General Kelth's page

We'll be cutting you off from Wodehouse now, sir.

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

"I don' trust that thing as far as I can throw it!"

That line always cracks me up now, because who knew computers would be book-sized (and eminently chuck-able), as opposed to room-sized, not too many years later?

We game characters don't get any appreciation from this idiot.

Indeed. Not only does he constantly refer to me as an "old man," but then he plays up how great a general I supposedly am, and what happens? I get killed off-screen by some nameless mook. And it turns out I'm only tangentially relevant to the plot of the adventure.

The Eye of TOZ sees all.

And Monroe, JQA, Tyler, Buchanan, Carter...

the definition in my post was to prove that you were an idiot

If this is your reason for posting, it's far better just to leave the keyboard and go do something better with your time.

Back in my day, D&D miniatures were made of lead.

Thank god we have Fox to expose those damned liberal commie f&+@@@s and their plot to demolish our precious freedoms!

... and to steal our precious bodily fluids!

You look familiar. Do I know you?

...nor will any hot-headed would-be heroes sally into South Province except under my direct and absolute command. Any soldier disobeying any aspect of these orders will be met with court-martial. Any unit leader who fails to heed these preliminary statements will receive the maximum penalty, up to and possibly including a Morganti execution.

Luckily, you are neither a soldier nor unit leader, nor am I still alive to object to your conduct.

Ooh-rah!

It doesn't seem like anybody here has actually read this, so I'm going to take one for the team and see if my local library has Hamlet's Father this weekend.

Careful! If you read it you might be infected by Teh Gay! That's OSC's evil plan! You're falling right into his clutches!

The name "Chuck" as a nickname was invented by Carlos Norris, who wanted to call himself after numchucks.

I know without any reasonable margin of doubt that MANY people will die in automobile accidents. But you don't see me going out and advocating that the CEOs and Board of Directors of major automobile companies be put to death.

Your analogy is a poor one; look at BP's competition, who DO put safety first, and who also lack large-scale killings in recent times. Put away the broad brush: BP is responsible, not "oil." So a better analogy would be "I know that THIS PARTICULAR CAR explodes in a 5 mph fender-bender, whereas the others do not... and the manufacturer knows it, too, but that's OK, because we need cars."

Put to death? No. Put out to pasture without billion-dollar golden parachutes? Yes, that would not be unreasonable. Otherwise they'll likely just do the same thing yet again.

There was no premeditation, for one thing.

Not necessarily true. After the loss of life at the Texas City refinery (15 dead and 170 injured, resulting from similar "safety failures"), one could argue that BP knew without any reasonable margin of doubt that loss of life would eventually occur again if production was put ahead of safety in the hierarchy of corporate values.

Brad Pitt is still an idiot, though.

Had I survived the conflict, I should have this to say:

Rather than despise the late Marquis, Aujoule d'Ansac, we should remember him well, and learn the lessons he taught us. During the Days of Darkness, evil walked naked over the land, and none were safe. In repelling the seige on his castle, the old Marquis, Maurice d'Ansac, was infected by a fiend, and became one himself. His son, Aujule, could not allow harm to come to the people he was sworn to protect -- but nor yet could he bring himself to destroy his beloved father, who had raised him alone from childhood.

For thirty years he searched for a cure, and, having believed that one was finally within his grasp, he overreached... and thereby brought a tragedy upon us all. No one is above the law; no matter what their personal circumstance -- and what can be forgiven in a commoner, a high noble should know better. Must always know better. Lest ultimate destruction overtake them, as it did both father and son.

[Speech given to the assembled Royal Army and King's Guard, Month of the Boar, 1463]

I have been recalled to active duty because "retirement" from a life of service is as provisional as peace over the land. Most of you have not served under me before; to those, I will address a few comments before we begin preparations.

Those long-term veterans among you know there has been no battle I have yet fought that I have not won. To nip foolish rumors in the bud, I can say, with no ego, that my present age has not dimmed the clarity of my vision the slightest whit. This battle will therefore be no exception. When we march on South Province, it will be at such a time as the end result of our campaign is already without any possible doubt.

This campaign will be conducted with the utmost regard for the rules of tradition and chivalry. We are not fighting against our fellow citizens of Aviona; we are fighting against a foolish, tragic breach of the public welfare. All supplies will be received from military supply lines; looting will be treated as a felony and prosecuted vigorously under the code of military justice, protestations of "living off the land" notwithstanding. Surrender of South Province personnel will be received in all cases with courtesy, restraint, and goodwill. Until such a time as they are rendered hors de combat, all nobles, citizens, and yeomen of South Province retain their titles and status, and will be treated as befits their rank.

That said, our preparations prior to departure will be meticulous, careful, and conducted under absolute magical security against surveillance. There will be no information leaks to Sovalles; nor will any hot-headed would-be heroes sally into South Province except under my direct and absolute command. Any soldier disobeying any aspect of these orders will be met with court-martial. Any unit leader who fails to heed these preliminary statements will receive the maximum penalty, up to and possibly including a Morganti execution.

It may be that this disruption of the peace can still be resolved by His Majesty through diplomacy. Assuming that fails, you and I shall resolve it -- with maximal efficiency and minimal chaos -- through military means.

I have spoken.