Welcome to the first installment of "Who Would Win?"
THE MATCH-UP
In this thread we will be discussing a hypothetical scenario pitting two of the world's greatest sidekicks against one another. Assume a setting-neutral battleground - let's say... a spacecraft hangar. (The Millennium Falcon is in for repairs..?)
Who would win?
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
It's asked like there is a chance Han Solo could win. Cute.
Brock.
Disclaimer: Not familiar with Venture Brothers so my analysis is based completely on the one paragraph on Sampson there on wiki.
It says he uses a knife as his main weapon and refuses to carry a gun. Provided he doesn't sneak up on Solo, and Solo recognizes him as a threat as soon as he sees him, it's a short game for Sampson - Solo pulls his blaster and fires, dead knifeman a la Greedo.
If Sampson can get in close before Solo recognizes him for the danger he is, he's got the upper hand - Solo probably has some fist-to-fist combat skill, but we've never seen him use a melee weapon except for clumsily handling a lightsaber once or twice. In that scenario, Solo probably gets a stab to the gut or a slit throat very quickly.
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X-factor: Han is lucky. Brock is kind of... not... lucky.
I know Brock is a living nightmare for "guys with blasters", but Brock is just a guy - he can be killed. And Solo isn't exactly "a guy with a blaster." He's Han Solo, damn it.
Now if this were a minion-killing competition, there'd be no contest...
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
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Stupid Pokemon...
I'll never be able to hear Brock the same way ever again.
I had to face the same problem last night, trying to explain Spiderman's Venom to Scintillae.
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I had to face the same problem last night, trying to explain Spiderman's Venom to Scintillae.Stupid Pokemon...
I'll never be able to hear Brock the same way ever again.
In fairness, that was about 50% willful misunderstanding.
Also, Solo. Managed to look badass despite George Lucas.
Solo. He looks like a less scruffy Indiana Jones you know.
Disclaimer: Not familiar with Venture Brothers so my analysis is based completely on the one paragraph on Sampson there on wiki.
It says he uses a knife as his main weapon and refuses to carry a gun. Provided he doesn't sneak up on Solo, and Solo recognizes him as a threat as soon as he sees him, it's a short game for Sampson - Solo pulls his blaster and fires, dead knifeman a la Greedo.
If Sampson can get in close before Solo recognizes him for the danger he is, he's got the upper hand - Solo probably has some fist-to-fist combat skill, but we've never seen him use a melee weapon except for clumsily handling a lightsaber once or twice. In that scenario, Solo probably gets a stab to the gut or a slit throat very quickly.
Allow me to enlighten you with the Brock Sampson beatdown montage. (Warning: Extreme violence and a brief shot of a naked man covered in someone else's blood.) In all likelihood, Brock will rip off Chewie's arms and proceed to beat Han to death with them.
At work so no go.
Did I mention it is a cartoon naked man with no wiener in view? Still no go? Okay, save it for later.
Han Solo would win because Brock is a cartoon. Han is real.
Using dead tauntaun to keep someone warm, ok.
Using dead Edgar Allan Poe to keep someone warm, epic.
By the way, what is the temperature of the inside of a tauntaun?
What you mean to say is that Harrison Ford is real, right?
...right?
Also: have you ever battled a cartoon? Watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit? again, sometime.
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
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What you mean to say is that Harrison Ford is real, right?
...right?
Also: have you ever battled a cartoon? Watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit? again, sometime.
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
Vern: Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?
Teddy: What are you, cracked?Vern: Why not? I saw the other day. He was carrying five elephants in one hand!
Teddy: Boy, you don't know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.
Vern: Yeah, maybe you're right. It'd be a good fight, though.
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I read this as "Mike Brock vs. Han Solo," and my money was on Mike all the way...
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Oh, well. No wonder.
It's impossible to beat the GM. "Your blaster explodes in your hand; Reflex save."
Daron Woodson
Abandoned Arts
Why does it have to be these two against each other? It's like asking who would win between the Hulk and Jet Li. I'm going to go with Brock Sampson getting shot, becoming enraged, killing Solo and Chewie and then dying from Solo's initial shot.
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Why does it have to be these two against each other? It's like asking who would win between the Hulk and Jet Li. I'm going to go with Brock Sampson getting shot, becoming enraged, killing Solo and Chewie and then dying from Solo's initial shot.
This one got me thinking. Replace Obi-wan with Brock Sampson. Never would've needed an episode 5 or 6. Not sure what Luke would've done though.
Why does it have to be these two against each other? It's like asking who would win between the Hulk and Jet Li. I'm going to go with Brock Sampson getting shot, becoming enraged, killing Solo and Chewie and then dying from Solo's initial shot.This one got me thinking. Replace Obi-wan with Brock Sampson. Never would've needed an episode 5 or 6. Not sure what Luke would've done though.
Brock's got way too many anger issues to be a Jedi Master.
No decision- Han convinces Brock they'd be better off cruising the port for twi'leks. Chewie is left to fix the Falcon, and saving the Venture boys from some teenage shenanigans involving the Monarch. Because he is the Ultimate Sidekick.
Han Solo would win.
Brock is just a cartoon.
Who is that?
Brock f@*$ing sampson
Mickey is a Mouse, Donald is a Duck, and Pluto is a dog.......what the hell is Goofy?
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And, how come there's no dogs in Star Wars? There's humans all over the effin place and not a single dog.
Darth Vader should have a little boston terrier. Somethin'.
Battlestar Galactica had dogs.
Star Trek had dogs.
Star Wars? Not so much.
Dogs in Star Wars
That's not canon though. The novels don't count.
If they did, Luke would've fought Darth Vader for the first time somewhere's other than Bespin.
Battlestar Galactica had dogs.
Star Trek had dogs.Star Wars? Not so much.
Not so much with the ladies, either. Pretty much a big sausage fest.
Many Bothans didn't die just to be told they weren't in the Star Wars universe!Battlestar Galactica had dogs.
Star Trek had dogs.Star Wars? Not so much.
They're not canon either.
They're as canon as Don Wan Kihotay, Baron Tagge, and Valance the Hunter.
Not so much with the ladies, either. Pretty much a big sausage fest.Battlestar Galactica had dogs.
Star Trek had dogs.Star Wars? Not so much.
Vader shoulda had Princess Aura from Flash Gordon as his apprentice, and then wtf? Leia shoulda had her ass a lightsaber.
Then, like, Aura would be all trying to seduce Luke and Han. And Lando.
And Boba Fett.
And Chewbacca.
And C3PO.
And, then, Leia duels her trying to snag Han back from Boba Fett on Lando's crib, and Luke is all, "don't kill her! I love her!!!"
Not so much with the ladies, either. Pretty much a big sausage fest.Battlestar Galactica had dogs.
Star Trek had dogs.Star Wars? Not so much.
Vader shoulda had Princess Aura from Flash Gordon as his apprentice, and then wtf? Leia shoulda had her ass a lightsaber.
Then, like, Aura would be all trying to seduce Luke and Han. And Lando.
And Boba Fett.
And Chewbacca.And C3PO.
And, then, Leia duels her trying to snag Han back from Boba Fett on Lando's crib, and Luke is all, "don't kill her! I love her!!!"
Wouldn't work very well on C3PO, though. I don't think he was programmed that way.
Han Solo. The fact that Brock Sampson is so much tougher is <i>why</i> Solo would win.
See, they're both fictional characters, so the encounter has to fit the proper narrative. There's no narrative tension in having Brock simply close the ground and exsanguinate Solo, which is what you would expect from someone who so definitely outclasses him. So, instead, the story would go, Han shoots Brock, Brock shakes it off and comes over and cuts Solo, Solo scrambles to get away, Brock moves in for the kill, Solo pulls a scoundrel trick and wins. Probably something like shooting the Falcon (so we can have the moment where Han almost can't bring himself to shoot) causing a convenient, strangely precise discharge of a jet of superacidic steam that only hits Brock.
It's like Superman vs. Batman. Batman wins, because the perfectly obvious (say, Superman throws a small heavy at Batman at several times the speed of sound, outpacing the maximum possible speed of an eye-muscles nerve impulse, resulting in Batman's head exploding like a melon hit by a sledgehammer) is boring.
Aunt May versus Galactus? Galactus is going down, hard.
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