Big Ern soaks his head in the sacred spring again.
"I like the way you think, Beardo!" Big Ern enthuses when he sees the dwarf's ingredient list.
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Big Ern snorts, "Well, I don't much feel like riding back through those goddamn fairies again, but you did help me out when I was sick, so I figure I owe ya one."
There's nothing Big Ern wants that's in the ~100 gp range. Well, besides booze and hookers; he'll buy 10 gp worth of the former and keep his mouth shut about the latter.
"Hopefully the bandits have some cash, too. There's lots of things I'd like to buy..." Big Ern scratches his balls while thinking of what he'd do with a small fortune.
"Kill the fatted calf, the conquering heroes have returned!" Big Ern bellows. "Now if we could just find those bloody bandits..."
Big Ern snorts. "Look -- I don't care who has been a meanie to who. You don't like bandits. We don't like bandits, and we're trying to get rid of them. So why don't you just leave us alone and we'll get back to killing bandits and everyone will be happy?"
"We weren't mean to her, it was a funny joke! Almost twice as funny as that time that pixies made me fall off my horse, for instance. Ha ha ha, get it?" Big Ern retorts. "B$!*%es be crazy," he mumbles to himself. Perception:
Big Ern pulls his horse to an abrupt halt. "Oh...more hilarious practical jokes. Yuk yuk." He rolls his eyes as he dismounts and waits for the rest of the party to disentangle themselves.
Big Ern keeps riding towards her, keeping an eye out for anything more hostile than what she has done so far.
Ref save: "This can't be good..." Big Ern spurs his horse to ride directly towards the figure at full speed.
Big Ern snorts in derision, with a hint of snot flying from his nostril. "I've had enough of chicks who won't tell me what they're doing, or who pretend to not speak my language, or who act in a million other crazy ways. If I was king, I'd post a big sign at the border: NO CRAZY B#$%!ES. It'd probably make the most popular king ever, I bet."
Big Ern (the mapmaker) votes to continue mapping.
As long as someone else is staying awake to keep an eye on the trapper, Big Ern is mollified. He'll take the last shift.
"Yep, that's us -- the big damn heroes. At least him and me and her," Big Ern gestures to Agerron and Majet while continuing to whittle. "The rest of 'em are taking a dirt nap or feeding a walking bush or some shit, so we recruited some replacements."
Big Ern shrugs and goes back to whittling a piece of wood. "See? Was that so hard?" He looks over her equipment for spare traps, pelts, etc. to see if her story seems plausible.
Big Ern looks at her point blank, his temper starting to flare. "Listen up lady. Why are you refusing to tell us why you're here? Do you think that being all mysterious and shit makes you fascinating somehow? It doesn't." "WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. OUT. HERE."
Big Ern looks at Agerron, all signs of humour gone. "I'm as serious as a f++$in' heart attack -- I don't want any vampires or werewolves or shit chewing my face off when I'm sleeping."
"So, what're you doing wandering around the wilderness at night? I don't think you're looking for love, honey."
"Yup, you got me. I'm a big damn chartered hero all right. Come looking for a warm bedroll?" Big Ern suggests with a hideous leering wink.
"Knock yourself out, buddy." Big Ern gives him a scrap of paper covered with his dirty fingerprints.
Craft (maps):
Survival: Big Ern doesn't have Craft (mapmaking). Would Knowledge (geography) help?
Big Ern suggests exploring the terrain that lies between the shrine and Oleg's fort, assuming we can hunt up enough food to keep us going. Then we can tell Jhod that we're cleaned up the shrine to Erastil.
Big Ern grumbles but says, "At least we'll have a roof over our head for once." He'll take the last watch.
"Well, we might as well take a look around since we're here," Big Ern suggests.
Big Ern snorts derisively at the holy symbol. "You want to keep that doohickey, knock yourself out. I'll stick with believing in yours truly, thanks." If it's still early in the day and they still have some provisions (e.g. boar meat), Big Ern is amenable to exploring the neighbourhood and coming back to the temple to spend the night.
Big Ern submerges his whole filthy head in the healing spring and starts gulping it up noisily.
Big Ern is true to his word and begins laboriously scratching his balls, which have become sweaty and compressed after the long days of riding with no bath.
Big Ern stops foaming at the mouth and starts puffing and panting. "Thanks, Beardo. That was a dude? So much for the rug." He mixes up an alchemical extract of healing and chugs it.
"Okay, so here's your damn temple-thing. Knock yourself out doing whatever you want to do, Leafy Joe. I'll be over here scratching my balls. Hey Stumpy! Watch where you throw those firebombs, butterfingers!"
Big Ern walks up and attacks.
Upon seeing the temple, Big Ern drinks his mutagen. Init: "Great! I needed a new rug," he grins as he gets ready to enter his battle-fury. He flies into a rage and charges the bruin, heedless of personal safety. Attack (with power attack):
After waking, Big Ern takes an hour to prepare another Strength mutagen.
Big Ern stops raging and lets out a big yawn. "Man, killing wolves tires me out like a son of a b~!*&. Wake me up when it's morning." He takes off his breastplate, cleans off his axe, plops down on the ground and starts snoring immediately.
Big Ern starts foaming at the mouth and chops at the wolf attacking Tyr. greataxe, no power attack, rage + mutagen
As noted, Big Ern wakes up Whiskeyjack with a boot to the ribs. "Hey sleepyheads -- WAKE UP!!!" Big Ern hollers.
"Beats me, but the horses are acting squirrely." If he has time, Big Ern walks over to Whiskeyjack and kicks him next.
Considering that I haven't been keeping track of experience, your revelation makes no difference to me. :-)
Big Ern kicks Agerron in the ribs with his hobnail boot. "Hey, wake up. I think there's something out there." He uncorks his mutagen and drinks it as a precaution.
Big Ern will keep a watch; he learned his lesson about that already.
"Yeah, I'm just about ready to hit the ol' fart sack. Remember folks -- if you see a big wad of vegetation coming close in the middle of the night...RUN THE F+#& AWAY!!"
Big Ern just barely resists the temptation to forget the original mission and have a wild boar cookout. Survival
Big Ern will try to salvage some of the meat before moving on. (take 10 with Survival, if needed)
Big Ern (still raging) will do a coup de grace on one of the boars.
Big Ern flies into a frothing, howling fury and charges the deadly sow. , +2 to attack if it's possible to charge
Big Ern jumps off of his traitorous horse and draws his axe.
Init: "All right, IT'S BACON TIME!!" Big Ern hollers.
"You wanna see a carbuncle? I think I've got one on my ass..." Big Ern grins. "Naw, just kidding."
"Hey! Leafy Joe Jr. -- wakey-wakey! What are you looking at?" Big Ern bellows at Nero. |