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Just caught the review of Phantom Menace by Red letter Media. It raises some interesting ideas - like why if Anakin is the Protagonist of this arc of episodes do we only meet him half way in when they drop by Tatooine, or why the hell do they send two Jedi (a sledgehammer) to conduct Diplomacy? And why are the Trade Federation blocading the Naboo and disrupting their own free trade? Should it be The Naboo are seizing and searching Trade Federation vessels to stamp out smuggling of illicit goods or the Naboo are failing to pay the shipping bill?
If the Phantom menace is where it goes Wrong for Lucas, how should it have gone? Any Ideas?
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1. Senator Palpatine is sent to Tatooine as a Diplomatic envoy to negotiate with the Hutt who owns the world to bring it in to the Republic. Guarding him are two Jedi: Qui-gon-jin and Obi-Wan-Kenobi. It is here they discover Anakin Skywalker (a Slave) but because the Jedi dont have appropriate cash, cannot buy his freedom. Senator Palpatine buys the boy's freedom.
They return to Coruscant and it is here that the boy is tested and the Jedi reject him - they fear his power. Anakin gets taken on by Palpatine as an Aide.
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The biggest flaw in Episode 1 is that it directly contradicts past events. To make the movie better we would need a complete rewrite of the whole trilogy. We must get rid of the whole idea of the Jedi as cloistered monks who only train children to fill their ranks. The Jedi can and do train older apprentices in the ways of the Force and they are constantly on the lookout for new recruits. While on a mission to break up a Hutt slavery ring Obi-Wan Kenobi and his master Qui-Gon Jinn encounter a young smuggler named Anakin Skywalker. The reason that Obi-Wan was selected for this assignment is because he is from Tatooine, and Anakin is a friend of Obi-Wan's brother Owen. (Few people remember that originally Owan Lars was Obi-Wan's brother in the first printing of the Star wars novel.)Obi-Wan senses Anakin's strength in the Force and begins to train him after he passes his own trials. Anakin is assigned to guard the Queen of Naboo and the two fall in love and are married. However, war comes to Naboo and the two are forced from their home. Anakin vows to restore his wife to the throne and find the Sith Lord that killed his friend Qui-Gon Gin.
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Doku was right. The Republic was corrupt and grinding to a halt under the weight of the bureaucracy. The separatists were the last, best hope for the universe, and when the Jedi sided with Palpitane they picked the wrong side and sealed their own Karmic doom. They had to pay for their mistake with their destruction.
Doku never should have been portrayed as a double agent working for the dark side, becoming Darth Sideous or Tyranus or whoever he was. When he monologues Obe-wan and Anikin, they thought he was trying to lure them to the dark side, but he was really trying to give them one last chance to take the righteous path, and they rejected him.
[If they Jedi screwed up and had to pay for their Great Mistake it makes everything that follows more poetic, and really, their fault. The redemption of Anakin/Vader become the redemption of the who Jedi order/religion.]
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Anakin has an affair with a princess of Alderan. Thus Leia is only Sister to Luke by the Same Father. This makes Anakin more of an Adventurer/Rogue as opposed to mainstream Jedi who didnt run off and make Jedi Babies. This is more in Keeping with the feel of the Original trilogy. This allows Natalie Portmans character to become just one of these wenches that Anakin has an affair with.
Common Parents is more just to appease the religious right who dont want their kids to think it is acceptable to have multiple families by multiple Women.
My general feeling is that the evils of Episode I-III and the awesomeness of Episodes IV-VI is overblown. The first three Episodes are really not that bad and the last three are really not that good. Yeah sure they really where that good when you where 10 but the first three are considered pretty dang awesome by 10 year olds as well.
Having watched the whole series again recently I'd rank them as follows: (all IMO of course).
#1. Revenge of the Sith
#2. The Empire Strikes Back
#3. The Clone Wars
#4. A New Hope
#5. Return of the Jedi
#6. The Phantom Menace
So I'd agree that The Phantom Menace was the worst of the lot but would argue that not that much separated the best of the series from the worst.
Revenge of the Sith almost manages to pull out into classically good movie territory but does not quite make it. Star Wars, at its best, is mythological tales in the trappings of Space Opera, and here the plot really is going deeper then most. A plot of a powerful good guy who, because of his own flaws, particularly hubris, turns to evil to protect that which he loves and who then looses everything (including those he was trying to protect) is a powerful mythological tale with enough complexity inherent to actually be a good plot. Unfortunately Revenge of the Sith - while long - does not have enough time to do true justice to this plot. It probably needed to be two movies. To get into actually good plot territory we need to spend more time during the transition period to make Anakins actions once he turned to evil seem more believable and we needed to explore Padmé Amidala's response to his fall a lot more.
The ones that rank lowest on my list usually spend a lot of time on annoying or sickeningly sweet side characters like Ewoks.
I'd say my biggest complaint in terms of problem of the story is the fact that Darth Vader really does not act or behave in any way like Anakin Skywalker. I'd actually like to see yet another movie that takes place between episode III and IV that deals with this.
I really don't get the ewok hate. I've never had a problem with them(loved 'em as a kid, found them adorable as an adult as well as an important lesson on physics), and perhaps it's just bad luck, but the people I encounter in real life that DO have problems with them tend to have....issues. Not that everyone SHOULD love ewoks or anything truth be told, but in many cases, I understand that you don't like 'em- proclaiming your dislike from the tallest building along with the horrible things you would do to one if you got your hands on one is unnecessary.
Jar Jar, however...
Jar Jar, however...
I was worried for a second. I'd have to go all Whedon on you. :P
1) no. George Lucas may not direct.
2) the whole "1 sith lord/1 apprentice" is ass. the only good and I'd argue saving grace of Phantom Menace was the duel between Maul and Qigonn/Obiwan. ONE sith duod is good; 10 is better.
100 jedi vs. 100 sith knights.....PROFIT!
3)the best rumor I heard pre-Menace was Qi Gon's ship was gonna be the Millenium Falcon. MAKE IT SO!!!
4)the army of dorkbots with pinheads has to go. The stormtroopers were poguish cannonfodder, but they had bad ass uniforms. no pinhead comic relief robots. Make them awesome.
5)Mandalorians from the gitgo. Menace should've opened in media res with the Republic in an epic f@@%ing war like the beginning of Sith.
Hope opened up with a massive space battle. It's the only way.
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4)the army of dorkbots with pinheads has to go. The stormtroopers were poguish cannonfodder, but they had bad ass uniforms. no pinhead comic relief robots. Make them awesome.
One of the things that was established in the Expanded Universe clear back in the Thrawn trilogy is that cloning drove the clones nuts. The Clone Wars should involve clone armies fighting against the Republic, not for it.
1) no. George Lucas may not direct.
2) the whole "1 sith lord/1 apprentice" is ass. the only good and I'd argue saving grace of Phantom Menace was the duel between Maul and Qigonn/Obiwan. ONE sith duod is good; 10 is better.
100 jedi vs. 100 sith knights.....PROFIT!
3)the best rumor I heard pre-Menace was Qi Gon's ship was gonna be the Millenium Falcon. MAKE IT SO!!!
4)the army of dorkbots with pinheads has to go. The stormtroopers were poguish cannonfodder, but they had bad ass uniforms. no pinhead comic relief robots. Make them awesome.
5)Mandalorians from the gitgo. Menace should've opened in media res with the Republic in an epic f*&@ing war like the beginning of Sith.
Hope opened up with a massive space battle. It's the only way.
You might enjoy reading Star Wars: Legacy by Dark Horse comics. They have the One Sith, lead by Darth Krayt who has a freaking army of Sith underneath him.
I wrote this up last year, just for the hell of it. It does involve throwing out most of Phantom Menace, but who would miss it?
The second is that, well, the prequels don't really get dark until they're almost over. Despite the fact that they're more or less about the rise of Darth Vader. This could be fixed. So far as they go, they're ok. Revenge of the Sith is even a decent movie on its own, if not the heart-stopping epic that fans would demand or the compelling tragedy that Lucas probably wanted. I'm truly amazed that the guy has kids considering how stale his screen romances are. In fact as a writer he doesn't do much in the way of feeling at all.
It would have made more sense to structure the trilogy like a Shakespearean tragedy. The climax is in the middle, when Our Hero makes the ultimate wrong choice that sets him on the path do destruction. Then the back half is about everything falling apart. So one movie about Anakin the rising Jedi in the twilight of the Republic, where Emperor-to-be is destroying it from within. Anakin wins through, but this only achieves Palpatine's goal. That's more or less how the first movie worked, except that Anakin was an adjunct to the movie and really it was about the fall of the Last Smart Jedi.
That's a good story too. Now if he could have written it so that there's some kind of tragic misunderstanding that puts Qui-Gon and Anakin on opposite sides and Anakin killed him, that really would have tied it together. Qui-Gon sides with the "bad" guys. They're really dupes, even if they had real grievances, but no one knows that. Qui-Gon is the idealist or the one who smells the Sith plot. Anakin is the Savior of the Republic, or Naboo. He did the right thing and put down a Jedi who went the wrong way. Better still this could have been written so the only reason it's obvious to us that Anakin made the wrong call is that we know what happens later, but to them it's deeply ambiguous.
Along the way Anakin can meet and fall in lust with Padme. She does not reciprocate at all, but this is the first time Anakin's really had a powerful emotional experience. The movie ends with the eruption of the Clone Wars.
Second movie. The Clones Wars rage and Anakin and Obi-Wan are partnered together. Since he offed Qui-Gon, Anakin has gone a hair off the rails with guilt and confusion. Obi-Wan is trying to help him stay on the straight and narrow. They're friends, comrades. Anakin has grown into a sort of great man with a tragic flaw: he's still obsessed with Padme. In fact that obsession has gotten him in enough trouble that it's stalled his advancement and left him as a fighter pilot. Which frustrates him because he wants to prove himself to her and he can't do that as a spear-carrier.
Over the course of this movie, the Clone Wars play out with Palpatine's design from the movies as-is. He runs both sides and uses the Separatists to grind down the Jedi and the Republic. He grooms Anakin and cultivates the tension between the Jedi and the civilian leadership. Eventually he stages some kind of crisis where Anakin has to choose and his choosing Palpatine paves the way for the Empire. The movie ends with Order 66 being issued and the massacre of the Jedi. Anakin kills the kids, some of them on-screen. He has to so he will be strong enough to prove himself to Padme.
The final movie is about Anakin hunting down and battling a Jedi counterrevolution. Yoda gets to fight Palpatine and lose, but escape. Mace Windu can buy it here. Palpatine should not be icing Jedi who practically pose for him to slay. There's some kind of massive wreck of the remaining Jedi, maybe early in the film so the rest of it can be about Yoda, Obi-Wan, and a few others trying to decapitate the Sith administration as a last-ditch effort. About 3/4 of the way through the movie, Anakin lays his new triumphs before Padme and declares she has to love him now. He's worthy. She tells him she's never loved him and he snaps, more or less lobotomizes her, and then rapes her.
Obi-Wan comes for Anakin, but he's already off on his next mission. Now that he's had Padme, she's just an incubator to him if he even knows she's carrying. Obi-Wan senses the twins and takes Padme off to survive long enough to give birth. There's nothing of her but the kids left to save. Then he goes to get Anakin for real, they fight in a volcano. Anakin is burned and left for dead. Palpatine saves him and puts him in the suit.
Epilogue. The babies are born and hidden. Obi-Wan and Yoda go into exile. The Imperial March plays as Vader and Palpatine look out the window of a Star Destroyer at the Death Star prototype being built. The Beginning.
Of course the last movie or two would have to be rated R. But it would have been a damn sight better than what we got.
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The force returns to being a unifying energy in the universe found in all living things. Not a bunch of germs that we don't want spreading.
"Anakin, always cover your mouth when you sneeze. You don't want to be spreading midichlorians all over the place."
Are you suggesting a scenario where some pedestrian might catch a bad case of the FORCE?
MEDBOT: "I'm Sorry but your daughter kissed little Anakin...She has Force Cooties!"
PADME's MOM: "Is there a cure for that?"
MEDBOT: "No. I'm Afraid not...Her children will be Born Jedi."
PADME's MOM: "Damn! We were so close to getting her elected Chancellor of the Republic!"
Turns on Padme.
PADME's MOM: "Well I hope you're happy young lady! You kissed it all away!"
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The force returns to being a unifying energy in the universe found in all living things. Not a bunch of germs that we don't want spreading.
"Anakin, always cover your mouth when you sneeze. You don't want to be spreading midichlorians all over the place."
Are you suggesting a scenario where some pedestrian might catch a bad case of the FORCE?
MEDBOT: "I'm Sorry but your daughter kissed little Anakin...She has Force Cooties!"
PADME's MOM: "Is there a cure for that?"
MEDBOT: "No. I'm Afraid not...Her children will be Born Jedi."
PADME's MOM: "Damn! We were so close to getting her elected Chancellor of the Republic!"
Turns on Padme.
PADME's MOM: "Well I hope you're happy young lady! You kissed it all away!"
LOL - I was trying to avoid that very scenario. I prefer the force that was in the original star wars trilogy which was some sort of energy connection between all living things. Ben Kenobi describes it here at 1:00
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How about as musicals?
Everyone loves musicals.
So Be Prepared.
But before we 'commence primary ignition' please be our guest.
Add a dash of light hearted comedy.
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And why are the Trade Federation blocading the Naboo and disrupting their own free trade? Should it be The Naboo are seizing and searching Trade Federation vessels to stamp out smuggling of illicit goods or the Naboo are failing to pay the shipping bill?
It is one of the few things that make sense in the movie, A wants a war without being accused of attacking first, A blockades B so B doesn't get weapons and resources, A gets his war, classic stuff.
I would get rid of all the silly useless things, like Jar-Jar & friends or the Tatooine race, and I would give more importance to Palpatine and how he tries to destroy the Republic.
Or we could make the Gungan Underwater City one of those places where the Sith have been hiding out for millenia...a dark and terrible place where Obiwan is led down into the depths to meet a Sith (Darth Maul) and the resulting confrontation is terrible and distracts the Jedi long enough for the situation on the Surface to go crappy.
"Moymoy! We swim now." The Gungan prepared to enter the water.
"Something's Wrong. I sense something..." Obi-wan pulled back from the black pool.
"Nono Its just the Force. Much Force in Gungan City..."
Obiwan entered the Water after the Gungan. Still he could not shake the feeling. It was something he should know. Should Recognize...
The City was eerie. Obiwan followed the Gungan through the uncrowded halls past few Gungans who seem surprised by the Jedi's Presence.
The Throneroom was crowded with Gungans.
"Jarjar! What have you done?" The bulbous lord of all gungans sat fat and necrotic on his throne reminiscent of the Hutt. This was all wrong. Obiwan could feel the power of the force but there was definatly something wrong with the sensation.
"Why you Jedi here?" From Boznas's shadow a cloaked warrior emerged and Ignited a Lightsaber of red fire.
You might enjoy reading Star Wars: Legacy by Dark Horse comics. They have the One Sith, lead by Darth Krayt who has a freaking army of Sith underneath him. ** spoiler omitted ** And Darth Talon? YUM!!!!!!!1) no. George Lucas may not direct.
2) the whole "1 sith lord/1 apprentice" is ass. the only good and I'd argue saving grace of Phantom Menace was the duel between Maul and Qigonn/Obiwan. ONE sith duod is good; 10 is better.
100 jedi vs. 100 sith knights.....PROFIT!
3)the best rumor I heard pre-Menace was Qi Gon's ship was gonna be the Millenium Falcon. MAKE IT SO!!!
4)the army of dorkbots with pinheads has to go. The stormtroopers were poguish cannonfodder, but they had bad ass uniforms. no pinhead comic relief robots. Make them awesome.
5)Mandalorians from the gitgo. Menace should've opened in media res with the Republic in an epic f*&@ing war like the beginning of Sith.
Hope opened up with a massive space battle. It's the only way.