"Who am I? Who am I? Sit down and shut up. I'm asking the questions around here, or my else name's Jim-Bob Malkowitz.
And before you ask, no, my name's not Jim-Bob Malkowitz. The name's Rasmus. Friends call me Spooner. See, there was this thing with a spoon, right? It's a long story, it's sorta involved, you had to be there. Anyway, you can call me Raz. What's your name? Warriv? Alright then, Warriv, if that is your real name, I've got some questions for you.
See, Warren, I'm new in the neighborhood. It took three caravans and an ocean voyage to get in the neighborhood, but I'm here now. Long trip, right? See, I came all the way down here to this turgid, backwater kingdom because we got word that something was going down in Tristram. Something real bad. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, don't you, Warner? See, my organization, the people I work for, we're on the side of the angels, if you know I mean. Not like the actual angels or anything. What I'm saying is we do bad things to bad men who do bad things. And word is there was a very bad man in Tristram who did some very bad things. And that's a problem for me.
Listen Hogwart, I'm going to level with you here. I'm a hardcore, mage-hunting, demon-killing machine. I'm a bad mamma-jamma, as they say in Kurast. A seasoned field operative. So when we hear that there's some increased demon activity out in yonder backwater western kingdom, I'm on the next boat over. No big deal, I'm thinking. It's probably just some knucklehead rogue Vizjerei with a "quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore". Happens all the time. They go digging around the wrong library, find some forbidden knowledge, next thing you know they're off summoning little red demons or whatever. You know, I don't blame them, I really don't. I've seen those cloister studies, the ink fumes alone would drive anyone to the edge.
I digress. You know, I've always wanted to say that. I'm glad I get to say it with you, Wendall. I digress. So I show up in Ye Olde Feudal Monarchy, and what do I find? Demons. They're everywhere! Monsters, too. And people are saying somtheing nasty went down in Tristram. I'm hearing things about dead kings, crazed archbishops, human sacrifice. It's not a pretty picture. And I hear people talking about a demon. A big one. Yeah, you know who I'm talking abou- NO! We don't say his name! What's with you people? This ain't some minor lieutenant like Gorbacz the Vile-Tongued. This is serious business! You all should be terrified! I'm a hardened veteran, and I'm shaking in my boots! Figuratively, of course. You don't just go around name-dropping the Lord of Terror like he's in every minstrel's latest song, is what I'm saying.
Speaking of, the latest minstrel songs are saying that some group of adventurers took out Big D not too long ago. But I've got a hunch that the job isn't quite finished yet. I mean, look around you, Waylan. You think, if they'd managed to finish him off, there'd be all these demons and monsters everywhere? But that's just a hunch, and I've got real work to do. I'm not talking about slaying demons, oh no. Much worse. Paperwork. Being a professional mage assassin isn't as cool as it sounds. Oh who am I kidding, it's exactly as cool as it sounds. But what they don't tell you about is the paperwork. See, there's this whole investigation process, right? I've got to sit all you witnesses down and take statements, and then there's the reports, and on and on. I'm a busy guy, is what I'm saying. I've got demons to slay and reports to file. So how's about helping me out here, huh? Help me help you.
We'll take it from the top, Wayne. You say you're a caravan driver, yeah? Tell me a little more about that..."
* * * * *
Rasmus is an initiate in the Viz-Jaq'taar, an ancient order of assassins formed in the aftermath of the Mage Clan Wars with the sole purpose of eliminating rogue mages. After the Mage Clan Wars, the Vizjerei realized that their order had become corrupted, and in order to prevent further disaster, they would have to police themselves. Thus was founded the Viz-Jaq'taar, the Mage-Slayers, an elite force charged with ensuring that such corruption never again takes hold among the Clans. Their agents are peerless fighters, training their bodies and honing their combat skills to an artform. In order to ensure they remain above the corruption with which they are tasked to hunt and destroy, they are forbidden from studying the arcane arts. Instead harnessing mystical energies from within, they seek out rogue mages that have succumbed to demonic temptation and end their threat to the Clans and to Sanctuary.
Despite his outward bluster, Rasmus is a newly-minted assassin having only just recently completed his training (which began practically at birth). Tristram was supposed to be an easy first assignment, a walk in the proverbial park. A chance to get comfortable, to spread his wings. He's in for a bit of a surprise.
