I now haunt all future and current parties with the threat of my presence.
It's not my fault I avoid punishment! I'm just that slippery after all. >:3c
Oh, and doors? Doors are really hard for dogs. And aasimar.
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Except Rei. Because they always get away and never suffer the consequences of their actions due to some strange divine providence and being a bad cat. Who knew that a mighty cleric of Lamashtu could be so easily hindered by a simple door and flight of stairs. Hahahahaha! I will never be caught!
Leaving behind family and survivors is an easy way to have someone come back for revenge, or have someone that could be used against you. Thankfully, everyone that spends too much time around me inexplicably meets a terrible end, and I don't even have to do anything! So it's hardly an issue for me ;3
I'm not allowed to be played anymore >:3
I'm going to be on my best behaviour. I swear. I won't abandon a single party to a TPK this year.
You gain a cohort named Dick. He is the worst.
You gain a cohort, as though you had Leadership, but do not gain any followers, and your cohort's level always matches your wizard level. Your cohort is named Dick. Dick must be either a human or a gnome, and must take all levels in the commoner class. Dick is Chaotic Evil, and has an aura of evil like that of a cleric equal to his commoner level. Rather than use the standard Hit Dice and Save progression, he instead gains d12 hit dice each level, and 1/2+2 his level in each save. However, his Base Attack Bonus does not increase above 0. Dick gains a bonus to his CMD equal to three times his level. Dick's attributes are 10 in each ability score, and he does not increase these values as he gains levels. Dick has spell resistance equal to 15+his level. Dick will not willingly lower this spell resistance unless he is being healed. If he lowers his spell resistance and a spell that is not healing is cast on him, he refuses there after to lower his spell resistance. Dick also has an AC of 25+ his level, including his touch AC and AC when flat-footed, and refuses to allow any creature to touch him, even with harmless effects, forcing a creature to make a touch attack to apply an effect. Dick always saves against any effect, even harmless effects. If Dick's hit points are below his maximum hit points, he loudly complains about not receiving any magical help, and will intentionally start hitting any creature he is aware possesses magical healing until they agree to heal him. He only deals non-lethal damage with these attacks. Dick accepts magic items, but cannot use them. Once a magic item has been bound to Dick, he refuses to remove it, and it requires a CMB check, using your BaB + your Strength modifier, to remove the item from him after he has bonded with it. Dick frequently attempts to find and put on magic items belonging either to your party or found within a horde of treasure. As Dick gains levels along side you, he is only able to choose feats from a small list from the bonus feats he gets every other level. Dick does not need to qualify for the prerequisites for any feat he chooses:
Dick gains the feat Caustic Slur. He can only ever use this feat on your allies, and gains a bonus to his Bluff check equal to his level + 3. Dick uses this feat specifically on anyone who successfully used a non-healing spell on him in every subsequent encounter in which he is present. He also uses this feat on any round he fails a DC 20+ his level Will save, targeting the closest ally other than you. Dick will intentionally move in direct sight line and charge line of your allies when possible, even preparing actions to specifically move in the way of spell areas, ranged attacks and charging allies. He allows enemies to pass through his space, but your allies are never allowed to pass through his space and he refuses to move from a space if inconvient. Dick never gains ranks in any skill other than Profession: Underwater Basket Weaving and Craft: Traps, which he utilises to fully trap any location normally considered safe for you and your allies. He steals money from you and your allies in order to pay for these traps and basket weaving materials. While attempting to steal funds, Dick gains the effect of pass without trace, nondetection and invisibility , and gains a bonus on his Stealth and Sleight of Hand checks equal to his level + 10. He also steals enough money to keep the total amount of alcohol on his person per day equal to his level X 10gp. He will drink all such alcohol by the end of the day. If he is unable to steal enough money to maintain this amount, he begins demanding that you and your allies sell equipment to purchase alcohol. If refused, he will attempt to steal equipment the next night, and will viciously attack anyone until death should they confront him about his theft. While Dick is within sight of any creature, that creature is considered to be too distracted to Take 10 or Take 20. Dick will always announce your presence whenever entering a new area, room, dungeon or structure, and will inform monsters of the locations of your allies, allowing them to automatically notice them. Dick refuses to provide watch, and frequently attempts to wake up allies and yourself while sleeping to prevent spells and abilities refreshing from rest. Should Dick be killed, you lose the ability to cast spells forever. Your levels change into commoner levels, and your name changes to Dick. You are teleported elsewhere, becoming an NPC under the DM's control. Nothing short of divine intervention can restore you. But should you be restored, this also brings back to life Dick as though he was affected by a simultaneous greater restoration and true resurrection spell. This ability replaces arcane bond, arcane school, cantrips, scribe scroll, and the bonus feats gained at 5th, 10th, 15th and 20th. When you choose opposition schools, you must choose 5 schools of magic to forsake. Doing so prevents you from learning or accessing any spell from that school, and you cannot activate spell trigger or spell completion magic items or craft magic items that utilize these schools.
I'll put my quantum harmoniser in their photonic resonation chamber. That should do the trick. |