Offenclopf, you find that the strong taste of licorice drives away the sick from yesterday's festivities. You are no longer sickened.
You bicker and talk as you make your way down to the shipwreck. Your final destination looms over you as you see the final obstacle: a muddy yard, surrounded by a soggy wooden pen. You can clamber over the fence with little difficulty, but the mud is thick and at least a foot deep, slowing your progress. (The yard will be difficult terrain.)
To your horror, from around the back of the ship gallops a black mass with red eyes.
It is a horse. You are reminded of stories you grew up on from the tribe's pens, of goblins crushed under its hooves and souls eaten by that terrible maw. So this is how we die, lesser goblins might think. But you are not lesser goblins. Now, heroes of the Licktoad tribe, will you confront this monstrosity? How will your tale end? (I'll roll initiative for you guys below.)
Lotslegs' lair is not far off the trail — you arrive at a deadfall of several old trees. Scattered amid the trees are dozens of bodies, some of which are goblins, but a few which are longshanks. Dogbeard and Offenclopf find quite a trove of shinies among the bodies. In addition to 24 gold coins, there is a rather fancy-looking crossbow with 11 bolts, one pearl, four potions of various colors and shapes, and a wax-paper-sealed package containing six pieces of licorice-flavored taffy!
You could give these potions the old goblin look-see... (You can make Perception checks to identify these potions, or use some other method.)
DC 18 Perception check:
In order, there are two healy-juices of the moderate variety (2d8+3), one potion of bull's strength, and one potion of (owl)bear's endurance.
From on top of the deadfall, you can see a two-masted ship lying mired in the mud in a clearing close by. Its rigging is thick with moss and decorated with lanterns and windchimes made from skulls and bones. Strange writing is faintly visible along the ship's prow, while the soggy, swampy "yard" that surrounds the wreck is encircled by a rickety wooden fence. A thin curl of smoke wafts up from a chimney that protrudes from an unusual box-like structure near the ship's bow.
Drubbus, Offenclopf: The lingering mantle of flame from Offenclopf's blast, followed soonafter by Drubbus' spell, scatters the remnants of the swarm. You are left with a long trail of sizzling spiders (possibly edible) and the massive corpse of Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many — only true goblin heroes could have pulled off what you did. You can take a moment to catch your breath, but your greater mission — to find the shipwreck and the fireworks within — remains.
Reflex:1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6
DC 10 Survival:
You see the telltale signs of Lotslegs' progress through the swamp, broken branches and such, directly south of the track.
Cap'n Dogbeard, Mags the Amazing: Your rapier plunges into Lotslegs' head. With a screech, the spider keels over on its back! Its legs continue to move erratically as purple liquid pools slowly around it. With a final jab from Mags — Lotslegs is dead! Excellent rolls so far, Dogbeard!
Mysterious Sara: Now that you've stumbled out of the spiders' way, you're able to focus better on the threats at hand. You are no longer nauseated.
Offenclopf: Incensed, the swarm of spiders rolls over you and keeps biting. It's so itchy and scratchy! You take 1d6 ⇒ 2 points of damage and are nauseated.
It's been past a day. Ghir will be put on delay until he posts.
Mysterious Sara, Offenclopf: As Sara staggers out of the way with stray spiders clinging to her, Offenclopf lets loose a gout of flame that tears through a large portion of the swarm! The remaining spiders crawl together and over their charred allies to reconstitute into a roiling mass. Sara, I moved you 30 feet away from the swarm.
Drubbus Dogcooker, Mags the Amazing: The spider dodges out of the way of Mags' rapier and a bolt skids off its carapace. Your attacks didn't quite hit the mark.
We are now on the 2nd round of initiative, starting with Dogbeard — you might knock Lotslegs out of combat this turn, so please start us off once more!
Cap'n Dogbeard: Your rapier sinks into one of Lotslegs' eyes and it screeches in pain — it clearly wasn't expecting resistance, let alone aggression. As Lotslegs lunges at you with its mandibles (standard action), the purple ichor from its wound sprays out. You feel its mandibles snap where your head was, but you dodged in time.
Lotslegs is bloodied.
Bite:1d20 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4
Mysterious Sara, Offenclopf: As Dogbeard strides forward, however, the carpet of tiny spiders crawls over you (move action). You feel the pinch of their tiny mandibles over your bodies and in your armour. For Sara, the prickly sensation of the bites is accompanied by a maddening desire to get these nasties off of you — but the tingly sensation in your limbs isn't helping.
Both of you take 1d6 ⇒ 6 points of damage. Sara, you are nauseated and take 1d2 ⇒ 1 point of Strength damage. Your next save against poison will be on the spiders' initiative.
We'll use group initiative. The posting order will be as follows: Cap'n Dogbeard, the spiders, then everybody else. I'm not that concerned about who goes when during your group's initiative, as long as everyone posts at least once each round. Lotslegs is the Medium spider; the spider swarm is represented by the Large spider.
Now with a plan for navigating Brinestump Marsh relatively safely, you joke and talk to pass the time. Only the sounds of the local wildlife interrupt your journey. As you travel around a bend with a few squat trees, Cap'n Dogbeard and Drubbus hear skittering of many, many-legged creatures and the snapping of branches from their left!
You have a few scarse moments to rouse your friends to action. Chief Gutwad's warning comes to mind — this area is home to Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many. If only you had listened! A carpet of spiders crawls forth from the undergrowth, followed a few scant seconds afterwards by a massive, bloated spider the size of a longshank.
The spiders' ambush failed, so we are in regular initiative. This is my first play-by-post combat, so I'm still unsure about how to run this; if you have suggestions or recommendations, I will try to implement them as best as I can. Hopefully, this means our future fights will be much better and more fun! Mysterious Sara, I don't know where your character sheet is.
As you gather around the bonfire with the sounds of an alarmed piglet belching fire in the background (Squealy Nord having been declared an honorary goblin hero after managing to buck every contender and granted the reward), hours of revelry and good eating whirl by. Sooner or later, your exhaustion and sleep overtakes you.
Morning comes with head- and bellyaches for some of you, but you all are prodded awake and told of Chief Gutwad's latest summons. "Time is now for you heroes to get fireworks and bring them to me," his voice booms once you arrive at the Moot House. "Bad luck should be burned off by now. For more good luck, I grant you rest of the fireworks from Scribbleface. Also, map. Why you not take it yesterday? Now go — and don't come back without more fireworks!"
Slorb approaches and passes you a sodden map showing the Licktoad village and a path through Brinestump Marsh to a shipwreck, as well as a package of brightly-colored wooden tubes of various sizes, longshanks writing scratched out from their sides. With the festivities over the past week, you are familiar enough with what each firework does.
The journey indicated on the map is relatively short — a slog not quite a mile-long through the Brinestump Marsh along a creek's southern bank. It is a hassle to navigate, with numerous stretches of deep water that must be skirted and thick tangles of stinging nettles, but the journey should be straightforward and only take you an hour to arrive at your destination.
You have two Desnan candles, four paper candles, and a skyrocket.
Desnan candle: When lit, this foot-long wooden tube launches up to four flaming pyrotechnic "candles."
Paper candle: This finger-sized explosive detonates noisily a few seconds after lighting.
Skyrocket: When lit, this foot-long wooden tube begins to shake and emit a handful of sparks. A few seconds later, it flies in a straight line then explodes in a burst of light and sound.
@Dogbeard, Drubbus, Mags: Squealy Nord is enamored with the lights, but the other goblins are drifting away. This could be a good time to just enjoy the party.
Fortitude:1d20 + 4 ⇒ (13) + 4 = 17
@Ghir, Offenclopf: Both of you finish your slugs at roughly the same time, and the goblins are amazed. Slorb eyes the empty bottle on the floor with suspicion as he hands each of you a fashionable dogslicer — Gorge and Glutton, from Chief Gutwad's personal armory. He reminds both of you that the prizes are on loan until you return.
However, the acrid slime from the bull slugs' bladders might be strong enough to upset even a goblin stomach...
Ghir and Offenclopf, make a DC 20 Fortitude save. Ghir, this is an effect that causes sickness (unlike the act of swallowing the slugs, but that was a cool post so it's fine). Everyone, exams are coming up and things are getting busier; I can commit to one gameplay post a day, but multiple posts will be difficult for the next couple weeks. Thank you for understanding.
Edit: Also, let's try to get Mysterious Sara caught up and involved in the party (in both senses of the word) before we move forward.
Chief's Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful, DC 24 Spellcraft check with detect magic:
This functions as a robe of useful items, except it only has the following four patches: a ladder, a three-legged turtle, a horseshoe, and a bullhorn.
Gorge or Glutton, DC 21 Spellcraft check with detect magic:
@Offenclopf: You've navigated halfway through the Rusty Earbiter without serious injury, but you're stuck in an uncomfortable position. A few goblins begin to lose interest and drift away as bull slug slime dribbles down from your mouth. In order to claim your prize before Ghir, you may have to take some desperate measures. You could charge through the Rusty Earbiter and risk injury but eat the remaining bull slugs at a leisurely pace afterward, or you could try to shove both bull slugs in your mouth and attempt to finish the Rusty Earbiter without losing an ear or a limb.
Damage, ignoring a result of less than 1:2d4 - 4 ⇒ (3, 1) - 4 = 0
You have a second chance. You can take 1d4+2 points of damage from the Rusty Earbiter, then continue eating the other two bull slugs with a DC 10 or 15 Fortitude save — but the Licktoads won't be able to heal you before you leave. Or you can impress the goblins with a DC 20 Fortitude save to eat both slugs at the same time — but if you fail, you lose the dare.
@Mags: You hop on Squealy Nord's back, and the pig panics. Within seconds, you find yourself upside-down in the mud. You've avoided any serious physical injury, but the goblins around Squealy Nord's pen mock you furiously. "Stupid Mags! Slow Mags! Take off your hat, stick with your rags!" Squealy Nord approaches you cautiously and nuzzles you.
Before you try again, let's wait a few hours and see if Mysterious Sara wants to dance with Squealy Nord as well.
@Drubbus: For thirty tense seconds, you wriggle your way through the Rusty Earbiter. You see 5d3 ⇒ (2, 1, 3, 1, 1) = 8 severed goblin bits in various stages of decay from previous 'contestants.' You manage to escape unscathed just as the first goblins begin to lose interest. Amidst the cheering and revelry, Slorb hands you Chief's Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful as a reward. The robe has four cloth patches that resemble a ladder, a three-legged turtle, a horseshoe, and a bullhorn.
Damage, ignoring a result of less than 1:2d4 - 4 ⇒ (1, 2) - 4 = -1
@Ghir, Offenclopf: The bull slugs are massive, writhing creatures the size of goblin heads. It tastes vaguely of rotten fish and bursts with a squeal — at which point the contents of its acrid slime bladder floods down your throat. Looking down at the basket, you see four more wriggling shapes. This is nothing like the sluggers with crunchy toppying that you ate before!
"No goblin ever eat bull slugs real quick in Rusty Earbiter before!" the goblins exclaim, handing another bag of slugs to Offenclopf. "If do this, Offenclopf true hero!"
Each bull slug requires a DC 15 Fortitude save, or a DC 10 if you don't bother to spit out the slug's slime bladder. Please stop when you have five successes or five failures. Ghir, you already have one success. Offenclopf, you'll also need to make DC 15 Escape Artist checks. Please stop when you have a total of two failed Fortitude saves or Escape Artist checks.
@Mags, Dogbeard: "Sorry, Captain! We take yous to Squealy Nord real quick!" With the goblins' direction, Dogbeard carries Mags into a muddy pit in the middle of the village. There you find Squealy Nord, and he appears every bit the fearsome, goblin-eating boar that the other goblins say he is. The crowd waits expectantly at the gates to his pen.
Make DC 15 Ride checks. You cannot take 10. Please stop when you have three successes, or one failure. On a failure, make a DC 10 Reflex save as you are thrown!
@Sara: "Stupid Rotluga! Party for Licktoad heroes! They have special mission from great Chief Gutwad!" taunts a nearby goblin. "If want to be hero, challenge them!"
You should check the discussion thread as well, Mysterious Sara.
@Drubbus: The Rusty Earbiter is a hollow coil of rusty wires, barrel hoops, bent swords, and thorny branches and vines kept behind the Moot House. A half-dozen goblins cheer and drag it out, with the typical number of slashed fingers and stabbed legs such a task brings. In order to defeat it, you must climb into one end of the Rusty Earbiter and wriggle through it to come out on the other side. You see 1d3 ⇒ 1 severed goblin ear decorating the entrance, and many more bits within.
Please make DC 15 Escape Artist checks. You cannot take 10. Please stop when you have three successes or three failures.
@Cap'n Dogbeard:Sense Motive:1d20 - 1 ⇒ (10) - 1 = 9"Stupid Dogbeard! No more cows in Licktoad village, we ates the last cow days ago!"
Nevertheless, the goblins decide to give you a fair chance at your dare. With their planks at the ready, 1d10 ⇒ 4 goblins get dangerously close to the building you are hiding on top of, but they quickly lose interest and give up trying to find you, however. Several minutes later, you find yourself in front of goblins who apologize profusely for ever doubting a hero. Slorb hands you a Ring that Lets You Climb Real Good on behalf of Chief Gutwad. "Return it after mission," he says. "Or Chief make heads roll! Starting with yours."
Thanks to Offenclopf, the goblins get to skip all the hard work to get to the best part of a bonfire — burning stuff. The party begins a few hours before it should, as four goblins stagger out of the Moot House, carrying each leg of the Teeter Chair that Chief Gutwad is sitting on. With fire and food, the party has started!
@Mags the Amazing: You find that goblins are surprisingly good listeners when it comes to stuff the chief has to say. Rumors quickly spread that you (and your companions) are going to perform some special task for Chief Gutwad. During the festival, one of your new admirers butts in and says, "If Mags so special, I dares Mags to dance with Squealy Nord! Then she be real amazingful champion of Licktoads! But for Chief." The crowd oohs and aahs at the suggestion.
@Ghir: Not to be outdone, another nearbly goblin (thoroughly cowed after you hissed at him) chimes up. "No! Ghir can eat wood, he can eat anything! Ghir more amazing champion than Mags!" He looks around for a contest worthy of a champion, then fetches a writhing bag in a wicker basket. "I dares Ghir to eat this bag of bull slugs real quick!"
@Drubbus: "Drubbus am Licktoad but for red! He be real Licktoads champion, since I dares him to beat the Rusty Earbiter!" Though the cider apples are potent and you downed a lot of them, you only feel slightly tipsy and full of goblin bravado. You feel like you could take on the Rusty Earbiter easily. The cheering goblins around you seem to agree.
Fortitude:1d20 + 2 ⇒ (14) + 2 = 16
@Dogbeard: Your sharp wit is no match for the Licktoad goblins, but they've returned with pieces of wood and a foul mood. "Dogbeard real smart but for funny speak, he outsmart me," one of them grins maliciously. Some of the others tap their wooden clubs impatiently. "He real champion if he outsmart plank. Am dares Dogbeard to hide or get planked!"
Chief Gutwad may have recognized you as heroes, but you didn't get anything out of him except for a job to do. It's common knowledge that bonfire dares are important to the Licktoad tribe: important enough that the chief will richly reward those who succeed. As for why the chief doesn't simply give you such valuable tools to finish a mission he set you on, well... that's just not how things are done in the Licktoad tribe. You could refuse, of course.
Offenclopf and Mysterious Sara, you can jump in and challenge your companions at any dare you'd like.
Slorb attempts to express his disapproval at the newest arrival, but Chief Gutwad interjects in a deep, booming voice!
"You all be heroes," the chief says, looking down at each of you. "You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission." The chief glances at Slorb, who catches himself and scurries towards you with a dirty map in his hands.
"You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where he found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!" The map shows little more than the Licktoad village, an old shipwreck, and the creek that runs between the two locations.
"I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!"
Having dispensed his wisdom, Chief Gutwad narrows his eyes. "Now get out of my Moot House!" It's midday, and already goblins are scrambling to build a bonfire out of the remnants of Scribbleface's hut. As the day continues, some goblins roll out a cask of fermented cider apples, and quickly get drunk. What fun they must be having! And the party hasn't even started!
DC 10 Knowledge (local):
You know the following tidbits of information.
Brinestump Marsh: The marsh has lots of places to hide and lots of delicious things to eat, but some things are kind of poisonous. One of the best things about the marsh is that longshanks don't normally come into it because they're afraid of monsters. Which are a concern, but if you know about them before they find you, running is always an option. You know that Brinestmp Marsh is home to giant animals and wild dogs. The particular stretch you'll be traveling through, however, is also the home of Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, and Vorka.
Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many: As of late, this giant spider has become notorious among the Licktoads. You'll be traveling straight through its territory.
Vorka: Old Vorka was a ravenous cannibal who was once the wife of a Licktoad chieftain. She murdered and ate that chieftain, as well as several other goblins, before she was driven out of town. Since then, she's lived alone somewhere along the coast to the west of the Licktoad village, and you're sure that she has eaten most goblins who go missing in that part of the swamp.
Squealy Nord: Squealy Nord is a fearsome boar who lives in a muddy pit in the center of Licktoad village.
As the smoke clears from Offenclopf's nostrils, the doors to the chief's chamber swings open. Out waddles a pompous, overdressed goblin. His beady red eyes drift from you lot to a matted dog pelt on fire. "No!" he shouts in a high-pitched, nasal voice. "His Most Fearsomefulness am kill goblins who burn his stuff!" After a brief moment of panic, during which the pelt is thrown into the mud outside, Slorb finally catches his breath and addresses each of you in turn.
"You stop speak funny," he says to Dogbeard. "But only one goblin drown last month. Slorb hate Mogurt too. Keep up good work."
"Fire good, but you no set Chief's stuff on fire!" Slorb admonishes Offenclopf. "Remember who am chief."
"You stop being red," he turns to Drubbus. "...wait. No. Just behave good."
"And you!" Finally, Slorb addresses Mags the Amazing. "You no stick chief or Slorb with funny sword, or chief stick you back! His horsechopper not as funny."
"Chief am see you now," Slorb says in his comical, screeching voice. Beyond the already open doors sits the great Chief Gutwad, ever unimpressed by the antics in his Moot House, on top of the Teeter Chair. Truly, his corpulence knows no bounds. Slorb spits, then gestures each of you to a spot on the dirt floor in front of the Teeter Chair. "You sit here, here, here..."
It is your first time receiving such an honor. Before you sits the goblin that every Licktoad aspires to be (or beat). How do you introduce and conduct yourselves?
You stand before the doors of the Moot House, a museum of Licktoad heroics — inside lie trophies like stolen weapons, shiny treasures, and the pickled bodies of dozens of animals (mostly dogs). This is a treasure trove of everything a goblin could want, yet no goblin dares take anything.
This is because his Mighty Girthness, Chief Rendwattle Gutwad also dwells within these doors. He is the best leader the Licktoad tribe has seen since the last, weak ruler was killed (by Chief Gutwad). You know that the words that come out of his mouth are so mighty that they frighten away all the words in the heads of lesser goblins such as yourselves. If you only were as awesome as Chief Gutwad one day! Only chief advisor Slorb can handle the chief's words without fainting.
However, Slorb is late! As boredom sets in, you notice that you're not the only goblin loitering around the Moot House this morning.
Feel free to introduce yourselves. You have all either grown up here or lived here for a long time, so you should already know and have some preconceived opinions about each other.
