If I were a Role Play Character...

[Terquem]

Stealing from Poster "Wrath"

If I were a role play character...

I would be an npc standing in the street with a name something like

Derpwood Artfarter

and every time the PCs talked to me I would respond

"The town doesn't like it when the apples are small."

and this clue would never be of any significance no matter how much investigating the Player's engaged in.

[Pan]

If I were a role play character....

I'd be a bard who always sings this song to anyone who will listen:

Come sit, and listen awhile

One evening as the moons came up and the temple fire was burning
Down the path came a murderhobo hiking and he said boys I'm not turning
I'm headin for a realm that's far away beside the crystal fountains
so join the party and we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the XP grows on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the laws are all empty and you would kill the sheriff anyway
On the swords and the boards and the barmaid hoards
Where hostages get saved after we been paid
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains all the guards have wooden legs
And the monsters all have rubber teeth and the barkeeps handover their kegs
The farmer's barns are full of loot, if they say no feel free to slay
Oh, I'm not bound to go where there ain't no gold
where those townsfolk should have killed us; truth be told
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never worry about locks
and if they are home you run them through no time for talks
the paladins have to tip their helms and all the lawful good are blind
If the party knew I’d kill them too
bury the dead without their gear is the thing to do
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains, dungeons are made of tin
And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in
There will always be short swords, axes, saws when you need a way
so I'm a goin to stay where you flay all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

I'll see you all this Monty Haul in the Big Rock Candy Mountains

[Sissyl]

If I were a role play character...

... I would have a very reusable catchphrase. Much like "I sense a soul in search of answers", and then hammer EVERYONE with it EVERY time, rejoicing in my invulnerable status as a friendly NPC protecting me from violence.

[Aranna]

I would sit in the tavern day and night lamenting to any brave heroes that I lost my kitty and I would dearly want her back. And to any who accepted the quest they would have to face the sharp vorpal claws of my angel/dragon/kitty. And if they survived and returned her to me I would reward them handsomely.

[Jiggy]

I AM ERROR

[David M Mallon]

You humans are all racist!

[Vincent Takeda]

What do you mean 'If I were a...?'... I used to BE a role play character... Then I took an arrow to the knee.

[Bjørn Røyrvik]

I'd be one of the faceless masses suffering an untimely and horrible death to help fan the flames of outrage in the PCs.

[Trekkie90909]

I'd be a few pixels short of a full sprite, my dialogue box would produce a 404 error, and talking to me would accept a quest you could never complete which permanently filled your inventory with a bound gibberish item.

[Bearserk]

...i'l be a magical healer and a goodhearted monster!

[Vidmaster7]

If I were a role play Character I'd be the recurring NPC with the bad running jokes.

[The Usual Suspect]

I'd be a tiefling sorcerer with all the wrong spells.

[Neriathale]

If I were a role play character I would be trying to flargle a skwarq with worumple because I ended up in the wrong genre and rule system.

[Mainer]

I'd be the crazy prophet talking about how our lives are nothing more than bits of paper/pixels controlled by an unseeable god that controlled our every move.

[Sissyl]

I could also be one of the guys sitting in the bar, telling everyone who talks to me that "Times are tough."

[Irontruth]

I'd be the guard you intimidate to get into the keep.

[quibblemuch]

I'd be trying to convince everyone that there was a trait that let me substitute ranks in Knowledge (Simpsons) for literally any other skill.

[Dire Elf]

I would be a friendly and helpful but mostly useless wizard, whose spell components would all be dice and whose verbal components would be Monty Python quotes.

[Trekkie90909]

Dire Elf wrote:

I would be a friendly and helpful but mostly useless wizard, whose spell components would all be dice and whose verbal components would be Monty Python quotes.

really tempted to make that character now...

[Alni]

I would be the wizard that forgot to bring along the components, can't find where they wrote down that spell and dropped the ingredient while casting ... and misplaced the wagon keys...

[Sissyl]

Oooh oooh I know! I would be the old guy they come to seeking some idiot trinket. And instead of giving it to them, I have misplaced it. So they have to get a new one. Only to do that, they need to visit three continents, fight hordes of monsters with permanent stat drain attacks, buy very expensive tickets, get very special items only useful on this quest... and when they do get back with it all, for the final ritual joining of the part items blah blah blah... I have found my old item again. So they can have that instead...

...letting the part items clog up their inventory forever.

[Alni]

Sissyl wrote:

Oooh oooh I know! I would be the old guy they come to seeking some idiot trinket. And instead of giving it to them, I have misplaced it. So they have to get a new one. Only to do that, they need to visit three continents, fight hordes of monsters with permanent stat drain attacks, buy very expensive tickets, get very special items only useful on this quest... and when they do get back with it all, for the final ritual joining of the part items blah blah blah... I have found my old item again. So they can have that instead...

...letting the part items clog up their inventory forever.

Just make sure in advance you wont be "killable" or else the parts would just clog up your coffin :P

[Chubbs McGee]

You all merely adopted role play. I was born into it! Molded by it! I didn't roll any dice until I was a man!

[David M Mallon]

If we're talking PC classes... I'd be a 1st-level bard with a 9 Charisma.