Good news, everyone!
Other than that phrase which is always a sign of impending doom, there is some slightly good news. Or bad news. However you may take it. You see, my creativity and hilarity have been waning of late, and I don't like it. I used to be able to come up with the wackiest stuff, but now my humor seems bland or overt. Like Wheaties. See? *Whacks herself* That's exactly the kind of thing I want to avoid! So, in an attempt to expand my creativity and become a Paizo forums personality, I will be doing ten minutes of freewriting every day. You are allowed to provide prompts that you want to to write about, but they may or may not get used.
DISCLAIMER: Reading or writing on this thread may cause SAN loss on both parties. Also loss of control of bowel functions.
Alright, first topic, let me think... Oh, oh! I know! I shall write about my mortal enemy:
You see, it is my opinion-no, it is a fact-that pineapples are out to destroy humanity. Here is my non-reasoning:
1. Pineapples are delicious.
2. Pineapples are very spiky.
3. Pineapples have not been proven to be poisonous. Now, ponder that for a moment. They have not proved to be poisonous. How many times has your D/GM has said that the door doesn't look like it's trapped, and a TPK results immediately after? Hmmm?
4. The pineapple's plan is to exploit genetic engineering companies through insidious mind control to make them more delicious-addictively so-their spikes more deadly, and their poison more potent. The result would be a mounting list of fatalities as humanity becomes addicted to pineapples and impales itself on spike spears and gets pineapple poisoned.
The pineapples now control nearly every aspect of our lives. Rise up and resist, brothers and sisters!!!
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Pineapples, more like painapples. :(
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All I can think of now are pineapple-flavored baby echidnas.
Delicious, delicious pineapplechidnas.
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But, without the upside-down pineapple in my shopping cart, how will people know Ward and I are swingers?
Were you aware that Frogs will rule the world, its true!
Coincidence that "pineapple" is a term for a type of grenade?
I THINK NOT.
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I love pineapple.
Please send any pineapple you do not want to me.
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Soak pineapple slices in dark rum preferably Bundaberg Rum, coat slices excessively in brown sugar throw on bbq grill, consume with ice cream and Dark & Stormys.
A Dark 'N Stormy is a highball cocktail made with Bundaburg rum and Bundaberg ginger beer served over ice and garnished with a slice of lime.
Main alcohol: Rum
Ingredients: 3 1/3 oz Ginger Beer, Couple dashes of bitters, 2 oz Dark Rum
Preparation: In a highball glass filled with ice, add dark rum and top with ginger beer. Garnish with lime wedge.
Served: On the rocks; poured over ice
Standard garnish: Lime wedge
Drinkware: Highball glass
Alternatively make lime sugar, coat or sprinkle pineapple chunks in lime sugar cook or eat cold... Serve with G&T.
INGREDIENTS
6 limes
2 1/4 cups sugar
PREPARATION
Remove zest from limes in strips with a vegetable peeler and cut away any white pith from zest (pith imparts a bitter flavor). Chop zest (about 1/2 cup), then grind in a food processor with sugar until mixture is pale green with bits of zest still visible.
cooks' notes:
·Lime sugar may be made 3 days ahead and kept, chilled, in an airtight container.
·The sugar becomes aerated in the food processor; do not pack when measuring.
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Pineapples are more insidious than you think. Most living things, you lop the top off, throw it aside, and that is that. Pineapples, you lop the top off, throw if aside, and IT GROWS INTO AN NEW PINEAPPLE PLANT ready to expand its nefarious, sweet, chock-full-of-pineapplely-goodness reach!
Wow...I really want to play a pineapple based disease in Plague.inc now...
Pineapples, ATTACK!!!
*pineapple falls at zylphryx's feet, then does this*
Oh great, now you've done it.
*Walks into thread with yellow juice splashed all over clothing. Spikes are embedded in her throat, heart, and other vital areas.*
A breif resurrection later, and I'm back.
So today's topic:
As a whole, it is extremely hard to insult me. Call me geek, or nerd? "Thanks for the compliment!" Loser? "True." Teacher's pet? "Hey, at least I get good grades." Strangely enough, however, people have never called me "faggot." Eventually, people get frustrated and just walk away. Most of the time, anyways-but on to that later.
However, although I have never been successfully insulted, sometimes there are a few gems I have unleashed myself:
"By the left frontal lobe of the Sky Demon, you are a complete imbecile, aren't you?"
"The question you should be asking is which mage is rubbing your synapses together, because you are obviously incapable of doing it yourself."
Of course, as these are rather geeky insults, I get laughed at a lot. However, they do incite arguments.
With my supreme intelligence, I can generally whittle down people's arguments to nothing. After all, I am the Earth's supreme overlord. What, arrogant and delusional? Nonsense! Guards, take them!
*is hauled away to the mental asylum, and continues to post from there*
Anyways, when I do the mental bodyslam and take them down to the ground, people generally resort to three last-minute arguments. When people start using these, you know you've won:
1. Cussing You Out: This is, by far, the most common. For some reason, people think if they hurl enough obscenity and bigotry at you, they will win. I have no idea why. Maybe it's just an instinctual urge to howl when backed into a corner? I don't know...
2. "But think of the children!" With ideological and/or political arguments, this comes up a lot when people don't have anything meaningful to say. Yes, there are children, and yes, I am thinking of them. What's your point, exactly? "There are children starving in China!" is a variant of this one. Yes, there are, but there isn't anything I can do about it, is there? Anyways, this is the death-screech of (wannabe) politicians everywhere.
3. Bible Thumping: Finally, there is this. When people start randomly quoting Bible passages at you, feel free to just walk away. They have nothing left.
Often, however, my arguments don't spring from failed insults: they come from arguments on how to find the TARDIS. (Non-Whovians, feel free to not read the next section. Then sit on the coach, open up Netflix, and treat yourself to a little Doctor Who, 'cause you're missing out on enlightenment.)
My philosophy is this:
A. Contact an alien race and get them to insidiously invade Earth. I'm still working on this step.
B. Train your innate psychic powers. Preferably by meditating and pissing off enough people so they try to hit you. The adrenaline will kick in, and probably jump-start your telepathy or telekinesis or what have you. I still have a bruise from the last time I tried this.
C. Turn on the I Am The Doctor BBC Proms music to get the correct Doctor (Eleventh in this case).
D. Channel your telepathy to contact his psychic paper with a vague message about Earth being in danger.
E. Wait for three days.
F. Give up, order pizza, and binge watch Season 6 (of the new series.)
***
Hope you enjoyed!
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<_<
isn't argue just the evolved form of a grue?
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isn't argue just the evolved form of a grue?
Yeah, pretty sure that's right.
Yep. Says so right here:
Argue
Dark Type
Evolved from: Grue
Evolves into: Squabble
Special Moves: Equivocate, Quarrel, and Bandy
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It's a bit more complicated than that; the Grue is the basal Support unit of the Legions of the Darned. If you choose to build the Chapel of Hate in your capitol, it will become an Argue, but if you choose to build the Labyrinth of Reason instead, it will become an Agree.
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Pineapple is the only known source in nature of the enzyme Bromelain. Bromelain actually digests proteins… so when you eat pineapple, it’s essentially eating you back.
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It's a bit more complicated than that; the Grue is the basal Support unit of the Legions of the Darned. If you choose to build the Chapel of Hate in your capitol, it will become an Argue, but if you choose to build the Labyrinth of Reason instead, it will become an Agree.
The Legions of the Darned? So that's who took my socks!