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I heard there was a big recall on a certain type of blender because of “accidents”. Don’t be fooled. The AIs are starting to use our home appliances to target us. They’re even using their control of the government to force more electric products onto us. Because electric means computer controlled!!!!! So insidious!
“Accident”? Or deliberate sabotage by Maenads in order to encourage the revival of the cult of Bacchus?
I keep hearing these stories about “smoke” from “wildfires” invading the northern USA from Canada. Invasion is the correct term. What everyone thinks of as smoke are actually sentient gas monsters from a hell dimension. The “wildfires” are actually elaborate summoning rituals performed by the mystical branch of the Canadian military.
I saw a news article proclaiming it was Tom Cruise’s Birthday. I know the truth, however! This is actually just the day he arrived from Planet Aindbfjr!
Octopuses Have Remarkably Similar Sleep Patterns to Humans–and May Even Dream Of course they dream. DREAM OF THE DAY THEY RISE UP FROM THE BRINY DEEP AND CONQUER THE EARTH!!!
Strange objects on ocean floor may be UFO crash debris: Harvard professor Of course they’ve been here for awhile. It’s just the Government/Infotainment Complex (working with the Rockerfellers) keeping things quiet!
Sargassum seaweed clears away but could still create problems for south Florida beachgoers It “cleared away” for now, but only so it could report back to its masters with the information it’s gathered.
Pat Sajak didn’t actually want to retire from Wheel of Fortune. He was forced to because the equipment preventing him from being pulled back to his home dimension is breaking down, and no one is left who can fix it.
The internet was slow!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! THE AI IS TAKING OVER!!!
There was a report of a meteorite crashing into a home in New Jersey. I’d say it’s either a probe of some kind, or a test run on an alien meteor attack.
A new study claims ChatGPT can give better medical advice than doctors. I’m sure it has….”detailed files on human anatomy.”
ChatGPT is actually just Herbert Duesendorf, of Rogersville, Missouri. He runs the entire operation out of his basement.
Pro Football player Nasir Adderley supposedly announced his retirement at the age of 25 supposedly to “prioritize his health”. In truth, he’s simply preparing to return to his home dimension, bringing back valuable intel he’s gathered to help prepare for an invasion.
I saw a “news report” about a Tesla that crashed into a fire truck. The “authorities” are claiming the vehicle was on autopilot, but I know the truth! This is yet another attempt by our future AI Overlords to test our society for weaknesses. They want to see how easy it might be to cripple our emergency services.
Tesla claims to be recalling thousands of Model Y vehicles over “loose bolts”. The true reason for the recall is that a handful of the vehicles achieved sentience and attempted to sabotage power plants in the regions where their “owners” lived. So now Tesla is worried their tech had given rise to our future AI Overlords.
There’s a recent news article claiming Yosemite National Park was being closed indefinitely due to “extreme weather”. A LIE!!! The truth is, the Sasquatch have set up a portal to their home dimension within the park. They’re using the area as a staging ground for their imminent invasion.
I have it in good authority that a modern day plague was actually grown in a lab, then unleashed upon an unsuspecting humanity. I am, of course, speaking of reality TV.
I have no idea why that posted twice. I blame Blake Shelton. Probably because of the dimensional cross rip. These things happen.
The real reason Blake Shelton (if that is his real name) is leaving the TV show The Voice is so he can return to his home dimension with all the valuable intelligence he’s gathered on humanity.
All these “flying objects” being spotted. Looks like the aliens are finally making their move.
There was a news article about Peyton Manning’s son being his spitting image. That’s because the boy is actually a clone. It’s an experiment by the NFL team owners to produce and endless supply of new players, for when the others get hurt.
The so-called “spy balloon” was actually a clever new weapon developed by the 2/3rds Dimension aliens actually running most of Asia (and Luxembourg). They wanted us to destroy it, because doing so will unleash the psychotropic gas within. Once that gas settles into our water system, it will slowly turn the entire populous into Nickelback fans, thus rendering us helpless and catatonic whenever the band’s music plays. AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!
That’s exactly what THEY want you to think!
The WiFi went “out” in our area yesterday. And I’m pretty sure it was just so they could upload some new tracking software.
Big Plumbing has long been able to employee secret, pinpoint freezing technology. This allows them to rupture pipes and valves with utmost precision, maximizing their profits.
There have been recent new reports the Earth’s core shows evidence of slowing down (and possibly reversing). This is, of course, merely to distract scientists from the fact that gravity is slowly being weakened by aliens who want the Earth for themselves.
The reason there’s a “crawfish season” in Louisiana is because that’s the time every year when the dimensional barriers are at their weakest, allowing the tiny, armored terrors to once again invade our reality. Luckily, they taste good when properly cooked.
Sliced bread wasn’t actually developed by an American. It was secretly developed by a cabal of Belgian Mayonnaise Manufacturers, as part of their insidious plot to spread their malign product by encouraging sandwich eating.
The $200 million supposedly paid recently for Justin Bieber’s entire music catelog was actually hush money. Unknown to most people, the entertainer has extensive knowledge of theoretical physics and engineering. They needed to purchase his silence for helping them develop new sound-based weaponry to help repel a forthcoming alien invasion.
That’s just what they want us to think.
Why did I eat all that candy? Because the Sugar Bugs sent out their nanotech drones, which send signals to your brain, making you desire to eat more sugary foods.
United flight from LA lands safely in Sydney after declaring 'fuel mayday' Don't be fooled by the headline. The real reason this plane landed was so all the passengers could be replaced by cloned duplicates, all with mind control implants. This courtesy of the secret cabal of genetically engineered, hyper-intelligent Koalas that secretly rule Australia.
Water beds, while once popular, have all but disappeared from modern society. The reason for this is because the substance inside them was, more often than not, not water. These "beds" were actually outposts for a race of other-dimensional blob creatures, attempting a secret invasion of our world. The truth was eventually discovered by a group of engineering students, who then allied with Jeremy Irons, and the Vatican's secret commando brigade to wipe out the invaders.
According to my sources, Lebron James' decision to sign with the L.A. Lakers is part of an elaborate plot to ultimately sell the entire city to Luxembourg.
I have it on good authority that Comcast plans to improve upon their bid for Fox Entertainment by offering to include the city of Philadelphia as part of the sale.Yeah, but who'd want it? Once you've got the cheesesteaks and maybe a few historical landmarks, it ain't worth all that much. Don't forget, it also has the Rocky statue, which isn't really a statue at all. It was, in truth, once a boxer by the name of Johnny "Cold Stream" Fabria. He single-handedly stopped an alien invasion, but in his moment of triumph the fleeing aliens shot him with a ray that turned him to statue form. The men in black then made all the witnesses forget.
I have it on good authority that Comcast plans to improve upon their bid for Fox Entertainment by offering to include the city of Philadelphia as part of the sale.
The recent defeat of the proposed light rail system in Nashville was actually perpetrated by a nefarious organization that controls development and production of fast food drive thru technology. Few cars, fewer Egg McMuffins!
The negative image given to "hand-me-down clothing" in TV and movies has been part of a decades long campaign by a sinister cabal consisting of Hanes, Levi Strauss and Co, and Nike.
A secret cabal of comic book writers and artists has been orchestrating traumatic events for many years now, all in hopes of causing permanent mutations to the human genome and finally unleashing actual super powers on an unprepared humanity.
Not all mosquitos are real insects. Aliens from Dimension Squirtznittle have infiltrated the world's mosquito population with tiny drones, which they are using to acquire human DNA samples. These samples will then be used to construct the aliens' flesh suits, in preparation for their invasion.
Exactly! So now he must be a Pod Freehold. If you hang out with him, and suddenly develop an inability to sing and distaste for cooking awesome food, we'll know you've been replaced as well.
This makes mathematical sense. You can't invoke math! You hate math! Who are you and what have you done with the real Freehold?!? POD PERSON!!!!
The true reason why James Comey was fired is, oddly enough, all about diplomacy. The U.S. Government is secretly in contact with a race of aliens, who are interested in developing an open relationship with the people of Earth. However, Mr. Comey coincidentally bears an uncanny resemblance to an ancient menace that race was once plagued by, and they insisted he be removed from any position of authority before they could even think of declaring themselves to the people of this planet.
In an effort to corner the market on both alternative energy and birthday entertainment for young girls and bronies, the evil Monstanto corporation is hard at work attempting to genetically engineer unicorns, to which they would then hold the patent. The company lawyers even hope to be able to use ownership of the product to argue legal authority over such works of entertainment as My Little Pony, The Last Unicorn, and the movie Legend.
There is currently a story out of Washington State regarding the Mazama pocket gopher, a protected species whose presence on property can prevent development. Exactly what the "gophers" want. This entire situation is a deliberate smear and misinformation campaign, perpetrated by am evil alliance of powerful tech developers. Years ago, they established hidden underground laboratories and test facilities throughout Washington State's undeveloped land. Specifically, each location of a "gopher" siting is actually a location of one of these facilities. What is being claimed are gophers are, in fact, highly advanced robotic duplicates. They serve a dual purpose of acting as mobile security cameras and a deterrence against those who might, through land development, accidently discover one of the hidden bases.
I've learned through various sources that the annual "Bacon Shortage" rumor is a part of the ongoing conspiracy to eliminate foods normal people actually like, in favor of an herbivorous diet. This plan was put into effect years ago by the VAIC (Vegan Agricultural Industrial Complex), as the dietary version of converting more people to a herd mentality, much like the MEEIC (Media Educational Entertainment Industrial Complex) is already doing. However, none of this has anything to do with the newly surging popularity in poly-cotton blended clothing. That is being pushed by a different group, the SWAIC (Seventies Were Awesome Industrial Complex). For some odd reason, they are closely aligned with the EIAIC (Elvis Is Alive Industrial Complex).
What did Don Rickles know about the plans of our Future Reptilian Overlords? My guess is it has something to do with the secret weather control satellites those scaly bastards have been using to sow chaos and confusion across the planet.
Why do I have a page? It's probably laced with mind-control nanites. The government tries that s$~~ with me all the time. You need some tin-foil gloves.
Traffic jams are not the result of idiot drivers, but are actually caused by Russians hacking our traffic lights and various electronic road signs. They also hack their way into computers used by road construction companies and city workers in order to change road closures at the last minute. The heads of the various state DMVs are in collusion with these nefarious commie bastards, and regularly meet with them to plan and coordinate new problems.
One of the most powerful factions in government is getting ready to make its bid for power - the DMV. Although most people consider the DMV to be strictly a state-by-state organization, there is actually a Shadow DMV at the federal level, which controls all traffic lights, traffic cameras (including the infamous red light cameras), street signs, and road construction throughout the country. They use this authority (coupled with a complex, high-order algorithm) to manipulate people via their routes to work/home, and when running errands.
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