Fezier's page

Oh hey, I think I get a day job. That's not like me.

Day Job (Craft Alchemy): 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (13) + 14 = 27

Fez's eyes narrow to Valias, "We'll be watching you. Murderer."

Fez thanks you too.

"Oh joy," mutters Fez.

Fez produces the most grandiose, three-ring-circus barker voice he can muster. "At this point am I supposed to tell you that we healed Valias by capturing the souls of two demons and mixing them with..." Fez clears his throat"...flowers...and..." at this point Fez's voice turns to full indignant. "...honey kisses! Sure, there's my story, we kissed her boo-boo and she's fine now. At least that's what I'm supposed to believe. Hells, I'm still not sure she's cured - a smile and a thank you can be faked as well as I could stand here and tell you of noble intentions.

Fez shakes his head, "You gather we are here for noble designs. I'm not sure why you'd think that. As far as I can gather, there would be no reason to send somebody like myself onto the shores of Heaven itself without knowing that I'd do the right thing should Valias not be cured of her demonic taint. She murdered friends of mine, and for that I was not here to cure her, I was here to follow the instructions of my Venture Officers by exploring, reporting, and cooperating; not by following some invisible rules you're now judging us on without giving us the handbook first. We were invited here under the instructions of Kitarlo and you judge us?"

Fez's face grows much longer."What kind of lawful society would do that? We come here, follow your rules, have an honest-to-goodness accident on your terms, and expect us to cow before you now? That kind of trickery and backstabbing is more the domain of Asmodeus than I'd expect to find here in the land of so-called good. You know what, you can take your holier than thou attitude and shove it up that bright sunbeam filled behind of yours."

Fez crosses his arm and waits for whatever judgement befalls them. "You may find my choice of words unworthy, but at least I'm honest about them, and myself."

Diplomacy, Non-lawful penalty, Non-good penalty, Success bonus, 4 Story bonuses: 1d20 + 3 - 2 - 2 + 4 + 8 ⇒ (2) + 3 - 2 - 2 + 4 + 8 = 13

Player Name: Ryan Bolduan
Charaacter Name: Fezier Tarboosh
PFS#: 1870-16
Level: 5
Starting XP: 12
Starting PP/Fame: 18/22
Starting Gold: 3880

Fez stops concentrating (though the glorious pink farterfly continues to persist for another 12 seconds) and makes a quick assessment of the remaining targets. Knowing full well how hard his opponents are, he grasps the firm barrel of his pistol and with a up-and-down tugging motion unloads the regular bullet contained within into his hand. Once unloaded he thrusts an adamantine bullet down the elongated barrel, ready again to unload once more.

Move: remove bullet, standard: reload

Fez thinks to himself, I am so going to regret this. With SCAI's assistance, Fez continues to focus on his illusion. The pink sparkle fart around the demon grows to it's full 700 square foot size, slowly morphing into a beautiful butterfly which begins to flap it's wings - each flap producing yet another "ppppppbbbbbbbbtttttttt, ppppppppbbbbbbbbbttttttt, ppppppbbbbbbbbtttttt"

Standard Action - Concentrate. Move action - Draw my firearm.

Fez sees Glastor pull out his starknife, "Irori alive, be careful, you're going to poke your eye out with that atrocious excuse for a weapon!"

Requested Perception Check: 1d20 + 12 - 4 ⇒ (4) + 12 - 4 = 12
Do I know what the puppets are? (Kn: Whatever): 1d20 + 8 - 4 ⇒ (16) + 8 - 4 = 20
Do I know what the demon really is? (Kn: Planes): 1d20 + 8 - 4 ⇒ (7) + 8 - 4 = 11

With a glint in his eye Fez pulls the slender mirror out of his pocket and with a mischievous glint in his eye he speaks quietly to it, "SCAI, can you initiate Kreighton Shane Practical Joke Protocol IV?"

The quiet voice responds in it's sing-song-voice, "As you request Fez, but instead might I suggest Protocol III for optimal impact?"

Fez nods at the translucent face in the mirror before putting it back in his pocket.

Standard Action: Expend 1 point of Illusion Focus to cast Minor Image

Moments later an thunderous Ppppppbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttttttttttt fills the air surrounding the Demon while a pink sparkle-filled cloud begins to emanate from the Demon's backside.

Illusion will last for concentration +2 rounds

I'm not making a perform check, I'm trying to be quiet about it, so Stealth: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (12) + 11 = 23

Fez deliberately ignores the pun, "Strange - I've always heard puppet shows were the work of the devils."

Fez buries his face in his furry paw, "Children's puppet shows in heaven? Now I've heard everything."

I gain a grit - I am full on grit. :-(

"I suppose we were tasked with recovering them. Who has a haversack we can shove him in until we can take care of this mess?"

He levels Double Damage with it's enormous elongated barrel at the creature and with a narrowing of the eyes he spits on the floor before taking the shot, "Get ready, little lady. Hell is coming to breakfast."

Ranged Touch (PBS, Precise Shot, Blessed, Deadly Aim): 1d20 + 8 + 1 + 1 - 2 ⇒ (13) + 8 + 1 + 1 - 2 = 21 Damage (Cold Iron, PBS, Deadly Aim): 1d6 + 3 + 1 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 3 + 1 + 2 = 9

Move 5'. Standard action to fire the handgun. Misfire chance increases by 1 (now 3).

Fezier nods smugly, "Yes battery. Like the thing that powers SCAI and her friends."

He steps back slightly (5' step) before putting his spent mini-blunderbus away and reloading the empty barrel of Double Damage with a cold iron bullet.

Fez is slammed by a boil right has he unleashes a cascading mess of fire, dust, and shrapnel that is soon followed by the three bubbles exploding in sequence. Everyone is showered in these waves of sticky, bloody, acid!

Please note - as stated in my post, my AC was temporarily 23 for this particular round. You would not hit with a 21. Glad I did that!

Oh, and I regain 3 grit! (my grit doesn't go that high)

"Three demonspawn are dead and you guys basically are holy healing batteries; quit your complaining."

I hope you're all okay with a little mild PvP, if not let me know and I'll react differently.

Fezier touches a button on the leather-like harness he wears on his chest. His feet glow blue for a second as he takes off with blazing speed. In one hand he holds the monstrosity with an enormous barrel, in the other he draws what can only be described as a handgun attached to a trumpet. He tears around to the north before swooping around behind the boil.

Swift action: Sudden Speed (+30 movement speed for 1 minute for 1 transmutation focus)
Move action: 60 foot movement, I should be able to make it without an AoO (+18 to all my acrobatics checks to make a jump distance if needed, so minimum of a 15' gap cleared)

Leveling the trumpet-like gun at the enemy he shields himself from the flash and pulls the trigger. He squeeks, "Say hello to my little friend." What follows is a thunderous roar that fills the space and echos off the far reaches of heaven.

Activate Flash and Shock for a +4 to my AC for one round for 1 grit (Temporary AC of 23)
Scatter properly, 20' cone, all vs. touch
Standard action: Pull the trigger, increment 'ol Reliable's Missfire chance by +1

North Boil: 1d20 + 8 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 8 + 1 = 15 Damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6
West Boil: 1d20 + 8 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 8 + 1 = 12 Damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 2 = 8
Arxus: 1d20 + 8 + 1 ⇒ (9) + 8 + 1 = 18 Damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3
Demon: 1d20 + 8 + 1 ⇒ (19) + 8 + 1 = 28 Damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5
Corrin: 1d20 + 8 + 1 ⇒ (18) + 8 + 1 = 27 Damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 = 7
South Boil: 1d20 + 8 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 8 + 1 = 12 Damage: 1d6 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

You do get to take the AoO with Boily McBoilson

Giving up his search for a metal tube, Fezier looks down at his broken gun with a wicked grin on his face. Snapping off a large branch of the tree he blows out the insides creating a hollow tube. With some spit, sovereign glue, and a bit of twine he quickly slaps it on the twin barrels of the gun before holding it up triumphantly.

What he now holds in his hand a confused looking gun with a barrel half the height of a halfling. The gun doesn't look like it should be functional - but it is.

Full-round-action for a Change Out (Gun Scavenger deed) replacing the broken condition with 10' extra range at the expense of a climbing misfire chance (starting at 2)).

As a little FYI - Grippli will be in another country for a week. I doubt he'll be posting much.

Fezier shouts of the din of combat, "It's a demon! Cold iron if you've got it. And watch for his skin, it's acidic."

"And where did I put that pipe?!" he exclaims as he begins rummaging through his stuff and patting down his pockets, obviously looking for something.

Don't worry, no in-game effect.

A two is a misfire. Which is fine - Gun Scavengers like misfires.

FYI - My main weapon is +3 to damage, not +2. 'Ol Reliable is currently outfitted with a blunderbuss attachment.

Fezier looks around, his head wracking in pain from the miserable nature of the plane, "What are these things?"

Kn:Pretty much anything: 1d20 + 8 - 4 ⇒ (14) + 8 - 4 = 18

If I can at least tell they're demons, I have cold iron ammunition I would rearm barrel #1 as my move action this round (which I've held in reserve just in case).

Aiming his second barrel at the boil (#3) and takes a second shot.

Shootin' (touch): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (2) + 8 = 10 Damage (Cold Iron if need be): 1d6 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7

I'm back. Sorry all.

Fezier looks like he vomits a little in his mouth watching Grippli weep blood. "Anybody else that wants to do that can take it to a private room please."

Well that makes it considerably easier.

Fezier, holding The Luminous Libram in his hands decides it's best to just take the easy route since he wasn't all that interested in eating anyway. It's hard to starve when you had a solid breakfast.

Con Check: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 = 18

Realizing quickly that hunger pangs actually are hitting him he decides that perhaps continuing this route is a recipe for disaster and instead decides that perhaps turning to Asaru’s Grimoire of the Planes would be best, since who needs to worry about being charismatic when his head is already pounding from being in Heaven. Much to everybody's concern he draws his pistol before trying, "No, I'm not going to shoot anything, but holding this makes me feel far more comfortable." Emptying his head he tries to think of nothing.

Will Save: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (12) + 6 = 18 (further +1 vs. spells & spell-like, +3 vs. fear, +2 vs. curse, +2 vs. emotion effects)

Will Save: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (2) + 6 = 8 (further +1 vs. spells & spell-like, +3 vs. fear, +2 vs. curse, +2 vs. emotion effects)

Fezier shrugs, "Heaven sure is a silly place. You name these sacrifices we have to make, but none require any actual faith, just a token action on our part. But I signed up for this mess."

I'm confused at this point. Do our three checks all have to be the same thing? The starvation sacrifice seems to imply they should be, but can I switch now to something else like Glastor did?

Fezier picks up The Luminous Libram, runs his hand over the cover and begins delving into research.

What was I reading then? I saw trained only. Well that's better than not trained. My suggestion that we don't all go down still stands though. If you can't do escape artist, better spend your time here reading.

Before heading into the basement Fezier declares, "Since we've been told the last tome is impossible to get to without training in escaping from bonds, perhaps those that can't do that could stay here and start researching as to not further waste time?"

Did the scenario designer somehow forget this is a trained only skill?

Fez nods to Corrin when he arrives and quips, "I can see your predicament with your heavy armor and all. This isn't exactly research is it?"

Acrobatics: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (20) + 11 = 31

He begins bounding up the sides of the bookshelves, flying from one to another with ease. He makes sure his trip down is just as full of flourishes.

After Arxus and I act can we get a full accounting? I'm absolutely lost on what we've found and haven't found.

Fez, book in tow heads back to the main desk where he leaves a note. 'Looking for The Luminous Libram, meet everybody here in one hour. We'll have four hours left at that time and can compare notes.'

He heads down to wherever The Luminous Libram might be located.

Fez starts looking around for Asaru’s Grimoire of the Planes in the maze of books.

Int (Alignment Penalty): 1d20 + 4 - 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 - 4 = 10
Reroll, because of this stupid penalty (equal to either four levels worth of skills, or makes me the equivalent of a 9 point build) which renders me virtually useless in a level 1-5 scenario: 1d20 + 4 - 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 - 4 = 20

I'm very unclear - We're still in hour one right? Lya and Arxus haven't looked for anything yet, right? So just to confirm, we have one (and with my roll hopefully two) books in hand, two more searches, but haven't actually researched them, correct?

Fezier shakes his head in frustration, "I'm quite skilled in actual research. Heaven is not garnering my respect if their interpretation of research is 'I know all, so there's no reason for a library other than you have to jump through this flaming hoop to grab a book'. Fine though - I'll go looking for Asaru’s Grimoire of the Planes."

Thinking for a minute he also concludes, "Somebody strong might want to go looking for The Slates, and somebody that wants to climb should probably go searing for Elgar’s".

Everybody should think about this mechanically. There is probably something in each book we're going to need somebody to look for, but the checks to find them are probably based on where they're stored. Meaning we should split up, figure out what you have to do to actually get the book, and then retry again splitting our skills more effectively.

Fez looks to his colleagues, "I'm quite skilled in researching through pretty much any area, why don't you all figure out what you can review, and I'll take what's left over."

His head pounding from the excessive time in heaven, Fez holds out his token, clearly not sure what to do with it since the creature has no hands to give it to. "What the gnome said." He thinks for a moment and adds, "With perfect knowledge, does that mean you'll just point us to the correct volumes? That has to be pretty handy."

Fezier sits, completely uncomfortable in his surroundings. He is seen nodding off, and shaking himself awake through the ordeal that is listening to Glastor's past. When the soup arrives he sits looking at the bowl with a sense of nausea building in his stomach.

His mind wanders to his friends back at the lodge, I wonder if they're okay and if the healing is working; Valais did quite a number of them. This had better be worth it. Finishing his thought he whispers under his breath, "SCAI, remind me to question Valsin's motivations next time."

Hearing a break in the constant noise coming from the gnome Fez interjects, "Do you really want to hear something about all of us,
or was that sufficient?"

Fez lets out a silent inner sigh, What did I say about your mother to deserve this kind of treatment Valsin? I just wanted to go and read a few books, have some fun, find some treasure. But nooo, I 'get to go' to heaven. This Valais isn't worth the time or effort we keep investing in her.

The rat looks right into the eyes of the Kitarlo while addressing dog-man, "Kitarlo, you didn't tell us we were going to need to write an entrance essay when we got here."

Changing his view to the archon he continues, "You want honesty? Here's honesty. I'm here because I was told to be here, and that they needed a researcher. I don't bring faith with me, I bring empirical evidence and science, the currency of my home, Numeria. So could I name a religious text and quote it? Sure, but quoting something just to make you happy would be a lie of my intentions. My devotion is to knowledge, not this one. I think she's a fool's errand." He thumbs his furry thumb back towards Valias.

"If that's not to your liking, I'm stuck on your front porch, so there's not much I can do about it one way or another."

Fez returns with his ill gotten gains at dusk like instructed.

With the flash of light Fez wrinkles his nose and waits for what he assumes will be the feelings of vertigo. Just like every teleportation. When it doesn't come he opens his eyes. Unfortunately he can't see much because of the tall grass in the way.

"Um, are we here? What's terrible to behold? All I can see is that this place needs a gardener."

Fez also concentrates hard and casts detect magic on Kitarlo and Valais. He speaks to Kitarlo, "Any idea how long this might take? Hours, days, weeks?"

Next actions actually dependent on this.

Fez checks his pocketbook and goes shopping! (I'll update when I can)

Fez mutters quietly, "One can only wish that were the case."

He also tries to discern more about Valais and her condition and/or anything he might know about Heaven itself.

Kn Planes: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (20) + 8 = 28

Based on that check I may or may not be making some purchases.

Breathing heavily and trying to calm down Fezier straightens himself and breathes deeply, "Do we have some time to purchase critical gear before heading out? I'm not about to get caught with my pants down. I suggest we all purchase some oils of align weapon, maybe potions of both protection from evil and good, and most certainly cold iron if you don't already have it. Can anybody else think of critical gear to prevent either an Archon or Demon ambush?"

Fezier recovers a rather rough looking pistol from one of his holsters and begins disassembling a previously broken barrel. He pulls out what looks like half a trumpet, two metal rods, a strip of cloth, and a length of heavy cord. He then begins wrapping the cone in place on the bullet disposal end of the barrel.

Gun Scavenger - Change it out to provide this gun the "scatter" property. Costs one grit.

Fez stays business as usual, clearly more interested in the mechanics behind the mission than worrying about whether or not Glastor is going to get any from the demon lady tonight. When the conversation turns to the peacenicks he becomes a little agitated, "Wait, I want to get this straight, you two won't even defend yourselves if a your life depended on it? You wouldn't even save a helpless child from a murderous Orc other than to kiss its boo-boos? That's just cold."

When Glastor turns it personal though he gets demonstrably angry speaking loudly enough to ensure Valais can hear him, "You don't need to like me Gnome you just need to do a job, just like I do. But for being a turn-the-other-cheek priest, you sure are an ass yourself. Name calling? What are you, two? Am I the only one concerned for our safety hauling around this magical bomb that's already, ALREADY MIND YOU, not only put two other teams of Pathfinders at risk, but has recently attempted to murder a number of our friends? In fact, one was my friend that got attacked and hurt you absolute...total...complete jerk."

Visibly shaking now he turns to the rest while pointing at Valais, "I have a job to do here, and I plan on doing it well. That job does not require I become friendly with the demonic two-thirds of this woman. It requires every one of us to do the right thing at the right time. If successful maybe we won't have to worry anymore, but until then, I for one am going to make sure we don't have another 'accident' on our hands. We going to have a problem with that?"

When Arxus finishes with his comment Fezir sighs, "At least Arxus here realizes the pragmatic approach."

I plan on swapping a few of grippli's spells around before we motorvate off to the shores of Heaven, where everything is fine.

Just wanted to let you know before if we motate on and I have not done so yet.

I fixed your link for you (NSFW because I'm nice enough to say something).

Fez shakes his head slightly and holds his fingers against the bridge of his nose. If you're done asking her to dinner Glastor, maybe we can learn a little more about what's expected out of this trip."

He abruptly turns to Kitarlo, "Valsin said something about getting us into the Great Library of Harmonious Scripture? What do you epect us to do there. More interestingly I'd be interested to know more about what kinds of dangers we should expect, and specifically how we can guarantee that we don't fall victim to them." The last statement is punctuated by a stare towards Valais.

Any questions about mine and I'll gladly share. It's a more complex build than I'd like to admit.

"Don't know when Valais will lash out again my furry ass, Fezier whispers only just loudly enough for himself and his colleagues to hear. "I can tell you exactly when it will happen - while she's under our care, that's when."

He quietly rolls his eyes before continuing to address Valsin, "Yes sir. You can count on me!"

After walking into the back room and seeing the hideous monstrosity before him Fezir thinks to himself, There's no way I'm letting her stab me in the back. I'll just put the Halfling between her and me at all times.

Turning to his colleagues he speaks quietly while glancing at the trio of holy symbols on Lya, Arxus, and Glastor, "Valsin seems to think you two know what you're doing - so I respect that. I can even see why the gnome was a good pick. You guys know your way around heaven or something?"

He looks at Corrin and Grippli, I'm guessing the rest of us have some other skills? I have to admit being more at home with Numerian technology and what comes out of Alkenstar than knowing my way around angels, azatas, and whenever else passes for good aligned outsiders these days. My research paper on Occult studies in Numerian practices was well received though, so I suspect Valsin read it and thinks my research skills suitable enough." He lets out a long sigh, "Cuz I sure ain't breaking us into anywhere."

No (Never), No (Yes different character).

After Ambrus' big reveal, Fez stands with a dumbfounded look - his arms at his side and his jaw agape. Quickly regaining his composure, he mutters quietly, "Leng might have been better," before following up in a clear voice and a cheerful smile, ”I suppose, Brigh willing, an opportunity to research in the Great Library of Harmonious Scripture would make me the envy of everybody else in Numeria, or at least in my book club.”

After a moment thinking Fez continues, ”Now I consider myself a smart rat, but I’m always worried about those that consider themselves so far above me they’re going to judge every little thing I do, so could you be more specific on this whole, ‘no evil’ thing? Are we talking like, ‘hey Fez, if you make one little lie, you’ll live an eternity of torment’, or more of a ‘Murder is bad, here’s a lake of fire if you choose to go down that path’? Asking for a friend.” He casually, and quietly points at the Halfling across his chest, ensuring that Corrin doesn’t see it while mouthing, ”Cuz we all know where this stagecoach is headed.’

After the cheerful entrance into the conversation a scowl fills his ratlike features, ”But I want to be clear here. It sounds to me like we have a loaded cannon with no way to control where it’s pointed, the length of its fuse, or even whether or not we decide to load it. This doesn’t seem like a really good idea, so what are you providing us to ensure it doesn’t go off…um…accidentally?”

"She is nobody."

As if on cue Corrin bursts into the room. "Why look here, here's our new friend. Maybe he can tell you about Moonbeasts."

Fez finds another corner in which to hide.

Fez leaves the mirror in the pouch where he placed it. He lets out a large sigh, "Did I say haunted mirror? I meant I'm just talking to myself again."

A buzzing noise can be heard from the pocket. The buzzing is ignored as Fez speaks over the top of it.

"So Mooonbeasts. They're from Leng, which isn't really a moon. I'm not sure I'd want to play with one though. I still don't know why she'd think it important to bring them up now. Weird."

"See, I told you - no Moonbeasts."

The ratfolk smiles and Lya and Glastor and waits for the remaining adventurer to arrive.

The rat looks up with a toothy grin, "The name is Fez. Well really it's Fezier, but everybody just calls me Fez." He stands up.

"And this...this is my friend SCAI. It's not a mirror, it's a..." He looks the Grippli up and down before realizing that there's no way to describe things adquately, "...well I don't want to get too technical with you. It's a..." The Grippli can see the gears turning in the rat's head, "...a...it's haunted. Yeah, haunted." Fezier nods knowingly with a sly smile as if he's in on some kind of inside joke.

The screen quickly flashes the message, I'm not haunted you dolt. This causes Fezier to quickly pocket the mirror in a bandoleer.

When Ambrus and the rest of the crew walk in the ratfolk speaks once more, "Welcome friends. I am Fezier. You can call me Fez. Say...anybody know where we're going? I sure hope it's the Red Redoubt again."

A buzzing can be heard from a bandoleer pocket which prompts the rat to become flustered. Looking inside he whispers, "No, I said there are not Moonbeasts and we're not heading to Leng. I quite honestly have no clue where you got that idea."

Fez enters the spacious office and finds a place to sit on the floor near the door. He pulls out his mirror again and starts fiddling with the image. He lets out a huge sigh and quietly mutters, "I told you to clear Moonbeasts out of the variables, what kind of assumptions are you working off of?!".

His shoulders slump as he begins fiddling harder with the mirror, "No, I don't think we're going to Leng - they'd never send us somewhere like that. It's that stupid Moonbeast in your algorithm again isn't it?" He smacks the side of the mirror hard twice. "What do you mean ouch? We both are fully aware that you can't feel pain."

With that he quietly waits for everybody to arrive, occasionally messing with something in the mirror, and occasionally staring off into space.