Barbie Barbarian's page

OMG! A DWARF! Those things are a-DORABLE! They can sniff out diamonds, rigtht?! Like those piggies that sniff out truffles?!

A look into Barbie's personality: she thinks of dwarves as poodles. She want to style their beard & hair as a rich girl might have done to their dog. For some reason, she also thinks dwarves are "cute". Go figure.

...need an arcane caster?

You dorky undead are SOOO not hot! Fur shure! Now, if you were a buff, steamy sorcerer... that might cha-ange...

@ Mama kelsey: You clearly have so I-ssues with my hotness!

@ HKOTV: You go girrl! Together, we will be, like the hottest combo EVAR!

(imagine valley-girl/lumpy space princess speech)

Helloooo! Shut up for a second and listen! I am looking for a party (OMG I just realized there are 2 ways it can be understood! of, like, totally HOT people to like, adventure with. Daddy kicked me out (apparently I have anger issues!?) so now I need a new way to for the hottest fashions! Any hot people wanting to go out smashin some ugly goblins!?

Akinra wrote:

Read Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordsperson.

Swords[l]person[/i]? Oh no, Barbie, Birnbaum is not some generic gender neutral commoner. Barbie is a swordswoman (with a dazzling manicure and a nose job daddy got her for her sweet-sixteen).

I NEVER HAD A NOSEJOB! THIS HOTNESS IS ALL NATURAL, FUR SHURE!

Oh my god.. The taverns! "WOOOOOO PARTAY!" And off she goes to blow the entire party's money on booze, illicit drugs, and high-priced clothing.

OH, MA GAD! YOU SO TOTALLY UNDERSTAND ME! NOT LIKE BIG STINKY AM GUY!?

Barbie Barbarian wrote:

AM OTHER BARBARIAN wrote:

AM NOT "AM BARBARIAN," BUT AM OTHER BARBARIAN, AND BARBARIAN AM HATE BE SAW AS "MANLY-MAN" ONLY.

AM NOT SMART, BUT AM KNOW BARBARIAN AM NOT MAKE MORE BARBARIAN WITHOUT GIRL BARBARIANS. BARBARIAN AM HAVE MOMMY AND DADDY LIKE NOT-BARBARIANS, AM NOT KNOW WHY NOT-BARBARIANS AND TALKY-MEN AM THINK BARBARIAN AM NOT HAVE MOMMY AND DADDY; AM MAKE BARBARIAN ANGRY! AM SMASH!

AM THINK IF BARBARIAN AM MEET GIRL-BARBARIAN, GIRL-BARBARIAN AM TALK LIKE BARBARIAN TALK. IF GIRL-BARBARIAN NOT TALK LIKE BARBARIAN, GIRL-BARBARIAN AM NOT REAL BARBARIAN. AND IF NOT REAL BARBARIAN, BARBARIAN AM SMASH NOT-BARBARIAN FOR MAKE FUN OF BARBARIANS!

BUT AM JUST BARBARIAN "OH-PIN-YUN." IF AM NOT LIKE, BARBARIAN AM "UHN-DUR-STEAHND." BUT AM STILL SMASH!

SHUT UUUP! LIKE, OH, MA GAD. WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT!? DO YOU NOT, LIKE, HAVE ANY SENSE!? NO MATTER HOW I TALK I AM, LIKE, THE HOTTEST!? YOU SHOULD, LIKE, TOTALLY WORSHIP ME, FUR SHURE!

GIRL-BARBARIAN AM TALK LOUD, BUT NOT TALK LIKE BARBARIAN TALK. BARBARIAN AM LOUD, BUT AM TALK SMASH. AM TALK MUCH SMASH. AM NOT KNOW IF GIRL-BARBARIAN AM REAL BARBARIAN IF GIRL-BARBARIAN NOT TALK MUCH SMASH.

AM BARBARIAN, AM MUCH SMASH. SUCH WOW. AM SMASH MOST, MORE THAN ALL BARBARIANS AND NOT-BARBARIANS. AM SMASH GIRL-BARBARIAN LIKE BARBARIAN AM SMASH ALL CASTIES, AND BARBARIAN AM SHOW ALL HOW BARBARIAN AM BEST SMASH.

REALLY!? YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SMASH ME!? I AM SOOO TOTALLY GOING TO SCRATCH YOU UP! YOU BETTER HOPE I DONT BREAK A NAIL, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO BECOME REALLY MAD!?

AM NOT "AM BARBARIAN," BUT AM OTHER BARBARIAN, AND BARBARIAN AM HATE BE SAW AS "MANLY-MAN" ONLY.

AM NOT SMART, BUT AM KNOW BARBARIAN AM NOT MAKE MORE BARBARIAN WITHOUT GIRL BARBARIANS. BARBARIAN AM HAVE MOMMY AND DADDY LIKE NOT-BARBARIANS, AM NOT KNOW WHY NOT-BARBARIANS AND TALKY-MEN AM THINK BARBARIAN AM NOT HAVE MOMMY AND DADDY; AM MAKE BARBARIAN ANGRY! AM SMASH!

AM THINK IF BARBARIAN AM MEET GIRL-BARBARIAN, GIRL-BARBARIAN AM TALK LIKE BARBARIAN TALK. IF GIRL-BARBARIAN NOT TALK LIKE BARBARIAN, GIRL-BARBARIAN AM NOT REAL BARBARIAN. AND IF NOT REAL BARBARIAN, BARBARIAN AM SMASH NOT-BARBARIAN FOR MAKE FUN OF BARBARIANS!

BUT AM JUST BARBARIAN "OH-PIN-YUN." IF AM NOT LIKE, BARBARIAN AM "UHN-DUR-STEAHND." BUT AM STILL SMASH!

SHUT UUUP! LIKE, OH, MA GAD. WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT!? DO YOU NOT, LIKE, HAVE ANY SENSE!? NO MATTER HOW I TALK I AM, LIKE, THE HOTTEST!? YOU SHOULD, LIKE, TOTALLY WORSHIP ME, FUR SHURE!