Alright you pack o’ wenches and wastrels belly yerselves up to the bar and find something to occupy yer bootlickers. If yer lucky the panty-waste snot-rag manning it won’t have water the horse piss down too much. It’s time for this lady to spin ya a few tales o’ violence and intrigue, mainly violence.
Now a little bit about big ole me. My daddy was Jose Monkamuck. A well reknowned captain o’ tha sea. O’ course unlike the rest of me family I hate the water. Still I’ve followed in his footsteps a bit. I swear by Kord, even if I don’t have the patience to be chantin’ for his help. I sell my sword and not a bloody thing else. So I’ll spin my tales fer free as you all get hammered into unconsciousness.
Now I’ma headin’ out towards da promised lan’s, or at lest the one’s promised meh. I ain’t alone, which is good. Mah daddy always said ya gots ta’ have a crew. Der’s only t’ree o’ us, but I t’ink dat will be plenty.
Dere’s Sneaky, he seem da underhanded time, but dem types kin be useful. We’ll just have ta see how competent he is.
Also we gots dis bounty hunta I’ll call Woodsy. He’s da quiet type, but he seems ta know what he’s doin’.
I’m goin out ta make me a fortunate, and more important like make me my own space. I’ll have more dan just dese two aftore we’re done. But so far dis is what I gots ta work with.