blech. Darts haves no friends among Licktoad. What stinky lady gots ?
Booga! What's youse wantings,Flygob?
Yeech. Flygob Hagface. Darts go see what's she's wantings. Darts carefully peeled away a strip of bark covering a wide knothole high up on the tree's hollow insides. He clambered up it and squeezed outside,slipping down and around stealthily. Stealth He approached the struggling drifter in an exaggerated crouching tip-toe.
Darts surrounded by bad gobbies! Why beings good so hards?!
Darts scratched at his itchy nose,squinting hard.Blech. Why she no dies yet? Always attract bitey flies. Nasty trash gobby. What she's doings out heres?
Know(Local) Darts made a disgusted face. Yucks! Sticky old hag.
Darts squinted suspiciously at the odd noise,one ear raising to catch it. He clambered up the side of the wall,peering through a knot hole large enough to serve as a peephole. He made motions to be quiet.Something ringings....
Darts tugged his upper lip in exasperation as Slicy's words sank in. He growled in frustration as his scheme decided to burn up into ashes inside his head,set alight by Slicy and her father,with a furious Gutwad Rendwattle pissing on the ashes. Turd!he groaned. Eyeing the oblivious and giddy father-daughter duo,he sighed,Okay,Slicy,what loot dids your bring from ship? Darts left all heads on trail near front gates for youse to gives to Fatwad. Korg was supposed to get fireworks--whatever happens to hims. Buckling his bulging satchel securely around his scrawny waist,he checked to make sure he had the Gorge of Gluttons,his dogslicer,his fangfile,his bolas,and his crossbow with its quiver of bolts. He then took the rusted regular dogslicer he had when he first came to the Licktoads. Sneering,he hurled it at the wall of the hollow tree. The rusted bit of junk bit into the wood,vibrations from its landing causing it to snap apart and crumble into jagged shards. We leave soon. Waitings one more wick for Korg. Then we head back to Vorka's ship--sees if he's dead. Take rest of fireworks if theys still there. Then we sneaks into man-town. We no Licktoads--Darts never was. We...just....GOBLINS WE BE!!
Darts chooses Additional Traits as his bonus feat!! And he chooses Fast Movement And..Hard Head,Big Teeth. He gains a bite attack due to filing his teeth flat,incidentally making them sharp clippers!
Darts turned to Slicy,apprehensive.What Fatwad and stupid Slorb say? Darts knowings Fatwad hate Longshank humies lots. He probably use fireworks on travelers or on man-town. That piss humies off. Then they sends adventurers to kills Licktoads. He played with his new earring,fingering the sharp star....Ooor we sneaks into Sandpoint,have fun,get new stuff and tasties, cause troubles,blame it all on Fatwad so Longshanks go after him. We eithers hide out inside town or move on where Fatwad can't follows,if he not killed yet. The yellow gob sniggered mischievously. Then he turned to Hammy,picking at his nose with a black square nail at a sudden itch.You,Hammy. You knowinger any other gobs in tribe that be troubles? Other 'heroes' besides us ?
Darts tried to keep the shocked look on his face as mild as possible when not only Slicy and her father Whammy squirmed up from an apparent tunnel leading directly to his tree dripping wet and smelling of sea water,but quiet little Nuggle also had been waiting hanging from his ceiling since whenever. He composed himself,scratching his ear as he looked at each gob in turn. Where bes Korg? He dies on ships? Then he started double checking his gear,making sure he had everything he didn't want to leave behind. He scooped up a pair of bolas made from the skulls of two gobs,connected by a length of rawhide and sporting jagged teeth like spikes that were lethal. He tossed them into his satchel. Dipping water out of a hollow root with a cracked clay bowl he kept covered with a rock,he drank deeply before offering any of the other gobs some. What happen with Fatwad? You give him fireworks and heads and shinies we no want? Or he goings to try hurtings us?
Darts had decided to skulk off after he grew too agitated to wait for Slicy and Korg. He sneaked the entire way back to the Licktoad village,leaving the tailless monkey head,dog heads,and even the slightly mashed head of Lotsa Legs Eats Goblin Babies Many near the front gate for the others to find when they returned. He made sure none of the guards saw him as he crept off to his hollowed out willow tree near an overgrown game trail he'd seen boar and swamp deer use. Once comfortably inside his home,reclining in a ratty blanket hung up like a hammock,limbs dangling off the side,the yellow gob snored contentedly. A snot bubble shrank and expanded with each breath. When he heard a sharp rapping noise underneath him,the yellow gob started awake,snot bubble popping. Groggily,his red eyes peered in the darkness of his tree hollow and strained his ears. He heard a muffled,familiar cackle of a certain female gob and a thicker,lower voice followed by another loud knocking. …Slicy??he asked suspiciously. He looked down at his 'floor',really packed dirt with a thick slab of bark covering a bolt hole that connected to the old animal burrow in the ground several feet beneath the willow tree's roots.
Darts scurried off the groaning,tilting ship after pausing to lop the heads from the skewered,burnt bodies of the mangy dogs and made his way down the rumbling gangplank. He stamped on Vorka's mangled corpse several times in glee before it flopped down into the knee-deep mud below from the vibrations caused by the shifting wreck. Almost falling with it,he landed with a somersault and his armful of charred heads. He made his way over to the corpse of the horse to rest. Flies started to gather over the gaunt,malnourished frame. ....Hmmm. Darts better waits. Lotsa Legs deads but worse live in soggy swamp. Then he considered the horse. After removing its split,skeletal head, he stared at it. The skull would make a nice shoulder guard once the meat was gone. He could make horse jerky! Then he looked between its legs. He broke out into a grin. Now he could make a coin purse for his coins! The yellow goblin picked up its severed tail from the muck and attached it to a string of leather,tying it around his hips to dangle before his crotch. Laughing at his new trophy,the yellow gob set about making himself a coin pouch out of the dead horse's scrotum as he waited for his fellow gobs to exit the ship.
Darts promptly dropped the wand in an attempt to keep his footing...
Darts sneered as he realized what was happening. We go now's. Ship sinking in mud. Be gone soon. Perfect excuse. You tell Fatwad Darts sink with it. First Darts helps with heads and treasure. Korg get fireworks. Slicy get rest of treasure. Give lantern and witchy-stick and fan to Licktoads. Darts and Nuggle go get horse and dog heads. We leaving now's. Darts sneaks to his tree house on edge of village. Come sees Darts there. Knocks first. The yellow goblin tossed the wand and fan over to Slicy,grabbed the smoking monkey head,and dashed out the door back the way they came.
Slicy and Korg Licktoadies. You goes backs with rest of fireworks and heads of Vorka,horse,dogs,and...whatever that was. We gives them rest of treasures we don't wants. Prove we heroes. Say Darts fell through hole in ship and dissapear. Slicy go gets pappy and bring if she wantings. He waved the fan dismissively as he poked through the rest of stuff. The lantern was pretty but heavy. He could see in the dark anyways. He tried to pick up the sharp pointy metal stars but ended up nicking his finger. Sucking on his wound,he took a bit of wire and looped it through one of the stars and let it dangle from one of his numerous earrings. It dangled prettily. He tucked four more of the flat bladed caltrops into his satchel. Then he pushed the heart bottle over to Slicy. Here's love-juice. Slicy take. It be funny. Then he picked the odd stick up between his toes and wiggled it. Vorka witchy-stick. Wonder what it do without Vorka? He gave it twirl between his dexterous toes.
Darts leaned against the chest,buffing his black square nails against his vest. You mean your chief,Korg. Gutwad not my chief.Darts his own gobbie--never work for another again. He become...adventurer. Darts smirked at them. Methinks Korg,Nuggle,and Slicy alrights. We do well togethers. You-gobs can come with Darts if yous wants. But Darts not go backs to Rendwattle Fatwad and Licktoadies. Darts leavings soggy swamp. First stops in Sandpoint. He starts picking over the odd colorful manthings Slicy found in Vorka's (and his) bedroom. He spread out the fan,squinting at its drawing of a lizard and petals. He carefully counted out the gold,dividing it evenly into four seperate stacks. He scooped up 35 coins and tucked them away. Hmm. Vorka got new stuff while Darts gone. What you gobs want? We earned it--not Gutwad.
Darts started to rummage through the box,picking a pair of skyrockets,three paper candles and a Desnan candle and stuffing them into his satchel. Mines for all the trouble. Gorge of Gluttons mines now,too. And Climber ring. Darts declared,matter-of-factly. The yellow goblin started picking his teeth distractedly with his fangfile,sticking the Gorge of Gluttons through the strap of his satchel.He fiddled with the enchanted ring adorning his knobby finger. Hesitantly, he ventured,What you-gobs gonna do? Darts not gonna go backs to Licktoadies. He leavings soon.
Darts promptly vaulted over the headless smoldering corpse at the tantalizing red chest,giggling. Fireworks!!
Darts flinched when the vial of alchemist's fire smacked into the beast's hairy cheek and burst with a whoosh of flame that turned it into a two-legged torch that trailed greasy smoke and bellowed like a demon. The flames also washed over him and the others,who yelped but pressed through the heat and fire to attack. He slapped at one singed ear. Next times...Darts stand FAR away and THEN throw!
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