Venture Captain Balentii,
Word has reached Absalom that you have lost some of my scrumptious little teacakes again. If this continues, I may have to recall you to my townhouse for some...lessons. While that strumpet Sheila has already sent you an archaeologist for your consideration, you really should review the attached dossier to learn more about one of my favorite agents. Surely you need to add a little spice to any expedition involving that tiring altruist Halistar Goldentongue. You'll find that Wili is quite skilled at getting into all manner of naughty places. I'd appreciate you making sure she gets into the right ones. Speaking of which, I might have some of those for you to get into next time you visit.
Sinfully yours,
Paracountess Zarta Dralneen