"Oi! Don't ye know it's impolite to hit someone while he's carrying a coffin?!"
Steer swings at a farmer, but his height disadvantage makes him miss. At least, that's what he tells himself.
Steef rears back to smack the Farmer on the noggin, but realizes he can't reach that high and just hits the air under his chin instead.
The farmers see Ezekiel run off towards their friend Gibs and try to halt his motion, sticking their shafts between his legs and wiggling them around, trying to knock him over.
And one succeeds! Making Ezekiel faceplant and take a mouthful of tasty, tasty dirt (and grass).
With surprising mobility, Cassiel lifts his staff and brings it down on the closest farmer's head.
As he falls, Ezekiel uses the momentum to crush the fool who tripped him.
Ezekiel chops one of the farmers in half, sending his guts spraying everywhere as the large hammer hits off the man's top part like a tee-ball.
Cassiel also thwocks one on the head.
The one Cassiel hit promptly runs off.
"ZEKE! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?! Wait-never mind...answered my own question, carry on."
There are only 4 farmers remaining in the fight (the one Cassiel hit runs away this turn). One of them keeps trying to thwock Ezekiel, one on Cassiel, and two are still on Steef (the easy target so far).
All of them miss completely.
Cassiel raises his staff again, glowering at the man who just tried to hit him.
"Didn't your mother teach you to respect your elders?" *THWACK*
While still continuing his speech, Shoukichi performs a basic fencing position with his rapier and lunges forwards to stab...
The air.
The farmer, startled that the previously non-hostile Shoukichi attacked him, just looks at him dumbfounded.
He takes a swipe at you, but misses.
Cassiel *THUNKS* a man on the noggin, dropping him to the ground.
Cassiel currently has the highest "enemies neutralized in melee" count of the party.
Steef kicks upwards at the farmer's crotch. "Yaar, take that ye inbred hogscrewer!
With a roar, Ezekiel rises to his feet and crushes the nearest foe.
The man Steef kicks falls over, a single tear running down his face before he passes out.
Ezekiel squishes another man underneath his hammer, blood and bone spraying out and horrifying everyone around.
"We're so screwed...I can't go back to jail, I can't!"
Ezekiel responds to Steef's terror with another roar... which trails off, to be replaced by a confused grunt.
A look of horror on his face, Ezekiel sinks to his knees. "Not again, no, no, no, no..."
"Don't worry, dwarf. I'm sure these superstitious, xenophobic villagers will let us go if we explain that we were merely killing their friends in self-defense."
The two remaining farmers break off of their targets.
"Kill that beast before he kills us all!"
No longer attempting to simply knock out the group, they swing their shovels at Ezekiel's head, blade first, and one hits him hard.
[.dice=Attack Roll]1d20+0[/.dice]
Precisely that. It says it at the bottom (along with every other formatting thing) if you scroll down to the "How to format your text" spoiler at the bottom of every box.
Also, your attack bonus should be +3 (Weapon Finesse, and 16 Dex).
I'll let you keep that 13 (total 16), which is a hit, so roll damage. You've got two turns to make up for, so give me the second one too, and now the third.
Should've mentioned something earlier. I thought you'd backed out of the game and I can never get a hold of you on Steam to ask.
"How dare you try and combat my friends!"; and with that, Jules released a series of strikes at one of the two remaining farmers; first, a slash with his kukri.
-----
Again, he swung his kukri at his foe.
. . . And he missed!
-----
Once more, he swings with his kukri, desperate for a hit.
Jerich slowly but surely whittles down his target, finally dropping him with a mighty strike. The man is unconscious, but bleeding profusely and likely to die without medical attention.
Ezekiel, briefly staggered by the shovel blow, instinctively responds with a booted foot to his attacker's stomach.
Assuming the last poor bastard hasn't already been beaten to a pulp by his turn, Cassiel gets behind him and knocks him out with one last THWACK.
Ezekiel provokes an attack of opportunity from the farmer, who whacks him again, hard. Ezekiel's boot then catches the man in the stomach, folding him over and taking him out of the fight.
The fight, brutal though it was, was short. Not even 30 seconds has passed.
Shortly thereafter, Father Grimburrow arrives on the scene.
"WHAT IN THE LADY'S NAME IS GOING ON HERE?" he roars.
He grasps his holy symbol and unleashes a cleansing wave of healing light that washes over everyone.
Four of the thugs stir from their unconsciousness, healed entirely by Grimburrow's Channeling. The remaining two, which Ezekiel hit with his hammer, are too far gone for his healing to do any good.
He glares at both sides equally, unsure which deserve his wrath more, the instigators, or the escalators.
"You four, AND GIBS, you should know better than this. What were you THINKING STARTING A FIGHT AT A FUNERAL? If it were up to me I'd let these men finish you off just for your monumental stupidity, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards today."
Sheriff Caeller arrives and pulls all the men aside. Interestingly, you notice he's most definitely not arresting them, though they do get a stern talking to.
Them gone, Grimburrow turns his stern gaze to you.
"And YOU. They were stupid, but those men didn't deserve to die, especially not as brutally as your little fiend-blooded friend ended them. The only reason YOU'RE not in lock-up right now is because they started it."
He takes a moment to calm himself before proceeding.
"At the very least, you didn't drop the coffin, so you did SOMETHING right today." he says.
"Now pick him back up and let's get on with this funeral before another disaster happens."
The rest of the funeral proceeds without issue. Lorrimor is interred to the ground, and Grimburrow speaks some words over the grave.
"We commend this man, Petros Lorrimor, to the ground, that he may seek the embrace of Pharasma in her Boneyard and be sent to the afterlife which he is deserving of. Lorrimor was a great man, a scholar of no small renown, and helped to hunt down and destroy many an undead abomination in his years. But more importantly, he was a good man, a loving father, and a pillar of the community. He will be missed by the many he leaves behind. "
"Would anyone here like to say a few words?"
Ezekiel starts to say something, but his voice cracks and he breaks down into smokey, coughing sobs.
"I would love to; although I must promise that I'm no public speaker." Jules spoke up. Standing, he walked over to the front of the grave.
". . . My life hadn't always been an easy one. Even in my own hometown, I was insulted and targeted for abuse by other children and adults; and all because of my race. But only when I began studying under Professor Lorrimor, did I ever find any real compassion toward me as a person from anyone outside my family; when I and many others had been in weakness, the wise, diligent and sympathetic man who had been Petros Lorrimor had helped us and worked hard so we could rise above our troubles, our flaws, and our own insecurities to become great students, and even greater people."
Tears began to pour from his eyes like water from a spring; yet he continued.
"But even in his grimmest of hours, Professor Lorrimor demonstrated a deeper emotional connection to everything and everybody around him; more than a single man had ever or should've ever needed to possess."
Jules finally began to break down into sobs; yet he continued his speech.
"And for such a man of devout heart, mind and body, I may only leave these simple words for his resting soul; Quel fara, ar' quel kaima."
"That was beautiful young man." Grimburrow acknowledges.
The crowd mutters and you get the feeling that Jericho's words have gone a short way toward soothing the anger and loathing the townsfolk feel toward your group as a whole after Ezekiel's actions.
"Would anyone else like to speak before we inter his body and commend his soul to Pharasma's judgement?"
Cassiel stands, clearing his throat.
"I would just like to say that Lorrimor was the most dedicated scholar and friend I have ever know. He showed more dedication to his studies and his coworkers than I have in over two and a half centuries. I can only hope to become half the person he was in the time I have left."
Steef pats Ezekiel and Jules on their backs in what he hopes is a comforting matter. "There there, lads. 'E's in a better place now. 'Sall right. Don't ye worry, boys."
THey finish interring Lorrimor's body and the meager crowd disperses, headed home after the funeral.
Kendra invites you back to her (formerly her father's) house for the reading of the will.
You wait a short time for Councilman Hearthmount to arrive. He doesn't seem pleased that most of you are there, but outwardly tries to show no sign.
He produces a scroll case, bearing the professor's unbroken seal, then breaks teh wax and opens it.
A large iron key drops to the floor and clatters and clangs for a moment, but Hearthmount ignores it and reads the Will.
“I, Petros Lorrimor, being of sound mind, do hereby commit to this parchment my last will and testament. Let it be known that, with the exception of the specific details below, I leave my home and personal belongings entire to my daughter Kendra. Use them or sell them as you see fit, my child.
“Yet beyond the bequeathing of my personal effects, this document must serve other needs. I have arranged for the reading of this document to be delayed until all principals can be in attendance, for I have more than mere inheritance to apportion. I have two final favors to ask.
“To my old friends, I hate to impose upon you all, but there are few others who are capable of appreciating the true significance of what it is I have to ask. As some of you know, I have devoted many of my studies to all manner of evil, that I might know the enemy and inform those better positioned to stand against it. For knowledge of one’s enemy is the surest path to victory over its plans.
“And so, over the course of my lifetime, I have seen fit to acquire a significant collection of valuable but dangerous tomes, any one of which in the wrong circumstances could have led to an awkward legal situation. While the majority of these tomes remain safe under lock and key at the Lepidstadt University, I fear that a few I have borrowed remain in a trunk in my Ravengro home. While invaluable for my work in life, in death, I would prefer not to burden my daughter with the darker side of my profession, or worse still, the danger of possessing these tomes herself. As such, I am entrusting my chest of tomes to you, posthumously. I ask that you please deliver the collection to my colleagues at the University of Lepidstadt, who will put them to good use for the betterment of the cause.
“Yet before you leave for Lepidstadt, there is the matter of another favor—please delay your journey one month and spend that period of time here in Ravengro to ensure that my daughter is safe and sound. She has no one to count on now that I am gone, and if you would aid her in setting things in order for whatever she desires over the course of this month, you would have my eternal gratitude. From my savings, I have also willed to each of you a sum of one hundred platinum coins. For safekeeping, I have left these funds with Embreth Daramid, one of my most trusted friends in Lepidstadt—she has been instructed to issue this payment upon the safe delivery of the borrowed tomes no sooner than one month after the date of the reading of this will.
“I, Petros Lorrimor, hereby sign this will in Ravengro on this first day of Calistril, in the year 4710 AR”
Hearthmount, finished reading, looks expectantly at Kendra.
One hundred platinum pieces...I've never even heard of anyone having that much money! In a slightly strangled voice, Steef speaks up. "Yes, thank you Kendra...we're all here for you in this difficult tithe-I mean, time."
Gloomily, Ezekiel says "Glad to. I can sleep outside of town, if you want."
"If it isn't much of a hassle, may I request for private quarters? Preferably one that's a bit dark.
Inside are several old books, and a relatively new one that sits on the top and says "READ ME NOW!" on the front.
In addition to that are:
-A copy of the Umbral Leaves, a translation of the unholy text of Zon-Kuthon, the Prince of Pain
-The Manual of the order of the Palatine Eye, a deep purple text with a large golden scarab on the cover. This particular book is locked, with the key nowhere to be found, though the lock could be picked or destroyed if any of you are so inclined and would like to read it.
-On Verified Madness, a pitch black book that is a treatise on Aberrations and other creatures connected in some manner to the Dark Tapestry (the name used on Golarion for deep space, the seemingly never ending reaches between the stars).
-Serving Your Hunger one of several unholy books dedicated to the goddess Urgathoa.
But of the most immediate interest to you is the Professor's Journal.
It is mostly boring, day to day recordings of events. But Lorrimor has circled a number of entries in bright red ink, and it's obvious that these are the ones he wants you to read.
"Well, if everything is set for now, I'll be out on a walk around town. But before I go, is there anything I need to know? Any recent happenings?"
Ezekiel gently scoops up On Verified Madness, and begins to slowly but steadily read through it, occasionally pausing to sound out long words.
Ezekiel has a hard time understanding a lot of it. It's about Abberrations, such as the Gibbering Mouther (which is mentioned once), that much is clear, but the philosophical implications and ramblings on about what their end goal, if anything could possibly be are mostly beyond him.
Cassiel reads the "READ ME NOW" book.