Alien Abductor's page

Why is Thursday always the worst traffic?

Allow me to probe this issue more deeply.

I'm not saying it was me...

Who wants free candy?

I find Colonoscopy Sci-Fi to be positively delightful.

Dammit!

Jyu1ch1 wrote:

Wolfthulhu wrote:

Emperor7 wrote:

but also New England Clam Chowder and Fritos for lunch post :)

I just had a late breakfast at The Egg & I. Been meaning to check it out for quite awhile. Great food, but slightly more bit pricey than Denny's/IHOP.

Is that a mom and pop place? I've never heard of it.

As long as it's not a fertility clinic run by extraterrestrials he should be safe. ;P

I'm going to have to reconsider the franchising plans I had...

Why have there not been any probing questions on this thread?

Alien Abductor wrote:

Mairkurion {tm} wrote:

::Squints::

You remind me of an awesome guy who used to hang around here. I heard he was the victim of an alien abduction.

Must have been one of my colleagues. I don't remember a Mike McArtor.

Is it still abduction if he goes willingly?

Also, congrats once again to The Badgah for his KQ success. :)

It's not fun if they go willingly.

And the badger says "thanks". At least, I think that was in reference to your congratulations.

Mairkurion {tm} wrote:

Mike McArtor wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

The Crimson Jester, Rogue Lord wrote:

Mike McArtor has mentioned on FB that he is in the process of training a large batch of Gnome Gninjas and to say hello.

I think McArtor fears the FAWTL.

I fear nothing, Aberzombie.

Except clowns, but let's not talk about that.

I was informed that FAWTL is up to #5. I'm impressed. I'll be back in 6 or 7. Keep up the great work everyone!!

Carry on. Carry on.

^_^

::Squints::

You remind me of an awesome guy who used to hang around here. I heard he was the victim of an alien abduction.

That's what I heard.....

Must have been one of my colleagues. I don't remember a Mike McArtor.

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

alleynbard wrote:

Ryan Reynolds....hmmmmm....okay, I'm back.

I just got the latest orders from Gay Conspiracy headquarters. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to convert Mr. Reynolds to play for your team.

That will free up Scarlett Johansson... to be converted to play for my team. :)

Garydee wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

The truth is, the bracelet is actually a subsonic shielding device that protects you against the mind control rays from invisible alien spaceships hovering over the Earth.

Oh, ok. I feel much better now. Will it also protect me from the government's mind control rays, or do I have to still wear my tin foil hat as well?

Wait, Gary and Lindsey Lohan are being protected from alien mind control?

I hope so. AZ says I will be. I don't know about Lindsey. She doesn't have AZ watching her back like I do.

Ms. Lohan is too much of a hassle.

Alien Abductor wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Alien Abductor wrote:

Damn it!

That's right you probe-happy bastard! We're on to you! Your nefarious plan to steal the Earth's supply of bubblegum is over!

Well, I have come here to chew bubblegum and probe ass, but I'm all out of bubblegum.

May I refer you too one of the many city gay bars?

Yes! I could help your Freehold DM with his "research".

Alien Abductor wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Garydee wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Urizen wrote:

And here I thought it was the court issued ankle bracelet monitor that keeps them at bay. Go figure!

Shhh...We told him it was a device that prevented random temporal energies from causing fluctuations in his personal space/time continuum.

Wait a minute. You lied to me?

Well, it was for your own good. We were afraid the truth would horrify you. But, if you insist....

The truth is, the bracelet is actually a subsonic shielding device that protects you against the mind control rays from invisible alien spaceships hovering over the Earth.

Damn it!

That's right. No more anal probing for you!

Maybe not at your house.

There is this guy named Sean, though. He's fun...

Alien Abductor wrote:

Damn it!

That's right you probe-happy bastard! We're on to you! Your nefarious plan to steal the Earth's supply of bubblegum is over!

Well, I have come here to chew bubblegum and probe ass, but I'm all out of bubblegum.

Garydee wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Urizen wrote:

And here I thought it was the court issued ankle bracelet monitor that keeps them at bay. Go figure!

Shhh...We told him it was a device that prevented random temporal energies from causing fluctuations in his personal space/time continuum.

Wait a minute. You lied to me?

Well, it was for your own good. We were afraid the truth would horrify you. But, if you insist....

The truth is, the bracelet is actually a subsonic shielding device that protects you against the mind control rays from invisible alien spaceships hovering over the Earth.

Damn it!

Abductions for the top of the page. Now bring on those alien b$@!%es TAD was dreaming about!

Sebastian wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Sebastian wrote:

taig wrote:

Sebastian wrote:

The only way to verify your mammalian status is dissection.

Can't you just take it on faith? :)

I could, but dissection would be a lot more fun. I have a rusty letter opener and some push pins ready to go.

No, all mammals have hair or fur at some stage of their life cycle. No non-mammals have hair or fur of any kind.

So you can put that rusty bonesaw away.

I see no fur in your avatar picture, unlike mine, which illustrates what a long, luxurious, lavendar scented mane looks like. Your avatar is bald and appears to be made of metal.

Hmmm...mammals definitely don't have metal skin. This only heightens the need to perform a dissection. However, it looks like we also will need a blow torch.

Hey, you could always get him really drunk then see if he'll let you do a deep probe. :P

I'd like to assist!

Alien Abductor wrote:

Rear Admiral Bÿrdtúrgler wrote:

Alien Abductor wrote:

I thought I left those at your house. Thanks.

Are you offering ... a demonstration? I surrender.

It's not often I get someone who enjoys what I do...

Do you have ... videos ... demonstrating ... your area of expertise?

Just "probes-on" demonstrations.

Alien Abductor wrote:

I thought I left those at your house. Thanks.

Are you offering ... a demonstration? I surrender.

It's not often I get someone who enjoys what I do...

Sebastian wrote:

s~@#. I went into the barbarian thread and my douchometer broke. Anyone have a spare?

No, but I may have some grey anal probes lying around. It's the sit and spin kind. Some of them might actually like it despite their repressed latent fear.

I thought I left those at your house. Thanks.

This requires some deep probing.

Alien Abductor wrote:

I take...things too. Can I join?

Uhm.... cow rectal virginity doesn't count as something taken... sorry.

Oh, I've take my share of spleens too. The other abductors say I'm weird, but I'm just trying to be an individual. No one understands me!

I take...things too. Can I join?

<Humps the squeaky toy>

I don't think this is working right.

Leave the probing to me.

Mmmmm....that's even better than the probe.

I really hate that they took our schtick.

Alien Abductor wrote:

CourtFool wrote:

I think some of them are already here.

My probe would like to have a word with you.

Does your probe vibrate? Hmmm... well, it has been a long time...

OK, gimme. {slips into latex nurse outfit and takes probe} Follow me, Mr. Alien. Oh, and you get probed first.

Hello Nurse!

The *snap* of a glove is foreplay on our planet.

Mars needs poodles.

taig wrote:

The Martians are coming! The Martians are coming!

I think some of them are already here.

My probe would like to have a word with you.

Mmmm...butts...

taig wrote:

Moorluck wrote:

And you just made me relize how important this cat is..... I mean if we don't take care of him then there will be no more Paizo. :/

That's some weird meta-reality thing you've got going on, Moorluck. You're on some good drugs. :)

Still makes more sense than the setting canon for blowing up Faerun

On Gleemax 4-Epsilon, our superior intellects have learned how to drop continents, as you would say, "willy nilly".

My probe would like a word with you...

As an object of elder evil, I cannot allow aliens to destroy the planet of people that it is my job to terrorize.

The threat of psychological violence in the form of naked pictures of Sandra Bernhardt has forestalled your destruction.

Alien Abductor wrote:

Your feeble attempts at using crude weapons will not avail you. I'm superior and I don't mind letting everyone know.

You want crude weapons? Fine here's the crudest we got!

*Shows AA Sandra Bernherdt's playboy pics*

You have violated at least 97 interstellar laws regarding torture and common decency.

Warships are on their way to destroy your planet.

Your feeble attempts at using crude weapons will not avail you. I'm superior and I don't mind letting everyone know.

Anti Alias wrote:

Moorluck wrote:

taig wrote:

Someone already got it...

Yeah but it coulda been worse.

It could have been me.

*Fires up chainsaw*

RUNNNNNINNNNINNNNAAAANANANANANANANANANANA!!!

C'mere ya freak! Or would you rather discuss this with my BOOMSTICK!!

*brings out S-Marts top of the line Remington 12 gauge*

You're a slave to the chemical reactions in your brain. On Gleemax 4E, we have eschewed emotions.

My probe would like to have a word with you.

On my home planet, Gleemax 4E, we have determined that emotions are just chemical reactions in the brain. We shall now enlighten you lesser beings.

My probe would like to have a word with you.

Aw, c'mon dude. They have HAIR on their head. They have mouths. There's no way they could fit your alienocentric ideal of what's hot.

You're just being freaky to be freaky.

Hmm. I'll have to probe this line of thought more thoroughly.

I shall now probe the top of the page.

I should talk to that pony lawyer about some probe-ate.

taig wrote:

David Fryer wrote:

taig wrote:

David Fryer wrote:

And with that I am off to bed. With two sick kids I need to sleep when I can.

Night night. Don't let the trolls bite.

I'm more worried about badgers. Don't burn down the boards while I'm gone.

Nope, no biting for me. The doctors lop off my head and test for rabies if I do that.

Don't probe anyone while I'm gone either.

You have very probe-able Earthwomen in this place that you call "a thread".

Dude. The whole alien butt probe thing doesn't hold water. They have all this light speed, but medically they haven't advanced beyond the colonoscopy.

My probe would like to have a word with you.

Of course they did. That is how they get you. Divide and conquer.

Or, is it conquer and divide...

It's probe and conquer.

Let's get back to some alien autopsies here.

My probe would like to have a word with you.