Owlbear

Izzy Buttons's page

16 posts. Alias of Doug Hahn.


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Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

Izzy eyes the lecture halls and waves to his compatriots, pointing to the close exit. Let us perambulate to the auditorium, as if enjoying a leisurely afternoon stroll on some esplanade. A lengthy disquisition is the least likely place wild bears would willingly go — hence, the most likely place to stay hidden.

He picks up a large novelty spoon and, twirling it like a cane, strolls to the exit.

Along the way, he eyes a gift shop worker carrying a Doctor Who teddy bear (eleventh doctor). Without warning, Izzy jumps up and rakes his claws along the victim's thighs. They aren't long enough to do more than superficial damage, but they are enough to draw blood.

Special Skill (carnage): 1d6 ⇒ 6
Special Skill (carnage): 1d6 ⇒ 2

I choose the 2!

The startled man drops the bear and falls to the ground. Izzy rips the lovely bowtie off the bear's head, and ties it crookedly around his own neck. He whistles. The man writhes around, clutching bloody shreds of trouser. Izzy adjusts the tie and saunters off, vanishing into the chaos.


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

The fleet watchman fleeing Lola doesn't see little moonwalking bear or hear the announcement; Izzy gets kneecapped in the head. Must poor Izzy labor for naught but bruises and persecution, losing treasured heirloom hats to boot!? NO! Thus resolved, Izzy savagely jabs his assailant in the gut four times as they tumble to the floor. He stands, triumphant, on a gasping chest.

Izzy rolls his eyes down; his gaze penetrates the core of the man's deepest being. A claw hovers inches away from the human's pupil. Eyyyyyyyyyyyllll mmmmmmeeeeeeeemmmmm-bbbbbeeeeerrrrrrr eeeee-uuuuuuuuuuuuuu He runs off, unaware that a platinum pass pokes out from under the man's buttock.

He sees the camera and makes an even more obscene gesture.

Andrew, somehow I missed your post from a couple hours ago. If this won't fit I can retcon.


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Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

Stupefied at the brazen chutzpah it would take to purloin a bear's valuables in public, Izzy lurches forward —  criminal: 1d6 ⇒ 1 — but pauses.

The word "princely" conjures a memory: sitting on little Timmy's shoulder (gazing hungrily at the boy's ham sandwich with his large "porcelain" eyes), Izzy once watched a video of a purple "prince" spinning a ball while doing the best dance moves of all time.

A sweaty curl of dark hair falls along his forehead as Izzy leaps high into the air, stubby legs spread as wide as they will go, and arms outstretched. He reaches up, and up, and up… his fully extended claws give him the final millimeter needed to snatch the hats.

When he lands he flips the trilby atop his head and spins the crown on a finger like a basketball. The silver flashes in the spotlight like a wicked pulsar, faster and faster.

His victim fully mesmerized, Izzy tosses the tiara high into air where it continues its rotation. While the boy watches, he hops up and snatched the pass. criminal: 1d6 ⇒ 3 His victim seems unaware.

He catches the tiara, and, after making a rude gesture, and moonwalks back into the crowd until he vanishes from sight.


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Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

Perspicacious, Mel! When elaborate stratagems fail, we can regress to uncomplicated times. In the meanwhile…

criminal: 1d6 ⇒ 2

He tilts his trilby and moonwalks onto the display; the tiara glitters in the spotlight. He does a twirl and lands perfectly still, posed as a bear cub begging for a treat.


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

As the attendant passes him along doll, Izzy wonders who will carry him. Is anyone carrying izzy?

Put me atop that counterfeit honeybear, if you will. I will continue my charade from its gypsum shoulder, looking for platinum-toting rubes while doing so!


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

He can totally hold the "toy"!

As the ticketing agent picks him up the broken toy, it wiggles its arms.

… … rrrrreeeeennnnnnnndd… …


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Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

Before the man can see inside, Izzy curses: It's the fuzz!

He slams the car into park and jumps onto Lola's shoulder. Or whoever else actually has the tickets

He boggles his eyes as wide as they go and sits perfectly still with his arms wide as if looking for a hug — like a teddy ruxpin bear.

Criminal: Camouflage Self as Animatronic Toy Bear: 1d6 ⇒ 2

He tries to mimick human speech, but his squeaky bear words sound more like a broken android's:
Hiiiii waannnnnn ooooooo bbbb eeeee yrrrrrrrr rrrrreeeeennnnnd.

His clawed limbs spread even wider, motioning for a hug. His huge button eyes penetrate deeply into the man's soul.

To be clear: Izzy's goal is to get in without using a ticket by pretending to be a toy


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Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

The limo swerves, and bumps the green Chevy Vega a lane over. The driver turns, intending to scream at the limo to pull over, but instead gawps at the empty seat. His cigarette falls out of his mouth and burns his jeans. He bends over to slap it out, and his long greasy hair catches fire.

The man howls. Beethoven's 5th booms in from his open window. The Vega swerves across several lanes of traffic, puffing smoke and narrowly missing the limo. It falls behind.

Izzy snickers and tosses the Snickers bar at Mel.

He crawls up through the divider and tumbles into the driver's seat. Standing on his tippy toes, grasps the wheel and holds it tight, but is far too small to see out the windshield.

I'm sure the sapiens build their great highways perfectly straight… they're so wretchedly boring.

He calls back. Lucky old Izzy's here, back at the wheel where he belongs, steering new friends straight and true!

Smoke billows behind. Izzy turns the Beethoven all the way up, to 11.


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

Izzy turns and gets a melted chocolate bar out of the luggage. It has some fur stuck to it, and inside drips caramel.

He offers it to Mel. Here… not lunch, not Timmy… but a snack?


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

Izzy Pokes Mel in the stomach. "Huh," indeed! But no… Timmy couldn't fit in there.

Seemingly lost in reflection he waddles back and forth, muttering to himself. Criminals, bandits, limo-thieves, picnic-befoulers, fugitives… French-Canadians: what could these reprobates know of heists, honey, ursine guile, or the ideals of a good swindle? They probably couldn't flimflam the fleece off their own cheeks! A challenge… to say the least.

He pauses and strokes his chin. But then again… here we are, in a limo en route to my destination, with that nannering family gone for good! Perhaps we can plan together toward our honeyed goal, or, plans notwithstanding, they can drive me to my honey.

He trundles up to Lola. You seem to be the master of this lovely caravan. You have proven some Ursine worth, making headway on the ever-winding trail of honey, and vanishing the former sapient occupants of this device. Perforce, I offer my services.

He doffs his cap. I am called Izzy Buttons: bunko bear, teddy impersonator, impresario, spy, and lover of honey! What is this proposition? Do you have a plan beyond blowing bubbles and crashing a limo?

He dives into the minibar, fishes out a box of Hi-C, and gnashes it open with his little teeth.


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

I'm om track now. Weird couple days. Wooo!


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Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

The head of what looks like a lifelike Steiff brand teddybear shoves out; he wears a brown felt trilby encircled with a delicate silver-painted tiara. He looks sweaty and hungry.

Finding himself surrounded by other bears instead of the family of humans who had rented the limo days ago, the bear darts back inside. The hats tumble across the floor.

Seconds later a tiny bear leaps out and tries to bow; his legs give way and he rolls about on the floor, hissing and rubbing the muscles. Owwwwwweeeee… crampsss…

This goes on for several minutes, while the miles tick by. Finally, the bear collects the hats (greedily inspecting the plastic tiara, as if it's a great heirloom), slicks back his greasy fur, and places them each his head. He coughs. He adjusts the trilby at a jaunty angle. The tiara slides down at an odd angle.

Why… this is unexpected. Did you eat my family? The little bear shows his fangs and crouches, as if ready to pounce.

They were my marks. I expect honorable recompense for any and all damages incurred by wanton slaughter of perfectly good rubes. Unwittingly, they were transporting Timmy's cute little bear to honeycon. The bear growls (it sounds more like a squeak). I have a vested interest in this enterprise: I have cunningly planned my plan and boldly executed it; I have suffered in dark places, bent my plastic tiara, and experienced leg cramps beyond imagining — damages are clearly due me — Izzy Buttons, esquire — I shall hound my debtors to the ends of the earth! He licks his lips.


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby
Quote:
I went ahead and set the limo scene, but I want y'all to know the "I grab the rake" rule is in full effect!

You were 100% clear :) I just skimmed and missed an important detail.


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby

I'll be posting today too!

I checked on on the discussion over the weekend and did not see the Gameplay tab show any posts. It looks like it won't count any "new" posts till you actually post yourself or something. I thought no one posted yet (yes: the Paizo site is so slow I don't click on other tabs unless told to do so).


Slick carnage brainy bear in a crown and trilby
Quote:
I just realized that we probably want to use the Discussion thread for rolling characters

So should we re-roll here?


Descriptor: 1d6 ⇒ 5 Slick
Bear Type: 1d6 ⇒ 6 Honey Badger (Carnage)
role: 1d6 ⇒ 2 Brains
hat: 1d8 ⇒ 8 Two hats yay
hat: 1d8 ⇒ 7 Crown
hat: 1d8 ⇒ 1 Trilby

This is Doug'chaak