I too got my first submition rejection last night. I wasn't expecting to get picked, but thought this more like a recon mission on what's good and what's not. But, like so many others I did not get any feedback, so I am posting my submition here hoping for yours.
I am not a writer and don't play one on TV. This is my first submition anywhere so I am very interested in what the public has to say. I really appreciate your feedback.
INTRODUCTION
When Sinnume betrayed the Darklight Sisterhood by stealing a list of Chelaxian spies embedded in the Andoran government, she never thought that it would trigger a clandestine proxy war. Fleeing to Falcon’s Hollow, she uses her underworld contacts to arrange passage to Almas where she plans to sell the list for a sizeable fortune.
SUMMARY
At the Sitting Duck, the PCs meet with Sinnume, Gregore Matkriax, a Lumber Consortium businessman, and Dominisious Salpados, the local Pathfinder Venture-Captain. Salpados asks the PCs to escort Sinnume and a Pathfinder artifact to Almas. On the way to the docks, the PCs are ambushed by Andoran operatives attempting to capture the stolen list. The PCs then leave the town aboard the Trout.
Later that night, the ship is boarded by Darklight Sorceresses and their summoned Fire Elementals seeking to kill Sinnume and capture the list. The PCs fight to escape the burning Trout and must swim to shore to continue on foot.
Taldan operatives shadowing the Trout ambush the PCs from hidden treetop-positions. The PCs find Taldan orders to secure the “artifact”. Shortly thereafter, the PCs are intercepted by Andoran Eagle Knights who execute a warrant to arrest Sinnume for High Treason. The knights ask the PCs to accompany them back to town to sort out the Pathfinders’ involvement.
Back in Falcon’s Hollow, Sinnume is handed over to the local Sheriff, Deldrin Baleson. Sinnume, realizing that she is unlikely to reach Almas alive begs for protection, confesses her crime and absolves the PCs of being complicit in the plot.
The order of the subsequent events depends on the PCs’ decision to either protect Sinnume or return to the Pathfinder Lodge. Based on their choice, one of two encounters is optional. If the PCs choose to protect Sinnume, they are confronted at the town’s jail by a Darklight Necromancer and her Skeleton minions. Otherwise, if the attack on the jail is optional, the PCs arrive too late and find Sinnume’s murdered body. Regardless, Sheriff Baleson deputizes the PCs and asks them to protect the other targets.
At the lodge, if this encounter is optional, the PCs find Dominisious’ body in the lodge’s Great-room. Otherwise, they find Dominisious’ strangled and confront a Darklight Druid and her Assassin Vine.
In either encounter, the PCs find orders to kill Sinnume, Gregore, Dominisious and the PCs in orchestrated attacks during the night.
At Gregore’s, the PCs find him covered in blood and three dismembered Darklight Sisters. The local businessman transforms into his Werewolf form and fights the PCs. After the battle, the PCs find evidence of Gregore’s involvement in the conspiracy.
ENCOUNTER SUMMARY
ACT 1
T1-2(CR2)
TWILIGHT TALON ROGUE(2) CR1/2
T3-4(CR4)
TWILIGHT TALON ROGUE(4) CR1/2
T6-7(CR7)
TWILIGHT TALON FIGHTER(3) CR2
TWILIGHT TALON ROGUE(2) CR2
TWILIGHT TALON WIZARD(1) CR2
ACT 2
Special: Ship in on fire and sinking.
T1-2(CR3)
FIRE ELEMENTAL, SMALL CR1
DARKLIGHT TIEFLING SORCERESS(2) CR1/2
T3-4(CR5)
As T1-2 + FIRE ELEMENTAL, SMALL(2) CR1
T6-7(CR8)
DARKLIGHT TIEFLING SORCERESS(2) CR3
FIRE ELEMENTAL, MEDIUM(2) CR3
ACT 3
Special: Attack from hidden treetop-positions.
T1-2(CR3)
TALDAN ELVEN RANGER CR1/2
TENGU(2) CR1/2
T3-4(CR5)
TALDAN ELVEN RANGER CR1
TENGU(4) CR1/2
T6-7(CR8)
TALDAN ELVEN RANGER CR4
TENGU(2) CR4
TENGU, EVOCER WIZARD CR4
ACT 4 (OPTIONAL)
Notes: Only one Act from Act 4 or 5 is optional.
Special: Sleeping PCs may start the encounter unarmored and weaponless.
T1-2(CR3)
DARKLIGHT TIEFLING NECROMANCER CR1/2
DWARVEN FIGHTER SKELETON(3) CR1/3
T3-4(CR5)
DARKLIGHT TIEFLING NECROMANCER CR1
DWARVEN FIGHTER SKELETON(3) CR1
T6-7(CR8)
DARKLIGHT TIEFLING NECROMANCER CR4
DWARVEN FIGHTER SKELETON(3) CR4
ACT 5 (OPTIONAL)
Notes: Only one Act from Act 4 or 5 is optional.
T1-2(CR1)
DARKLIGHT ELVEN DRUID CR1
T3-4(CR3)
ASSASIN VINE, SMALL CR1
DARKLIGHT ELVEN DRUID CR1
T6-7(CR6)
ASSASIN VINE CR3
DARKLIGHT ELVEN DRUID(2) CR3
ACT 6
T1-2(CR3)
WEREWOLF(Gregore Matkriax) CR3
T3-4(CR5)
WEREWOLF(Gregore Matkriax) CR3
WOLF, DIRE CR3
T6-7(CR8)
WEREWOLF(Gregore Matkriax) CR5
WOLF, DIRE(4) CR3
CONCLUSION
In Gregore’s home, the PCs discover evidence that the list is a Taldan fabrication aimed at instigating conflict between Cheliax and Andoran. Gregore, unhappy with the Lumber Consortium’s weakened position in Andoran, worked covertly to undermine the fledgling democracy. He agreed to help the Taldans and used his Pathfinders’ connection to help Sinnume reach Almas but was compromised when the Chelaxians traced her to him. With the evidence of the Taldan conspiracy, the PCs may inform the Andoran authorities and possibly prevent a war. Otherwise, the Andoran’s proceed to cleanse the alleged spies and are left in a tenuous position the Taldans will undoubtedly seek to exploit.
