Hello again! I know it’s a bit late here, but I’ll be addressing feedback now:
in Vassalage:
..."The rajah uses that ally’s space and reach as if it were her own during this attack or maneuver, and uses her own weapons."
so if I am the 'entitled', does that mean that a weapon other than my own is suddenly in my hand for this attack? or am i reading this poorly?
Besides the benefits you get from being entitled with a veil, nothing happens to the entitled when the vassalage is used through them. The Rajah uses their akashic power to make an attack through that veil (How it visually manifests is up to the player).
Royal Mandate seems to do a lot; it's use recovers maneuvers, lets you shift around your essence investments, and you can give an ally certain actions when it isn't their turn. Though I suppose this isn't too much more than other recovery features would do.
Minor thing from Divine Mandate:
"She treats any creature she has blessed as if she had casted the status spell on them."
Should casted just be cast?
more feedback incoming.
Fixing typos as they’re pointed out. And boy there’s a lot!
Impassiveness seems really good for something that can be picked up at level 3. Constant Sanctuary seems like it should have a minimum level attached? maybe I am overestimating its usefulness.
minor edits
from A smile to remember: "causing them to recall speaking or interacting with you within the last twenty four hours, with the details let up to the GM."
Should be left
I absolutely LOVE some of these heraldries. the way the interact with the unseen servants are fun, and the Valued Customer is absolutely fantastic. I imagine the outsider appearing and saying: "what'cha buyin'?"
I read slow, so this may take me a bit. onto the veils!
I’m glad you liked the heraldries! They were a lot of fun to write.
Impassiveness breaks when you start doing offensive actions, so unless you plan to sit out combat, it’s really only good for preventing you (and only ou) from being ambushed, or from being attacked in the first round of combat.Of course, if your allies decide to attack something you don’t want have no part in, it’s great for sitting down, having your unseen servants treat you to tea, fan you, and so on while your allies get into trouble. It’s also great for diplomacy in dangerous situations, as the sanctuary can prevent people from attacking you to, making sure you get your words in!
The Demiurge veil is selectable by anyone? or would a feat be necessary?
"Unlike other veils, a veilweaver can shape as many of a given Title as they wish, though they may not shape the same Title onto a creature multiple times."
This seems like a lot. Perhaps some limit (like counting against your total shaped veils) would be wise.
The Benevolent: seems like it is handing out a lot, considering how you can give this thing out like candy. This makes me question how useful the chakra bind's ability to let you share some of the qualities of this veil is.
The Primordial: This one is awesome. It is almost 4 veils in one though... Maybe it is just me.
The Protector: "In addition, the entitled's adjacent allies gain a +1 bonus to their AC."
what kind of bonus?
The Resolute: "The power points granted by this veil are persistent between users, and power points spent by one entitled count against those granted to any entitled following."
So, this is weird to me. I don't like it very much and can't put my finger on why.
The skirmisher: the chakra bind: "...The target doesn't fall until the entitled allows them to, or the current turn ends. The entitled may push a locked creature, then use their own movement from this veil to follow their target without relinquishing their lock."
I don't get this one. Is this part on the right veil?
The Specialist: This one feels strong. Thunderbolt specifically. 1 hour deafen seems a bit much; presumably the target will be dead within that hour. Though I suppose it could hit an ally. Additionally, should this one be a sonic effect, rather than electricity?
Symbol of Mercy feat: I love the flavor here. This one needs a save, some form of HD limit, or something. This is potentially stupidly powerful.
Minor edits:
Striking Mirage: "You may then immediately move this soldier up to your movement speed using any movement mode you have available to you This soldier of akasha lasts until the end of your turn."
I think a period is meant to go in between...
Demiurge is selectable by the Rajah as that’s the only class it’s on. Everyone else requires a feat for it.
Added in some clarification text so that those with title veils know that it counts against their total veils shaped each day.Benevolent is a very fancy Protection vs Evil and Acid and Cold resist. While it seems like a big pile of stats, do note that not every creature is evil, and some evil creatures can penetrate DR/Evil. Acid and Cold resist might not come into play that often, either, so a lot of the bonuses are potentially situational depending on what you’re fighting. When it’s good though, it’s real good.
Glad you liked primordial!
The Protector provides an untyped bonus to AC. This is intentional for stacking purposes.
Changed that sentence in the Resolute. I think it read weird due to tenses being mixed up.
The Skirmisher’s bind is in reference to Fool’s Errand; another Path of War discipline. Since Locking has it’s own mechanics, this bind helps you move creatures you’ve locked without breaking the lock. The former sentence is for people who’d push their enemies upwards; so you can keep kicking/punching them upwards into the sky.
Thunderbolt is indeed supposed to be electricity; being sonic would make sense for being Thunder, but much like the pokemon move, it’s an electric base. This is important due to resistances and how sonic is resisted by very little; plus it’s important to the theme of the Specialist and the title veils over all.
Symbol of Mercy actually has one particularly strong limit -- You have to kill the creature. Thus, they receive many saves/checks/and so on along the way to not die. Once they’re dead; or would be, you can intervene with this feat, meaning they get to live instead of dying!
Fixed that typo.
Radiant Dawn stuff now... I may do this one in chunks, if necessary:
"Essence Capacity: However large your Essence pool is, you can only invest a certain amount Essence into any one Veil, feat, class feature, magic item, or other Akashic receptacle. Your character level determines this Essence capacity as show below, though some feats, class features, magic items, or other abilities or effects may modify your base capacity"
Should be shown.
"Access to the Discipline: ... As such, any character of any class can can access the Radiant Dawn discipline by trading one of their available disciplines for it. If they do, they gain Diplomacy as a class skill."
should only say can once.
Dismiss is odd; you make a trip attempt in order to bull rush your target?
My brain is mush for now so more may come around later for this.
Fixed typos.
Dismiss is a trip attempt & a bullrush attempt that fires off on one trip attempt. You basically knock them down and shove them away!Thanks for all your feedback, I hope I covered everything!